'In touch with business development' - application for an evening MBA program

Why are you pursuing an Evening MBA at this point in your life? (Please include this question at the top of your essay submission.

I wish to pursue an Evening MBA in order to expand my career choices. At the present time of my career I am limited to entry level career options due to my educational background which is a Bachelor degree in Accounting. I wish to bridge this gap in order to be able to obtain better career opportunities and be able to understand and fully develop knowledge of business environment. I also wish to work during this time which is why I chose the evening MBA rather than a full time program. However the foremost reason I am choosing to pursue an evening MBA is to utilize my spare time in order to not lose touch with educational environment and expand my understanding of the business environment as I work. I feel that since I have graduated and worked post graduation I have not developed the practical skills for being skilled in my job. In so far, I wish to develop this knowledge and apply it while working in order to increase my chances of becoming more in touch with business development and enhance my communication and business skills.

I mean what more can I say?

I think you should start with "expand my understanding of the business environment as I work". I think that's more appropriate than basically saying I want a better job. You should still include everything you said but just change the order to put your most important first.

Start your essay with this as your opening statement:
"the foremost reason I am choosing to pursue an evening MBA is to utilize my spare time in order to not lose touch with educational environment and expand my understanding of the business environment as I work. I feel that since I have graduated and worked post graduation I have not developed the practical skills for being skilled in my job. In so far, I wish to develop this knowledge and apply it while working in order to increase my chances of becoming more in touch with business development and enhance my communication and business skills."

You don't have to say I wish to pursue an Evening MBA....

But other than that it's great!!