Writing Feedback / The Death Penalty is the best way to control and reduce serious crime. To what extent do you agree? [5]


I realize that this is your personal opinion and it is essential to the presentation. However, you cannot use it to open the first paragraph since that section is reserved for the prompt rephrasing. You may include that statement in your writer's opinion presentation as a part of your thesis statement though. I am sad to say that your first paragraph will cause the eventual failing score of the essay for 2 reasons:

1. The incorrect prompt restatement
2. The unrelated response format that you used for the writer's opinion section

The final reason that this essay will not receive a passing score is because you used a comparison discussion format in the reasoning paragraphs where a single opinion defense using 2 supporting reasons was the expected discussion format.

Writing Feedback / In order to study at university, students is required to pay expensive tuition fees. [3]


Do not exaggerate your topic presentation. There is no supporting information from the original prompt to validate this restatement presentation on your part and the examiner knows this. He will deduct points for prompt deviation in relation to the idea presentation of the original prompt.


There is no comparison idea being presented in the original prompt. Therefore, there should not be any comparison references in the paraphrasing.


Use a first person pronoun to represent yourself as the originator of the idea. That is what is expected in relation to your preliminary GRA score. Use a simple agree or disagree presentation as well. This is an ot an extent essay. learn to use the correct response format for the given prompts otherwise you will risk point deductions for not responding in the expected format for the prompt.

Writing Feedback / Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment [3]

The essay does not meet the minimum word requirement of 250 words. This will force the examiner to apply penalty deductions to your work in the preliminary TA score, which could actually prevent you from getting closer to or receiving a passing score in this section of the test. Always meet the minimum word requirement to eliminate that deduction possibility. The more word numbers you lack, the bigger your chances of automatic failure.


You are being asked to present opinions and responses in this section of the writing task. Therefore, you have to show ownership when writing your responses by using 1st person pronoun references. This is imperative because your GRA and C+C scores will be increased by your correct usage of sentence personal references, which lead to a more properly structured sentence response.

Graduate / Personal Statement for MSc Information Technology University of Glasgow [3]

A personal statement should be less of a combined motivational letter and resume explanation and more of a personal insight into who you are beyond the professional persona. I am not sure if you were given any writing content guidelines for this written interview so I am going to give you advice based upon what information I believe you should be presenting to the reviews.

The information you present about your developing interest in this field of Information Technology and Cybersecurity should be presented in a more relaxed and conversational tone. Tell the reviewer what you do during your spare time which happens to coincide with your desire to pursue additional learning in this field. Portray your interest as a passion rather than a professional consideration. Go outside of the office space. Try to diversify your discussion by showing other activities that you do that may or may not relate to your interest in this field. Show the flip side of your personality to the reviewer.

As this is a personal statement, it is not necessary to discuss the reasons that you chose to study at the university and what you hope to accomplish there. That discussion should be delved into on a much deeper basis within your motivational letter.

Scholarship / Commonwealth Masters Scholarship Pharmacology and Drug Discovery MSc [3]

These are mere discussion points. Bullet points if you will. The product of your brainstorming, nothing more. It does not properly respond to the writing guide information as required. Presentation-wise, these are just anchor sentences for the paragraphs. What it these are lacking are proper expanded discussion presentations. It is obvious that the writer is using researched information, without fully understanding the background of the researched data. You have to go beyond this data to show a full understanding of how Antibiotic Resistance affects the 3 areas of study as indicated in the prompts. There is a lack of development in the presentation so you cannot use these as actual responses unless you fully develop the ideas you have presented.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 1 - PROCESS - How drinking water is made using solar power. [4]

Do not fall into the habit of writing the essays, be it in task 1 or 2, in a quoted format. There is no need to use quotation marks in your presentation. That will lower your GRA score tremendously because it shows that you are not capable of writing in a proper essay format.

The summary overview must be completed over a 2 sentence presentation. Do not compress the presentation into 1 sentence. You have a 5 sentence allowance per paragraph. Use one idea per sentence and fully utilize the sentence allowance per paragraph.

Fix your paragraph presentations. You are placing the topic sentences at the end of the paragraph when it should be placed as the first sentence in each explanation paragraph. The main problem with this essay this time, is in the GRA section. The sentence structure should be corrected to show a clearer thought presentation regardless of the type of sentence presented (e.g. simple, complex, compound).

