The Study Plan for Consulate General of Canada - recommended educational direction

Hi all,

My name is Henry, I would like travel abroad for study in Canada. Now, it is time for the study permit application. I am wondering about its vocabulary, grammar and meanings. So, can anyone please help to check and correct it? Thank you so much for your readiness.

"Nothing ventures, nothing gains"

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My name is Tran Duc Thu and people often call Henry as my English name. And I have graduated HoaSen University with a Bachelor of Business Administration in 2011. Besides, I have visualized myself becoming a successful business man in not only my current field, Logistics industry but also my own business in Fashion industry as the trendy leader. That is why I now tend to study overseas after 4 working years as a logistics supervisor and 3 business years as an entrepreneur. Thus, I did research on a good university abroad which would fit to my purpose and aspiration. That is how I apply for Applied Business Management program for graduates in University of Manitoba in State of Manitoba to prepare the first stone of my life-work plan.

To begin with, I have long wished to study in Canada because of its qualified education system and diversified cultures. Many people admit that Canadian educational system is standing at the top education-proving countries among America, England, Australia, New Zealand. Moreover, there are not only thousands of students are persuaded after study time in Canada by its education methods and quality, but also many advices from my university professors and speakers give me the same destination. Another reason is its cultural diversity - it will be a very interesting place to experience the life of new cultures and languages. It will be a definitely surprised moment as listening to a dozen of languages while walking on the street although Canada has only 2 official languages, English and French.

Besides, I have recognized that now is the time to truly approach new theories and update the latest practice after a long time of experiencing work in Vietnam. Based on my educational background in Business Administration, I would like to acquire the higher level of management so that I need to master in finance, human resources management for the Vietnam economy integration. That is why I have applied for "Applied Business Management" program at University of Manitoba in which is providing an advanced knowledge with a fairly suitable cost of living and studying. In the program menu, it delivers students 2 main valuable subjects, I believe, "Organizational behavior" and 'Strategic Analysis". In term of organizational behavior, it will provide me the new methodologies to understand staff further, because in any behaviors always hide away their means. I tend to master other behaviors in a company that means the workplaces would be a second home to staff rather than a place-for-work. In the contrary, subject Strategic Analysis will support graduates in orientating its short-term, mid-term, long-term business plan and ability to adjust plans up on circumstances.

As a saying goes "Nothing ventures, nothing gains", but the practical question is that how to succeed in the dramatically competitive market nowadays. Thus, this is a chance to refresh my current knowledge and understanding in Vietnam, thoughts and working methods as well. I have sharpened managerial skills and general knowledge as living and working in Ho Chi Minh. As the fact that the world change so fast, so do skills and knowledge. Thus, it had better travel overseas to approach the truly developed places in which people appreciate the business efficiency in practice rather than studying in Ho Chi Minh with its long-time provided theories and hardly practical application.

Moreover, I have experienced a team leader position as well as an entrepreneur between 2012 and 2017, which supports me to realize the need of education upgrade. Because being an Applied Business Management student at University of Manitoba is not only learning the latest knowledge and skills but also gaining the living experience about Canada cultures and business environment. The overseas study will furnishes me with good connecting and understanding in order to expand my own Nicole Bridal brand to worldwide and Canada in particularly. Today, I have exported our wedding dress designs to Singapore and Hamburg, Germany and in planning to deliver many other destinations. After the course completion, I will fly back to Ho Chi Minh to keep up with expanding my current Nicole Bridal and rechecking the strategy for its next 5 year plan. Also, I wish to compensate to my family members for 1 year time that I unable take care of them.

Thus, if I can get the study permit from Consulate General of Canada in Ho Chi Minh, every moment I may fell at Manitoba, Canada will never be wasteful. By completing the Canada journey, my profession can be updated to a new level where I can apply knowledge to my own business or take the high-level job opportunity in multi-national company and become a successful boss and manager.

Truly I would like to say thanks for your time considering this study plan. Your approval is the most fundamental to my career road.

