"The White Crayon" - Art School Admission Personal Statement REVIEW

I'm applying for University of the Arts London's fall term intake and needed to make a personal statement as one of the application qualification. All critique & comments are welcome, thank you :)

"The White Crayon" Personal Statement

My pile of paper and twenty-four pack of crayons never left my school bag as a child. My most loved around then was blue, almost at its little dying breath since I utilized it in every single picture I drew. Although, most of my elementary years I felt like an unnoticeable white crayon that did not hold any purpose. I felt like an outsider way out of the league, henceforth, the crayons and paper were my closest companion and drawing turned into a major portion of my youth.

As time passed by and technology developed, I turned out to be more mindful of my surroundings and the circle of friends that I had made me more aware of my passion for art. I at last understood that the white crayon actually holds a purpose, it just needs to be blended with an alternate medium - paint perhaps. Just because the outcome is not there yet, does not mean it is not coming. I simply need to open up to the world, widen my perspectives, and experiment on new things.

So I did, I attempted on using different mediums that additionally builds up on my artistic skills. I picked up an interest in digital arts. It was a major step in my middle school experience since it opened up to a whole new world of chances and challenges.

During secondary school, I've worked as art coordinators on external state-wide sport and art events and competitions held by the student council and the school. One thing that shaped me the most as an artist is my school's musical in which I was appointed as the Art Director and Event Manager. It confronted me with many challenges that do not only develop my artistic skills but also my risk-taking and problem-solving skills. Throughout I was always an optimist. I've always seen an open door in each trouble. The challenges I faced made me feel like a white crayon on black paper, streaking strong. I then understood that I require the environment to make me develop as an artist, as well as an individual. I needed to be in the best place there is to plunge me even further within my passion, and London struck me the most. I do love my nation but to get out of it for some time is necessary so I could return stronger and construct the things that turn the future brighter for my nation furthermore myself.

I am the creator of my destiny and I believe that I could achieve great things with University of the Arts London.

Diandra, please make sure you address my suggestions on your next version of this article and please tweak in some diction as well.
Best.

Diandra, is there a specific instruction for this personal statement as dictated by the university? If there are no preset in structions then this essay does not convey the sense of a personal statement. Instead, it gives off the vibe of a motivational essay. The discussion you outlined here indicates why you want to attend art school. It does not show the development of your artistic ability in the personal statement sense of the term. As a personal statement, the essay needs to show a deeper sense of how you were introduced to the world of art, how you began to participate in it, the evolution of your medium, and why you decided that art school at this particular university goes well with your personal plans for your artistic future. At this point, the personal statement should only highlight the development of your skills rather than the motivation behind it. Those are actually two different topics which, as clearly seen in this case, often get confused when the student begins to develop the response essay. If you won't mind developing the essay towards the proper slant, I believe that your personal statement can take on a more involved and relevant discussion with regards to the development of your interest in the arts.