Please tell us more about yourself. Relate one or more experiences or circumstances that have contributed to your personal and/or academic development. If you have been out of school for a year or longer, please discuss your activities during that period of time.
Twenty years have gone by, I only knew the rustic small roads of Keningau, Sabah, Malaysia where my family grew up alongside our struggles. My mother had me at the early age of twenty-one and was left to raise me and my younger brother all by herself due to my irresponsible "father" who decided to leave us at a young age. I lived with my grandparents carefree and was cherished by them. They were the ones who supported me and my dreams up until this point.
This is one of my experiences that has contributed to my academic and personal growth.
In a vibrant mall, Alya, a young girl, excitedly headed towards a toy store, her pocket jingling with trinkets. Enticed by rows of toy capsule machines promising mystery treasures, she searched her pouch and found two coins. With eager anticipation, she prepared to exchange them for a chance at the prized capsules. However, one coin slipped from her grasp, disappearing into a nearby grate, shattering her hopes of obtaining a toy capsule.
Years after losing that cherished coin, I constantly find myself in similar situations in life. Failing a subject in university can be as disheartening as losing a cherished coin. The sense of disappointment, self-doubt, and regret haunted me. It made me reflect on my academic ability, habits, weaknesses, and preparation. A mere coin is always attainable with dedication, motivation, and will, and I channeled that mindset into retaking the exam and alas succeeded. I've sought out resources, pushing myself to engage with great students and learning with them to achieve what I've lost.
There was also a time in my life when I was devastated and felt hopeless because my application for an exchange student program in high school was canceled due to COVID-19 back in 2019. I was a single strand of hair away from being able to do so. This sparked a motivation in me to continue that dream. I took an alternative course of action by initially pursuing my studies locally. Miraculously, the university that I attended had connections with Temple University. Therefore, I'm now writing this essay to apply to Temple to achieve that childhood ambition of mine. That loss has led me to embrace failure and fill that gap with growth. I believe that some losses will be traded with greater rewards.
If another coin of mine slips away from my grip, I know that it won't be the end of my life. I now know that no matter how dire the situation is, I can always work my way back up. These setbacks are only temporary obstacles. Another coin is undoubtedly attainable with unwavering determination and unyielding passion. If I were able to go back in time, I'd tell little me that that mere loss would be the strength for my future self.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,844 
4785 The story being told is inconsistent. It lacks a smooth flow in terms of transitioning from your early life experience going into the more mature part of your life. Consider leaving out the part about your mother and father. It is very little developed so it does not really seem integral, nor does it show an aspect of your personal development. Your grandparents story suffers from the same problem. Those should either be developed further or, just left out of the essay. The portion where you talk about the little girl, make it clear that you are that little girl who lost the coin. You disengaged yourself from the story so I was wondering what the connection of that child was to you. It was only later on that you clarified you were the child. That needs to be clear from the very start.