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2:People becoming interested in the history of the house or building they live in [6]

The task 2 essay has a 300 word limit due to the 40 minute writing deadline. Aim to present that number number next time. That is to help ensure that you will be able to finish drafting, editing, and finalizing the content of the essay prior to the time limit. You can achieve that by not over discussing the essay and needlessly extending the discussion just so you can use more English vocabulary. That is how most students end up failing the test.

You did a good job in the restatement but only partially covered the thesis statement requirements of the writer's opinion. You should have been clear about the type of research that you would recommend or be discussing in the remaining paragraphs.


This part should not have been included anymore in the 1st reasoning paragraph since it was not fully developed in the same manner as the other 2 reasons that were previously presented in the same paragraph.



This comparison method cannot be used in this discussion because you are not comparing related discussion points. This is not the proper transition phrase set to be used. Use an anchor topic instead next time since you are discussing a different topic in this paragraph that is unrelated to the first one.

Writing Feedback / An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgeryto improve their appearance [3]

This is a highly effective prompt restatement. It shows off the writer's English comprehension abilities. The writer is capable of understanding the given prompt which was written in native English and accurately restated the same in his paraphrasing indicating an English vocabulary command higher than that of a beginning learner. As far as the writer's opinion + thesis statement, it was also well developed and supportive of the discussion as required by the prompt. The paragraph will definitely boost the preliminary score of the student.

Now for the problem in the reasoning paragraphs. Since you offered 2 supporting reasons for your opinion, as required for this type of discussion, you were not supposed to defend both sides of the discussion. Rather, you were to present supporting reasons for your 2 given opinions. That is because you are expected to prove the validity of your reasoning topics. So the score boost that was received will be reduced because of the lack of proper supporting statements for both reasons presented. No score will be provided for the non-supporting presentation. The essay will be scored based upon an under developed reasoning presentation instead, which may lead to a non passing score once the other applied deductions are tallied for the final score.

Scholarship / Experience as an exchange Erasmus student - Chevening essay on Leadership and Influence [2]

Your presentation is dull and not interesting. So you were an EM scholar in the past. So what? There is nothing to prove that you were able to cultivate your EM scholarship experience into a leadership role once you returned to your home country. There is no real discussion showing that you actually parlayed the experience into a notable one that developed you as a future leader in your company either through a position promotion to one that carries a degree of leadership requirements or, that you were able to lead a successful project based upon your EM experience. The discussion is too vague in references. It needs specifics that would show the reviewer that you actually have at least a few of the leadership abilities that Chevening is looking for because EM cultivated it in you for real world / profession application.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 1 - PROCESS - THE PRODUCTION OF BEER [2]


There are 2 things wrong with this summary overview section. The first problem, is that the image is misidentified as a picture, which is not the correct alternative word for "diagram". A proper alternate identified would have been "illustrative drawing" or "procedural reference image". The other error is that the writer is referring to the position of the image on the page. The assumption for the task 1 essay is that the reader does not have access to the image and will not be able to see or refer to it as he reads the presentation. So there are 2 large point deductions mistakes in the first sentence of the first paragraph alone.

Graduate / Transportation and Geoinformation Technology - Motivation Letter for Applying Master Program [2]

Your degree is related to Forestry Engineering, which is all about the management of natural resources. You are over reaching and hoping that somehow the reviewer would see a connection between forestry and urban development. The latter is the college course that would actually have some convincing reference points to traffic management in your home country. Urban development is relevant to the economic and social development of a country which includes planning and mapping of roads and business centers. The reviewer will immediately see this disconnection and reject your application. I would rather focus your discussion in the relationship of Geoinformation technology to the situation that I hope to address in my home country, after the completion of this course. Do not confuse the discussion with your degree in Forestry Engineering.

Writing Feedback / Everyone should be allowed to attend university free of charge [2]


You are not being asked to state an opinion regarding the status of the public discussion of this topic. Therefore, you should not be stating anything regarding this most specially at the start of the prompt restatement. This creates an inaccurate restatement as there is no reference to such an opinion in the original presentation. It affects the accuracy of your restatement in a negative manner.