Sincerely,

Tran Duc Thu

Henry, let's start with some facts for this study plan. The study plan should include a properly developed statement of purpose in order to justify you desire to study in Canada. Right now, your purpose is not very clear. The way I see it, you are planning on a career change once you go back to your home country right? If so, make that the central purpose of your study. That way you can immediately focus the essay on your bridal brand rather than using so much word filler in the essay which does not help to move your purpose or discussion forward in the eyes of the reviewer.

To follow that up, you are spending too much time telling the reviewer about the world wide status of Canadian education, why is that? That is at least one whole paragraph of unnecessary information that does not help your application in any way. Rather, you should be discussing how you plan to pay for your studies in Canada. If you will be paying out of your own pocket, or if your parents will be paying for your fees or if you will be splitting the costs with them. That is more pertinent to your study plan. After all, if the reviewer doesn't have any idea as to how you plan to pay for your education, I sincerely doubt he will be impressed by your study plan.

Next, you will need to come up with some relevant information regarding your choice of university. This discussion should present the reasons why you chose to study there. The reasons should include, aside from the notable courses of the university, the opportunity to network with an international clientele or among your student peers, the training programs or internships that make you feel like your training will be unique if completed at the University of Manitoba, as well as any potential partnerships that the university may be able to help you cultivate during your time as a student.

By the way, it would be great if you could mention some specifics about your previous academic studies. Highlight the notable achievements that you have and make sure that the reviewer knows your highest possible GPA, even if he doesn't refer to your submitted documents.

You can begin to revise your essay content based upon my aforementioned suggestions. It should get your study plan on the right track and should shorten the length of your essay to a more interesting length.

Hi Holt,

Truly thanks for your advice. It helps me alot to visualize my study plan because I am out of track on the beginning and just try to write as much as possible. Let me adjust it with clearer ideas.

Hi Holt,

Based on your comment, I have adjusted the study plan for clearer idea and well organised paragraphs. Can you please screen it for a while?

Thank you so much.

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My name is Tran Duc Thu and people often call me Henry as my English name. And I have graduated from HoaSen University and gained a Bachelor of Business Administration in 2011. Besides, I have visualized myself becoming a successful man not only in my current field - Logistics industry, but also in Fashion industry as a business owner. That is the reason why I tend to study overseas after four-working-year as a logistics supervisor and three-working-year as an entrepreneur. I have researched many good universities abroad to find one which is suitable to my purpose and aspiration. Luckily, I found the Applied Business Management program for graduates in University of Manitoba in Canada and apply to study in the May 2017 intake to prepare the first stone of my life-work plan.

Besides, I have recognized that now is the right time to truly approach new theories and update the latest practice after a long time of experiencing work in Vietnam. Based on my educational background in Business Administration, I had eagerly studied finance, human resource and business strategy as well as business ethics subjects, which are being applied to build up Nicole brand now.. Based on the fundamental knowledge in university, I built up the standard operation procedure, the salary and incentives policy, the internal rules as well as the wholesales policy with suppliers and customers. However, I have a strong belief that my brand name would have more opportunities in not only local market but also foreign markets if I had good understanding and networking enough. Thus, I would like to acquire the higher level of real management so that I can master in finance, human resources management in preparation for the Vietnam economy integration. That is why I have applied for the "Applied Business Management" program at University of Manitoba which provides an advanced knowledge with a fairly suitable cost of living and studying. In the program curriculum, it delivers students two main valuable subjects, which is "Organizational behavior" and 'Strategic Analysis". In term of Organizational Behavior, it will provide me the new methodologies to understand staffs further, because in any of their behaviors always hide away their means. On the other hand, Strategic Analysis will support me with orientation how to make short-term, mid-term, long-term business plan and ability to adjust plans up on circumstances more efficiently.

