Hi guys I have written a masters degree motivation letter that is of around 280 words but i have to round off to 250 words , please suggest me if the essay is good enough for a highly competitve selections , suggest me where i can improve my essay effectiveness and suggest me grammar corrections
they have said that i have to explain these three points 1) why do you want to study further ? 2) why the university ? 3) why should we select you ?
here is my essay
I am a curious electrical engineer who is passionate and practical with ability of managing skills makes my life interesting. After meeting Professor of TIR Javier Andrew I understood that TIR being a respected technical university prioritizes on real world problems in Electrical power engineering. Consequently I would like to study masters program in power engineering and solve grid black out challenges and regular power outages faced in India by improving transmission efficiency and improving power grid stability which I would like to learn from TIR and Sweden country. The universities industrial relations with ABB and EU companies make me feel confident that this goal can be achieved.
The aim of getting admitted also interests me by the vibrant culture and international experience which I would gain at the university. I would like the privilege of meeting experts in my field and working with the state of art facilities which the university provides.
Right now I am working as an electrical equipment automation engineer in Gangavaram port; my previous projects include energy management at the harbor by SCADA, maintenance of voltage stability during peak loads, IGBT AC Inverter drives, DC drives and chopper units maintenance. As a team leader my team was successful in converting diesel run harbor crane to an electrically run automated crane thus reducing CO2 at work area. My interest also includes studying about integration of renewable sources and automated generation control. I like to experiment on Arduino microcontrollers and also learnt android coding in free time. My extracurricular activities include volunteering as scouts for Polio vaccine distribution and conducting awareness programs. I like to do outdoor activities like camping, bike riding with my friends.
I believe you did not fully answer the prompt. I did not see any mention to which university are you applying to and why you have chosen this university specially. Without that, you're not answering the second part of the prompt.
You have already divided the essay in three paragraphs, which I agree is the right thing to do since you have three questions to answer. However, keep in mind that you have to give equally developed responses to all three. Therefore, the paragraphs can't have that much difference in length.
Thanks for the suggestion Mayara
I have edited the essay please go through it :) Total 271 words need to be 250 :)
I am a curious engineer who is passionate and practical. The ever raging power ...
I have decided to peruse PURSUE masters program in Electrical power engineering which prioritizes on real world problems.
- Pursue would be the better term to use in this case because you have already studied and examined all of your possible chances and methods of helping to solve the power crisis in your country.
reducing transmission losses and improving grid stability for heavily populated countries by enthusiasm and hard work. SUCH AS MY HOME COUNTRY IN ORDER TO OVERCOME THE ENERGY SITUATION THAT CRIPPLES ITS ECONOMY.
Accompanied by the huge potential KTH offers my pursuit towards developing techniques will be carried with confidence.
- This is not really a necessary line. You have already implied the information in this line throughout the essay. Since this line sounds confusing to the reader, it would be best to just remove it an allow the rest of the paragraphs to explain what you mean and intend to do.
I haven't had any chance for working with national grids ,although MY experience include energy management by SCADA,
I have volunteered for Polio vaccine distribution and conducting society welfare programs as a Scout member.
- This is a totally unnecessary line. Stick to only academic and professional discussions. There is no room for extra curricular single line discussions in this case. You should instead conclude the essay with an expression of how you see the university helping you to achieve your purpose and goals for higher studies.
Thanks Lousia for the review .After these changes I feel my essay to be lot better now.
Regarding the " expression of how you see the university helping you to achieve your purpose and goals for higher studies."
I have written " Masters at KTH will make me gain expertise and create international networks which will construct a strong career in research for energy crisis "
is this prompt or please suggest a few expressions with your expertise.
The essay after the changes you have mentioned.
...
I have chosen this university because of the world's best partnership projects, its industrial relations, access to energetic student life with state-of-the-art facilities and prestigious academic environment.
- That is nice to know, but why did you choose to attend that university? What are your personal reasons for your choice? Explain how you plan to utilize specific university classes, research grants, or programs that can help you advance your career goal. In all the versions of this essay, that is the one missing component that was never addressed.
my experienceS include energy management
As a team leader...
- This should be occupying a separate paragraph as you are talking about a different topic in this sentence. One topic per paragraph, with the topic sentence always at the beginning of the paragraph discussion.
Masters at KTH will make me gain expertise and create international networks which will construct a strong career in research for energy crisis
- Be more specific when you include this line in your first paragraph. Talk about the interesting aspects of the academic curriculum that will allow you to gain an international network and expertise. Don't just mention it. Always expand upon such discussions.
Miss Lousia ,
Thanks for the tips.
The reason for me not going details of every line is the university website says the essay should be with in 250 word limit .