It is important to create the best reasoning overview for your presentation in the writer's opinion section. You gain extra points for delivering a valid thesis statement composed of the 2 reasons that you will be discussing in the reasoning paragraphs. It helps to create a summary of the discussion that appropriately responds to the task writing requirement. The strongest reasoning that you could provide should relate to the free education status in your own country. That way you gain extra points for personal knowledge and experience reference points in the actual discussion

The discussion you posed covers a general hypothesis which, like I mentioned above, is more difficult to discuss as you are not basing your information on personal insight and relevant experiences. Examiners always give extra points when the writing relates to direct knowledge from the writer. If you can indicate how this relates to your own college considerations, then it will gain the best possible points in an actual test.

Writing Feedback / What are the benefits of regular exercise for teens? [2]

While the essay shows researched information from various sources, the discussion could have been improved upon if you had included a personal opinion regarding the benefits of regular exercise. These essays often require a personal insight because you are expected to have had some experience regarding the topic. So while the discussion about the data from reliable authorities helped you present an authoritative paragraph, it does not effectively represent the benefits of exercise on an individualized and personal basis. There are going to be times when you are writing in English when you will be asked to discuss a public opinion or publicly known information, then compare it with your own point of view or experiece. That is what I was looking for in this presentation paragraph. That is why I implied that the statement is good, but could have been better. This is a good discussion presentation just the same.

Undergraduate / Reading Stories; its impact on my perception of Sexuality (Common App) [2]

This is a wonderfully crafted look into your personality and why it would make you stand out as a student at the college. However, I feel that it could still be improved. There seems to be a gap in the storytelling. The big portion in the middle that would show or discuss how you searched for the answers to your questions after your self awareness was awakened. What factors led to your conclusion that you are asexual and not just biding your time till the right person comes along? The story needs to show the enlightement portion to become more effective in telling your story. Do you think your asexuality is something permanent? Might it change in the future if you meet someone, regardless of gender, who might stir those romantic feelings in you? Self pondering would help show that as a future college student, you will not stop searching for who you are, even as you study courses to help you reach who you desire to be professionally.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Discuss both views for high salaries [3]

The essay will receive a failing score because it does not follow the require response format for the compare and contrast writing instruction. The first problem will be that your thesis statement is incomplete. While you refer to which side you support, you do not summarize why you support that point of view. You need to establish the reasons why you also support the given opinion otherwise the restatement is incomplete.

Using the comparison format per reasoning paragraph means that you have to present a pro and con discussion or a pro and pro discussion, depending upon whether you support or do not support the point of view. You cannot discuss this based on your personal opinion alone. You have to discuss the public reasons first, which should be different from your personal opinion. Based upon this current presentation, you are using only the personal point of view, which resulted in an incomplete discussion presentation. There always have to be 2 sides, the public and the personal opinion in the discussion presentation.

Letters / Medical Field - Stipendium Hungaricum Scholarship Motivation Letter [2]

This is more of a personal statement than a motivation letter. Specifically, this is not an essay that was drafted based upon the scholarship guidelines for this program. The focus of the letter is not on the motivational factors that the reviewers will be looking for upon receiving this application letter. It would appear that you are not familiar with the contents of the motivational letter for this scholarship program because you failed to address the qualifiers for the motivational consideration of your application. Therefore, I urge you to look up the writing guidelienes for the Hungaricum Stipendium program for your country then revise your letter accordingly. Give the required written interview information instead of information that you think would help your application. Do not second guess the reviewers, provide the information that they will actually consider so that they do not set aside and forget about your application.

Undergraduate / Space Boys NFT - My College Application Essay [2]

While the prompt you chose for this narration seems to be applicable on the outset, a deeper reading will make the examiner realize that you chose the wrong prompt. The onset of the actual story contains information that appears to be more applicable to the prompt relating to a story that you feel would help complete your story. The journey you undertook in this statement offers an insight into your financial responsibility and investment understanding mindset / development rather than an obstacle or failure you had to overcome. I will be great if you can also tell the story in a shorter manner. The reviewers do not have the time to read through such a lengthy story. They prefer essays that submit the information in a concise, yet memorable manner.

The first paragraph is not an effective hook. It is the same old story that almost all college applicants have in relation to their upbringing and the financial struggle of their parents. There is nothing that will hold the interest of the reviewer and make him wish to learn more about you. I would not rely on those quotations either. Reviewers prefer to get to know you through your own mindset, definition, or understanding of your personal situation. Try to develop that with a more interesting and personal introduction instead.

