Personal Statement for The OSCE Academy Application 2018 Programme: Politics and Security

Hello here!
Here is my Personal Statement for OSCE Academy, I am applying for Politics and Security Master Programme. For now I have only 300 words, so It would be great to hear your suggestions to extend it.

Thank you in advance!

"Please explain why you want to study at the OSCE Academy and how this will help you achieve your life goals. Please limit this statement to 600 words."

i saw the horrible consequences of conflicts

In first year of study in law department of American University of Central Asia I took required course on constitution law where I at the first time was faced with basic human rights and notion of democracy. I supported my interest in human rights field of law by taking such elective courses as International Humanitarian Law, International Criminal law and many lectures on human rights taught by visiting professors. As a result I chose International Criminal Court - main judicial international body that fights against impunity of criminal who committed horrible crimes as genocide, war crimes, crimes against humanity, as a topic of my senior thesis.

By looking to events of June 2010 in Kyrgyz Republic from the perspective of person who recently read about victims of genocide in Rwanda and Bosnia and war crimes in African countries, I realized that international crimes and violation of human rights did not mean that this could happen only in countries which are thousand kilometers away from Kyrgyzstan and used to have internal conflicts.. Due to destabilized situation in June 2010 my parents' friend's husband was killed in a way to Osh city by participants of the rebel, another victim of those events was brother of employee in my mother's beauty salon. They were ordinary citizens and had nothing to do with all these demonstrations and firefights.

I decided to use my knowledge and abilities in order work on prevention of conflicts, situations that can lead to negative and horrible consequences such I was experienced to see with my own eyes. Study in OSCE Academy will help me to become an expert and to make my own contribution for promotion of peace, democracy and human rights in Central Asia.

Hi @Euterpe, you've tried your best to generate this personal statement. However, there are some sentences you should alter in order to make ur PS become a splendid personal statement :)

I supported my interest in human rights field ... it will be better if you change this sentence into I am profoundly interested in human rights which bolsters me for taking some courses such as, International Humanitarian Law, International Criminal law

In addition, please be aware of punctuation :)

Euterpe, you have not explained why you want to study at OSCE Academy and you have not explained how this will help you achieve your life goals either. This is not an essay that you can even revise so that you can use it in the future. You need to write a totally new essay that is more aligned with the prompt requirements regarding your academic and professional reasons for your choice of masters program.

For the academic aspect, consider what you have learned so far based upon your college and work experiences, How does your academic and professional experience align itself with the OSCE masters course goals and objectives. Where do you feel your college education lacks in relation to your performance of your career duties? What profession are you currently engaged in? Does the OSCE offer any training programs during the academic year that will allow you to improve your work skills? Perhaps there are internship programs or research opportunities with mentors that can help you further your non-classroom based education?

What are you life goals? Consider your plans for your future after you graduate from this masters course. What do you plan to do with your career at that point? What kind of change or impressions would you like to make that could help to improve your field of work or international considerations when it comes to administering justice based on a political agenda or bias? These are some considerations that you should respond to when you revise this personal statement.

I have offered you some additional guide questions that can help you develop a more appropriately directed response. I hope that you can use the questions wisely so that you can come up with a much stronger essay that will impress the reviewer.