"Filmmaking should go beyond mere clubs" - UT- Austin Statement of Purpose

Hello Users,
I'm new to this site, but desperately needed some critical eyes to take a look at my admission essay. I would greatly appreciate comments on content as well as grammer and structure. Those who have also applied and gotten accepted to UT would be additionally valued :) in their comments.

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All that exists in pursuing goals is the reoccurring mindset to never give
up. I choose to believe that despite hardships a person faces, or unclear
variables, against all else determination may be held onto. In the task of
seeking out and identifying the perfect school, this was no exception. Senior year, my life
in Michigan was in somewhat chaos when I found out I would be
moving to Texas. The certainty to attend university out of state was decided
in high school, though preparation of a shift to southern culture I had not
anticipated in the least.

Currently I am attending St. Edward's University, the first semester of
freshman year complete. St. Edward's University is better than I expected.
Considering starting college right away it was almost a blind choice, at the
time it allowed me to mature and realize prestige was not the most important
factor to success. Education should be about receiving individually what tools one can
use to flourish. The semester of freshman year has made me realize I want to
keep going toward my dreams. It's allowed me to see past merely the process of
getting into a university and consider my future fate after education as well.
In the film making industry especially, where I hope to land, it's clear a
degree alone is no fast track to talent. Where might I be in a few years? The
few precious years I have before entering the workforce is no picnic. Students
expecting to gain employment with a Bachelor's degree regardless of effort it
seems are bound to face a shock I have already begun to face in ways. I am
already greatly aware of the risk a film maker faces of unemployment. Still,
the creative possibilities involved keep life interesting.

Although Texas is new to me, a few years ago I came to Austin out of my
interest. Here I made my first short film, Bigfoot, transforming later into a
music video. I've seen first hand what sort of creative possibilities exist in
music, art, and an array of mediums in the city of Austin. It is one of the
few places with such a rich creative environment. Partly I think this is why I
desire to do more than I ever have before. As the new Film chair for the
Digital Media Club, I've begun to write a script for the St. Edward's
Television station. Other responsibilities on my schedule like
fulfilling general requirements leave my schedule full as I continue on the
path of an undecided major. This continuously validates my path is venturing farther
into the unknown. Currently, I can't imagine trying to fund and manage time
for my own productions outside of class. I've considered dropping out of school
to focus on my passion without the debt of a private school. However, receiving a Bachelor's degree is important in providing a credible frame to employer of my abilities. In addition, I would never throw away learning from those at a university with experience in film production to learn

from my own inexperience.

University of Texas- Austin just down the hill has proven to be a wonderful
destination. Filmmaking should go beyond mere clubs I can fit somewhere in my
schedule. I want it to be my way of life and in no way am I there yet. UT
just within Austin is far from my view on the St. Edward's hilltop
though in no way is my life decided. At the moment, I'm drifting farther from
my real ambition although film is a huge part of who I am. At my current
place, I'm distanced from not only what I once dreamed about beginning, but did
willingly. The only way to be recognized is to keep
doing, and having moved to Texas it reminds me much change is possible. With that in mind I must retain my visions then not give before losing them. Thoreau said, "If you

have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they
should be. Now put the foundations under them". Though I thoroughly have built plans, now I may lay the foundations for the rest of my professional career. I cannot think of anywhere

better than the city I've fallen in love with to progress in creative acheivement.

At the end of the first paragraph, you make an intriguing remark about the transition to a new culture. Because of that, I think the first line of the next paragraph should to that culture transition again. Instead, you used this sentence that I quoted above, and it is just a boring and informative sentence. I think you should replace it with an interesting sentence of that continues that team about a cultural transition.

Ershad gave great advice, too! A thesis statement conveys the main idea of the essay would be very good, too.


Here is a sentence you should probably revise for clarity.

:-) I think they will be impressed by you!