Undergraduate / Navigating Change: Lessons from Birds in Flight - US College common App [3]

I am not sure which if the common app prompts you are responding to with this essay. I wish you had included the prompt so that I could give you the most appropriate review for your work. Right now I can only offer a general review.

This is not coming across as a common app response. It offers information that is more related to a generic personal statement.so it does not deliver the kind of information that the common app topics require. You might want to reconsider using this essay in its totality. It doesn't deliver the epiphany type of response that commonly accompanies the college admission writing prompts. This is more of a scholarship application type personal statement.

Writing Feedback / Only educating students to learn academic knowledge to pass exams or teaching them essential skills. [2]

Kindly remember that there is a 40 minute writing limit for the task 2 essay. It will be impossible for you to write an essay of over 400 words during this time frame. You must write no more than 250 - 300 words if you want to meet the time allowance. Failure to properly develop and conclude the essay within 40 minutes will result in an automatic failing score. A long essay will always result in a failing score. The word count has nothing to do with passing the test. It is your ability to use reason and logic in English that is scored, not the word count nor the vocabulary alone.


LR and GRA violations exist in this portion alone. Wrong spelling for "opinion" and "I" is never written in lower case. It is not important to say "In my opinion" either since it is already clear by using the word "I" that you are presenting a personal point of view.

Writing Feedback / Why do we need music? Is a country's traditional music more important than international music [5]


Never open the prompt restatement with your personal opinion as that alters the focus of the original discussion. The personal opinion should be merged with your writer's opinion presentation instead. This should always be read by the examiner as a part of the thesis statement that helps to form the basis of your opinion as the writer.


The question you should respond to is whether traditional music is more important than international music. It is not about traditional music being replaced by international music.

Based on the errors in the first paragraph, I can already see that the essay will not reach a preliminary passing TA score. There are 2 big red flags that explain why this will happen. These are the reasons why I am not confident that this essay will receive passing score.

There are too many reasons presented in the discussion paragraphs, which do not properly related or transition effectively from one reason to the next. The connection in the transition is missing so the paragraph is difficult to follow and understand.

As for the concluding summary, the 2 sentence, 40 word requirement is not properly represented either. The concluding summary is severly lacking in terms of the reverse paraphrase requirement.

Writing Feedback / History is valuable or not. Discuss both views, give opinion [2]

Even as the essay is overwritten at 326 words, the response format presented for the discussion is incorrect. This will lead to a failing preliminary score because the expected response format was not used by the writer. A review of the prompt restatement will show that it is also incomplete. The correect restatement should profile both public opinions prior to the presentation of your personal opinion. The writer's opinion presented only shows the idea of the student, it lacks the supporting reasons presentation that would have completed the thesis statement and provide a summary of the upcoming reasoning paragraphs.

The lack of proper group and personal pronouns in the presentation of reasons also shows that the writer is not capable of differentiating between the public explanation, which is a required explanation for each paragraph, and his personal point of view pertaining to the given opinion, as the comparison point. As such, the examiner will be confused as to whose opinion is being presented and defended per paragraph. That is why the pronouns must be used when discussing the reasons. You cannot immediately jump to your personal opinion, without doing a comparison point of the 2 public perceptions.

Another problem is the summary conclusion. It must be presented with at least 40 words, covering 2 sentences at the least. the lack of proper formatting in the essay will be one of the main causes of the final failing score of this essay. Overall, this is not going to be an essay that will get a passing score in an actual test based on the shortcomings of the writer in this presentation.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that it is good thing for senior management positions to have much higher salaries [2]

I am afraid this essay will fail right from the very start. That is because you only wrote 186 words when the minimum scoring requirement is 250 words. Writing less than the desired number of words means a large percentage of word count deductions will be applied to the preliminary task accuracy score. This means that the essay will be given a failing score, which the remaining scoring sections will have to make up for if the exam taker is to receive a passing score. That does not happen in most instances as other scoring deductions are applied to the regular scoring considerations. The discussions are not fully developed and there is no concluding summary at the end. A lack of proper concluding summary locks in the essay for a failing final score since it is an open ended essay. A proper summary conclusion is part of the scoring requirement.

Essays / Art-based subjects as compulsory subjects - topic advice [2]

I am not sure what sort of advice you need with regards to this topic. There are no right or wrong answers in the Task 2 essay. You will receive a decent score provided that you follow the response format expectations and clearly support your point of view over the 2 reasoning paragraphs. Just remember that an extent essay requires you to focus on defending a single opinion, based upon your writer's opinion presentation.