As a saying goes "Nothing ventures, nothing gains", and Nicole Bridal was first settled in my wife's house in Jun 2013 before moving to downtown of Ho Chi Minh in November 2013 in Ho Chi Minh with capital of USD 20,000 including all new equipment, reconstruction, decoration and a new collection of designed dresses. With the purpose of business expansion and standardization, I had sharpened managerial skills and opened networking when I kept enrolled in the course of Management for Middle Manager in Pace Institute in 2015, while I worked for Shipco Transport Vietnam to prepare for finance issue in abroad-study plan.

Fortunately, my family has agreed to split the school fee and living cost with me in half-half. Thus, I really appreciate my parents who have played a big role in the chance to approach the truly developed places. In the study time, I will keep manage Nicole Bridal through weekly, monthly reports updated by my wife. Furthermore, I will be able to create marketing campaigns in Facebook, Etsy, Ebay to attract new customers or at least introduce Nicole Bridal brand name to the world. In addition, in the break time between 2 main semesters, I will apply for a part-time job which is related to sales or market research position to enrich my skills in practice.

Moreover, being an Applied Business Management student at University of Manitoba is not only learning the latest knowledge and skills but also gaining the living experience about Canada cultures and business environment. The overseas study will equip me with good connecting and understanding in order to develop my own Nicole Bridal to worldwide and especially the opportunities to network with an international client, future partners in my university peers. Because I have recently exported our wedding dress designs to Singapore and Hamburg, Germany and planned to distribute many destinations. After the course completion, I will go back to Ho Chi Minh to keep up with my current Nicole Bridal's expansion and adjusting the strategy for its next 3 year plan if needed. Also, I wish to compensate to my little family for 1 year time that I unable take care of them.

Thus, if I can get the study permit from Consulate General of Canada in Ho Chi Minh, every moment I may fell at Manitoba, Canada will never be wasteful. By completing the Canada journey, my profession can be updated to a new level where I can apply knowledge to my own business or take the high-level job opportunity in multi-national company and become a successful boss and manager.

Truly I would like to say thanks for your time considering this study plan. Your approval is the most fundamental to my career road.

Henry, the essay is still too long and confused in the way you present the information. There is a lack of clear and logical discussion presentation that should be assisting the reviewer in making considerations for your application. You can still revise the essay in order to create a more informative essay that will make sense to the reviewer.

You can start by first, explaining the college course that you completed while explaining that you had always hoped to vary your career path later on towards something of more interest to you. Then explain that the path towards this career change has already begun, which is why it is imperative that you take this masters degree as soon as possible.

The second paragraph should introduce your Nicole Bridal brand to the reviewer. Offer a history of the business, as you did above, only this time, highlight the problems that you have with managing the business which you believe can be addressed by the completion of additional, higher studies. Explain how your college education proved to be lacking when you began your career as a businessperson.

The third paragraph should offer an insight into the kind of non academic training that you might have had while managing your business. Seminars in business management would help a lot to support your claims at this point. Even the work that you did at your family business will help, provided the work experience directly relates to management. Offer an insight as to how your family based training was able to help you set up your business.

In the fourth paragraph, explain your plans for after graduation. This way the consul will know that you have a desire to return to your home country after completing your studies. Offer a short term plan for your post study goals. Something about how you plan to use your education to help build a better business for yourself.

Finally, explain why you opted to study at the University of Manitoba. Reiterate your desire for a better education that cannot be accomplished by seeking masters degree studies in your home country. Then end the essay.

As a side note, please double check your sentences and make sure that you do not accidentally start and of them with the words "and, but, or because". That is not academically acceptable. Unless used to present a new idea in the same sentence, separating the thoughts using a comma instead of a period.

Hi Holt,

Thanks for your advice, Holt. I am not so good at English writing as well as academical writing but I try to update it everyday.

I am going to apply for this study plan tomorrow because 3 more days are our national Tet holiday and Consulate of Canada will close their office for a few days. So appreciate your help and maybe I will thank to you to correct my final study plan once more.