By your suggestions my essay will be good but it may cross 350 words.
I will consider elobration all the points that are needed.
But for a 250 word essay should i better rewrite , with the suggestions you gave ?
Thanks
Hii Lousia, Please provide a review , I have put the content as you have advised , it is 503 words now.
Thank you.
...
Srinivas, we just have to adjust the content of some of you paragraphs in order to lower the word count. Let me do that for you below:
I am a curious engineer who is , passionate, and practical ENGINEER. The UNCONTROLLABLE power demand and regular power cuts which THAT impact India motivates MOTIVATED me to pursue a career committed to finding A solution to these challenges. Therefore ARMED with my bachelors in electrical engineering and work experience in electrical systems, I have decided to A pursue master's programme DEGREE in Electrical Power Engineering which prioritizes on real world problems.
The P programme courses offered by KTH which THAT focuses on power system dynamics, stability and control, as well as on electricity markets which THAT partners with ABB draws DREW my interest towards the university,
impact today's operating power reliability and transmission efficiency will make HELP me reach my goal of providing reliable
I would also like to study on Information and Control Systems courseS offered at KTH focusing on automation, operation, and control of electrical drives
will provide a strong boost to my industrial career prospects.
though I haven't had any chance for TO working with national grids,
maintenance of voltage stability during peak loads, L load distribution management at 33KV and 6.6 KV substations, m .
automation equipment with A wide range of hardware communication
With these we have reduced CO2 emissions in the work area and increasing INCREASED EQUIPMENT EFFICIENCY the efficiency of the equipment. Through this project I have learnt DEVELOPED the ability to critically and systematically integrate knowledge and analyze ANALYSIS,
I have submitted papers at to the University for Integration of renewable sources, automated generation control using Fuzzy logic control as a B Bachelors T thesis. These projects are WERE stimulated in A MATLAB a tool that proveD vital for my Masters Degree thesis and research projects.
As a winner of KTH summer quiz , I have met prof.Rajeesh Thotapalli,
and S studying theory at KTH while modeling optimal solutions for power crisis would prove crucial for technology transfers which I desire TO LEARN from my Masters degree Electrical power engineering at KTH Royal Institute.
hi Lousia,
that is super Cool . Thanks, I have prepared my essay well.
I will make sure that I get better at writing .
your help means a lot.
Thank you .
I am a curious passionate and practical engineer. The uncontrollable power demand and regular power cuts that impact India motivated me to pursue a career committed to finding a solution to these challenges. Armed with my bachelors in electrical engineering and work experience in electrical systems, I decided to pursue a master's degree in Electrical Power Engineering which prioritizes real world problems. I would like to conduct research on development of renewable energy integration, reducing transmission losses and improving grid stability for heavily populated countries such as my home country in order to overcome the energy situation that cripples its economy.
The programme courses offered by KTH that focus on power system dynamics, stability and control, as well as on electricity markets that partners with ABB drew my interest towards the university, involving with the PSSC Research Group which develops techniques that will impact today's operating power reliability and transmission efficiency will help me reach my goal of providing reliable power supply to densely populated countries. I would also like to study Information and Control Systems courses focusing on automation, operation, and control of electrical drives and industrial control which will provide a strong boost to my career prospects.
Right now I am working as an electrical and automation engineer in Gangavaram port, though I haven't had any chance to work with national grids, my experiences include energy management by SCADA, maintenance of voltage stability during peak loads, load distribution management at 33KV and 6.6 KV substations, my knowledge in these would prove valuable for understanding concepts of power stability control and also on energy management subjects. My experience on working with IGBT and thyristor based convertors, invertors and automation equipment with wide range of hardware communication will make my study of information and control systems at KTH exciting.
As a team leader my team was successful in converting two diesel run heavy harbor crane to an electrically run automated crane. With these we reduced CO2 emissions in the work area and increased equipment efficiency. Through this project I developed the ability to critically and systematically integrate knowledge, analysis, assess and deal with mechanical, electrical and automation subjects.
I have submitted papers to the University for Integration of renewable sources, automated generation control using Fuzzy logic control as a bachelor's thesis. These projects were stimulated in a MATLAB a tool that proved vital for my Masters Degree thesis and research projects.
As a winner of KTH summer quiz I met prof.Rajeesh Thotapalli, through him I understood that KTH leads Swedish Centre for Smart Grids and Energy Storage and partners with various academia, industry and public utilities. Integrating myself into these facilities will help me gain practical knowledge and improve my network with partner industries in Sweden and studying theory at KTH while modeling optimal solutions for power crisis would prove crucial for technology transfers which I desire to learn from my Masters degree Electrical power engineering at KTH Royal Institute.
