I have drafted the personal statement for applying renewable energy program. Please help me review this statement and let me know your comments for grammar, context or anythings. Thank you very much in advance.
Statement of Purpose
Inspired by the Physics Olympiad program during my tenth grade, I found mechanical engineering is exactly where my interest lies. In the program, I not only learned the fundamentals of Physics and Mathematics through lectures, but also got a better grasp of understandings via hands-on experiments. I enhanced my ability to explain physical and mechanical phenomena. Another decisive event that reaffirmed my thirst for advanced knowledge in engineering was an assignment to construct an 8-metre-wide flower for Sport Day opening. To complete this task, I applied both mechanical calculation and people management skills which are crucial for engineering. Owing to these motivations, I decided to do a Bachelor degree in Automotive Engineering; a mechanical engineering which focuses on special subjects in automotive applications, at Chulalongkorn University (CU), the most renowned university in Thailand.
Aiming to build a strong technical background, I concentrated on mechanical fundamentals; Statics, Dynamics and Fluid mechanics, and also general Sciences; Physics and Chemistry. Three-year exposure to in-depth technical studies from my undergraduate degree called into question real-world applications developed upon this knowledge, hence I sought my internship at Siam Michelin, a company in Michelin group which is one of the leading companies in the tyre business. My comprehension of mechanical skills deployment grew stronger after I undertook a project; semi-automatic machine design for wiring collector repair, with electrical engineering student. This project required extensive applications of Machine Design and Fluid Power theories into real practice of machinery. In my fourth-year graduate group project; automatic brake system design for an unmanned car, I learned to consolidate PID control theories and characteristics of microcontroller, into programming language to control a stepping motor. These two projects more than fulfilled my intention to learn, putting theory into practice, and also equipped me with valuable skills to manage, distribute, and integrate various tasks to achieve the final goal within a time limit.
Graduated with a first-class degree honours, I acquired both profound insight in mechanical engineering fundamentals and their technical applications. In addition, I engaged in Faculty of Engineering's Student Committee as a leader of fourth-year students. Overlooking every extracurricular activity for more than seven hundred students of specialties, I frequently conducted meetings to get each task done bit by bit until all tasks were accomplished. This not only enhanced my skills to lead, manage, and collaborate effectively with people, but also my prospects for success in postgraduate studies and future career.
Seeking new challenges and opportunities in a working life, I destined to pave my future path through the oil and gas industry which is among the most prominent and fastest growing. I decided to join Thai Oil. Working as a rotating equipment engineer at Thai Oil, the largest refinery in Thailand and one of the most complex refineries in Asia-Pacific, I crystallized my intelligence through hands-on practice with various machineries; pumps, compressors and equipment of co-generation.
Three-year in oil and gas industry, I had numerous opportunities to broaden my knowledge and experience about real machineries and also energy conservation. One of worthy experiences is energy saving projects in refineries plants that sometimes involves a million-dollar decision. Another one is Dry Low NOx emission of gas turbines project which was implemented last year due to emission improvement.
In Thailand, Most energy consumption has still relied on fossil fuel; almost 70 percents of electricity produced by natural gas. Regarding this situation, Thai government plans to invest in alternative sources of energy. In addition, environmental pollution especially industrial estate and higher awareness of global warming, there is high potential of renewable energy to be growing in electrical industry and also other industrial sector soon. In Thailand, Solar and biomass energy are currently applied but in limitation and traditional technologies. However, there are high capability to apply both kinds of energy due to torpid zone and agriculture economic base. With this potency, I realized that technologies of energy conversion and storages are crucial tools for green energy establishment in my home country.
Incentivized by the importance of renewable energy in current environment situation and future industry trends, I need a highly structured Postgraduate Degree programme in renewable energy to help me succeed my long term goal as a professional engineer who plays key roles in environmental-friendly energy and environmental improvement in Thailand. The Postgraduate Programme (M.Sc.) Renewable Energy at University of Oldenburg, the one of the most renowned in research and important educational facilities in Germany, will certainly expose me to the latest technical tools and provide me the right balance between theories and practice which are essential for prevailing upon my goal.
I bring along a unique experience of a complex refinery and power plant, a good grasp of solid energy knowledge, Thermofluids, Statics and computational algorithms, and a zest for teamwork which will enrich teaching and learning activities through class and lab discussions as well as promote University of Oldenburg's international academic networks. I would like to take with me, in addition to the engineering sophistication in the field of renewable energy, a network of strong and lasting relationships with my colleagues and teachers. With a truly international studying and living environment which offers an excellent learning experience, I positively believe that University of Oldenburg is a perfect place that will bring out the best in me.
Hey - I noticed this was unanswered, and thought I'd pitch in.
The writing is well thought out, and it sounds like you have a lot of relevant experience in this field. You mentioned briefly what sounded like really relevant projects you did in your undergrad - maybe expand on these more, instead of listing off the kinds of courses you took (that information will be in your transcripts already). Also, at the end you focus on why you want to go to grad school, and what you will use the grad program for (which is fine), but try to also articulate why they should want you, and what you will bring to them.
These are just little points, overall it's great!