Henry

Hi Holt,

Can you please check the below one? Based on your clear instruction, I have revised much on the last version. Thanks anyway (Y)

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My name is Tran Duc Thu and people often call me Henry as my English name. I have graduated from HoaSen University which was the first not-for-profit university in Vietnam and gained a Bachelor of Business Administration in 2011. The major provided me with generally extensive business knowledge which I could flexibly choose my career paths in the future. In the university, I had been taught about diversified things from official subjects regarding local laws, finance, human resources, marketing to personal skills with reference to leadership, team-work, typing, networking skills. In my third year student time, I had been elected to play the president of SIFE Hoa Sen University team (Student in Free Enterprise) to run social activities in order to help local area better. Although I was resigned to have a good preparation for bachelor graduation five years ago, the SIFE team has being kept running sustainably and responsibly by younger talents who has thoroughly understood the core values of Hoa Sen University.

After university graduation, I had worked for Panda Global Logistics Ltd as a salesman for a half year from Aug 2011 before working as the same position for a U.S multi-national logistics company, namely Shipco Transport Vietnam Ltd from 2012 to 2016. Half and a year after being on board with Shipco Transport, I were proudly offered for a sales supervisor. As a saying goes "Nothing ventures, nothing gains", I had opened a household business with my whole capital of around USD 5,000 called Nicole Bridal which operated in wedding fashion field at the same time of my Shipco title upgrade. However, the strongly competitive market and locally increased needs urged me to establish Nicole Limited Company in year 2015. The changes has delivered us many advantages to compete with other rivals, however, financial management, staff management, authority-related and interpersonal skill issues have gradually become complicated problems. Thus, those invisibly breakable issues forced me to quit Shipco Transport in Jan 2016 and focused on solutions to professionalize my business.

Hence, those are the reasons why I tend to study overseas. I have researched many good universities abroad to find one which is suitable to my purposes. Luckily, I found the Applied Business Management program for graduates in University of Manitoba (UOM) in Canada and applied to study in the Apr 2017 intake. UOM provides me with advanced theories with fairly suitable costs of living and studying. In the program curriculum, I will have chances to study about organizational behavior, finance and strategic analyst which can be helpful to deal with my current problems in my Nicole business. To be more important, being an Applied Business Management student at UOM is not only learning the latest knowledge and skills but also gaining the living experience about Canada cultures and business opportunities from international friends.

In terms of costs in Canada, my parents will play the most believable back-up in case of financial emergency for my little family and myself if needed. In fact, my household business's income is adequate to sponsor my education and living cost in Canada for one year education. After course completion, I will fly back to Ho Chi Minh for my private business which I will apply my newly practical knowledge to dissolve the current problems and strategize to distribute Nicole's designs to worldwide. From my utmost, I wish to compensate to my little family for one year in happiness.

Lastly, if I can get the study permit approval from Consulate General of Canada in Ho Chi Minh, my every moment passes at Manitoba, Canada will never be wasteful. By completing the Canada journey, my profession can be updated to a new level where I can apply knowledge to my own business and become a successful businessperson.

Truly I would like to say thanks for your time considering this study plan. Your approval is the most fundamental to my career road.

Sincerely,

Henry

Hi Henry, I believe that this study plan is ready to be presented to the consulate for the consideration of your student visa application. It has all of the elements of a well thought out and presented plan for your academic future. However imperfect the grammar may be at times, it does not detract from the actual message of your letter. I would like to offer some final tips for correction before you submit this letter though.

In this opening statement, there is no need to introduce your English name to the reviewer since that is not reflected in your application documents. It will just confuse the reviewer if he has to remember two of your names. Just use your legal name in all instances. Then, in the second sentence, do not start it with the word "And". That is academically unacceptable so you cannot use that word to start the sentence in a professional letter. The rest of the content is acceptable though. You need not worry as to whether or not the consul will understand your letter, I can assure you that he will understand it.

Hi Holt,

I truly appreciate for your kind and thorough support. Just wanna say thanks to what you have done for me.

Wish you and your family in good health and happiness

Best regards,
Henry

I was just informed by General Consulate of Canada in Hochiminh that they have approved for my study plan and application of study permit. Thus, I wanna thank you again.

Henry