I really would like an honest opinion on this essay. I think I wrote it well, but I know that I need to correct and add more vivid description. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!
Topic: How do you think your university studies will affect your career in the future?
When I was in high school, be learning English is my expected of the life, because it will open for my future in higher education, so this thing can make my parents are proud of me from the poor countryside without electric, clean road and six months of floating of the year without doing farm. At that time I thought that only take higher education can change my point of view in my mind with the walls of farm around me.
As you know with my four hours on the class could not enough for me earning knowledge to open the university's gate because I had to help my parents on the farm or cutting grass and keeping duck for other to earn the money for my study on school's chair.
With my hard studying and working from the poor countryside was enough for me to open the small three years college's gate. In the years of college, I was trained with general program in first two years and the last for major of information technology. And the time when I had a chance to travel working in the big city of America and the big view of sciences had been unlocked my eyes, all people who work around me and who I worked with they all are from well know university or academy of the world and then from this seven months of oversee working which makes a change in my mind that how to get the master knowledge to work in my developing country or letting to students who studying from the Universities here or working with my client from Eastern countries? I have to do these things because the higher education of my country is going to the wrong way or bad crisis and then I tried to learning more English and improve myself by self-getting the courses from online resources especially in business English and I also took some open courses about software engineer program from open online resources
Finally, I hope the UAOP will give me a key to unlock my eyes that used to learn poor knowledge from bad crisis education program here and tell to younger people about the modern science and high technology from Eastern countries and especial United States.
When I was in high school, me learning English was what my parents expected, because it would open doors of opportunity for my future in higher education.
This can make my parents proud of me.
I am a student from the countryside without electricity, clean roads and I spend six months of the year doing farm work.
Above, I made corrections, but I don't know for sure what you mean. Practice the sentences as I wrote them. Practice each of them several times. Type each sentence several times. It is the only way to improve. I hope you practice every day to improve your English.
At that time I thought that only take higher education can change my point of view in my mind with the walls of farm around me.--- this sentence is pretty good.
As you know with four hours on the only four hours each day to learn in class, I could not learn enough to open the university's gate.
I had to help my parents working on the farm or cutting grass, and I could not rely on others to earn the money while I study in a chair at school.
Finally, I hope the UAOP will give me a key to unlock my eyes that used to learn in poor conditions during bad crises.
The education program here will be an opportunity for me to gain knowledge to share with younger people about the modern science and high technology from Eastern countries and especially the United States.
Type each of these 10 times to practice! :-)
Hi Kevin,
Thank you very much for your correction, I will practice more on essay.
Will need your help on my writing later.
Thanks again,
Lam
"When I was in high school, me learning English was what my parents expected, because it would open doors of opportunity for my future in higher education"
Kevin, I don't think "me" should be in front of "learning"
This should be better "When I was in high school, learning English was what my parents expected, because it would open doors of opportunity for my future in higher education"
and your revise already changes the original meaning too
When I was in high school, learning English was my first priority, because it would open doors of opportunity for my future in higher education that could make my parents proud of me.
Maybe Lam means that and same here, with this sentence, he means that he works for other people in order to get the money to pay for his tuition; "I had to help my parents on the farm or cutting grass and keeping duck for other to earn the money for my study on school's chair."
so, I think he means this
... "because I had to help my parents on the farm or cutting grass and keeping duck for others in order to earn the money that used (paid)for my tuition".
Maybe I came from the same background with Lam, so I guess I understand what his writing about.
