I have the tenacity, energy and desire; SOP for Global IT management

Hi all! Please check on some part of my SOP English is not my native language, please help me. and I am in a hurry. I really appreciate you all...^^

In the past several years, after experiencing those colorful and meaningful academic life and social life, I made up my goal that I want to be an expert in the field which can create a value by integrating those different elements in the International Business. Especially when it comes to the relationship between the information system in company and the business objective (IT-ROI), I'd like to do my research on the following areas:

1.The corresponding and innovation of M/E-Commerce in the international market. (Information Security, Logistics Market, etc.)
2. Human Computer Interaction (HCI)
3. ICT development and Standards Setting in Developing Countries (China)

...

In addition to the academic study, I will attend a plenty of experiences to increase my research level.

...

I believe that the excellent professors and research environment in **** (university )could help me in realizing my dream. Many people who meet me at the first time may think that I am quiet and introverted. However, if I have made up my mind to do something, I'll put my whole mind and energy into it. I have the tenacity, energy and desire to get over any difficulties in front of me, focusing and having a get-the-job-done attitude. I approach every project with great enthusiasm and look at taking on challenging projects as opportunities to learn new ideas and technologies that would assist me to become more effective at research and study. Moreover, I have been in the top level of any academic studies all the time. If I could get this chance to get into the new academic world again, I will do my best to be one of ****(university name) people whom my alma mater can be proud of in the future.

Hello there,

Considering an SOP requires knowing what its purpose is. To what school or program are you applying? What school or job are you coming from? In the first section, what 'past several years?' How many years? What 'colorful and meaningful academic and social life' experiences are you talking about? Keep in mind that virtually any applicant can write in broad strokes and gloss over the details in this manner. What is going to set you apart is specificity. Shed light on the things you're talking about? Illuminate for the reader who you are and why you stand out?

Does your SOP have a length limit? If so, you should abide by that. Having said this, your current draft feels very brief. The SOP is your one opportunity to present yourself - in any way you choose - to the AdCom. It is not an opportunity to be passed up. It serves you well - and strengthens your application package - to use this opportunity creatively, thoughtfully and wisely.

You wish to pursue international business. Why? What is your background in? You list 3 areas of research you'd like to pursue. This is great. Can you elaborate on each one? How do they work with each other? How do your interests inform each other? What are your short- and long-term goals, and how will this research further those goals?

Finally, in the conclusion, anyone can talk about 'excellent professors' and so forth. What professors in particular? What about the program is appealing to you? Each SOP must be specific and direct. Make a strong case for why you are a good fit for this school. Along the same lines, anyone can say, "I am tenacious." In writing, we always turn to the familiar rule: show -- don't tell. In other words, show us through examples, stories and anecdotes that you are tenacious. Doing so is much more persuasive and interesting than simply claiming it with the words, "I am tenacious."

You seem to have many interesting qualifications! Give the admissions officers the opportunity to learn more about how unique and qualified you truly are.

Good luck!
Best regards,
Janson

Thank you very much for your advises, Janson. However, I need to explain something to you that those passages I posted are just parts of my SOP, I have written many specific experiences to illustrate that why I chose this field and area. I am just not so sure about the gramma and word using of these passages, so I posted them here. Could you help me to check on them?

I am gonna improve my essay, thanks to your adivises again, If you like, do you mind leave me your e-mail address and I'll send the essay to your e-mail?

In the past several years, after experiencing those colorful and meaningful events in my academic life and social life, I made it my goal to become an expert in ...

In addition to the academic study, I will attend a plenty of experiences to increase my research level skill.

...

I believe that the excellent professors and research environment in **** (university )could help me in realizing my dream. Many people who meet me at for the first time may think that I am quiet and introverted. However, if I have made up my mind to do something, I'll put my whole mind and energy into it. --- excellent!! This s good writing.

I have the tenacity, energy and desire to get over any difficulties in front of me, focusing and having a get-the-job-done attitude.---- perfect!!

Moreover, I have been an the top level of all my academic studies all the time.

If I can----> I will:
If I can get this chance to get into the new academic world again, I will do my best to be one of ****(university name) people whom my alma mater can be proud of in the future.

Thank you , Kevin. ^^