Test your mettle in responding to this emotional response essay by using the more difficult discussion method. Oppose the opinion presented rather than supporting it. Most exam takers will support the given opinion since that is the easier way to write the essay. By using a different extent discussion, you will impress the examiner with your logical way of thinking and ability to discuss a difficult opinion.

Scholarship / Development Impact Part 1- Cybersecurity / Commonwealth Scholarship [2]

For the global part of the essay, try to find a more specific cybersecurity threat that you feel will be a tremendous problem down the line. With all of the minor threats happening these days in the global financial sector, you should not have a problem finding a security threat that has the potential to strike internationally and bring down the banking system worldwide. An emerging threat on an international scale will be of great help to your discussion. For the national sector, pick a sector of interest or specific weakness and discuss that. Data privacy is important to the healthcare sector so you could look into discussing that for that section. You need to stop being generic in reference and be specific. That way you can show your knowledge when it comes to security coding as well.

Writing Feedback / Some think newspapers are the best method for reading the news [4]

I am afraid that your topic restatement / paraphrasing is not good enough. It is practically a cut and paste version of the original, with very little to no significant changes in the restructuring of the presentation to make it appear that you are presenting your understanding of the topic. This will cause an automatic failure of your preliminary Task Accuracy score since you are expected to restate the original topic in a new totally different wording from the original. When we include the lack of a proper thesis statement to support your writer's opinion, the pre-scoring considerations for your essay fall within the failing mark which will affect its ability to receive a base passing score.

The sudden presentation of the writer's personal opinion in the concluding summary section of the essay further indicates that the essay will receive a failing final score. That is because the concluding summary cannot contain the writer's opinion since it is meant to only provide a reverse paraphrase of the topic plus reasoning paragraphs. The writer's opinion must be presented either as a stand alone 3rd paragraph or, as a reference point within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. One personal opinion for each public representation.

Grammar, Usage / The usage of "this" and "it" in a given example [2]

In this case, the word "this" is used to refer to the single and uncountable nouns. In this case, the uncountable nouns refer to chocolate, sugar, and butter in its original form. The use of "it" in the sentence cannot be considered a dummy subject because it refers to a specific subject in the sentence.

Also, a dummy subject is always presented in the form of a phrase such as " It is" and "It was". The phrase is oftentimes used to add words to a presentation, without actually adding context to the presentation. Therefore, it is a "dummy subject". "It" and "This" are often used to refer to previously mentioned references.

Consider "it" as the reference subject in a sentence. It is a direct or indirect object of a verb, normally the object of a preposition to an inanimate object.

Scholarship / Ensuring healthy lives of people - Chevening essay on career plan [2]

The main consideration for this essay should be how you will assist the DFID in their healthcare programs related to HIV/AIDS in Tanzania. Look into what offerings they have, their accomplishments, and where the program might be falling short in terms of support or implementation. Compare it to the skills that you will develop as a Chevening scholar and then write an essay that will exemplify how you plan to aid the DFID and in the process, build your career at the same time. There should be a direct relationship between your career plans over the next 5 years and the DFID programs in your country. It will be best if you can include possible Chevening alumna in these plans with a specific purpose in mind.

Graduate / Building strong network and relationships - Chevening [3]

The presentation is weak. It does not prove that you were able to create a profession usable network. By a profession usable network, your experiences should have had workplace applications wherein you were able to call upon these contacts to help you solve or ease a work situation. The primary contact should have created secondary and tertiary network channels for you on a professional basis. College networks should have translated to workplace contacts. Seminars and conferences should have created professional resolution or career growth channels. This is not an impressive networking essay. It is forgettable and does not increase your chances of making it to the next round of considerations.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Advantage/Disadvantage on longer life expectancy [2]

There is always a specific format that should be followed for optimum scoring potential with every task discussion requirement. In this case, a comparison discussion that supports the writer's opinion at all times would be the best opinion presentation. A written debate would help you increase the C+C and TA score of this essay overall. To accomplish that, you must discredit the perceived advantage for what it is in your opinion, a disadvantage. The first sentence should introduce the advantage, the second explains why the public see it that way. Then, by the 3rd sentence, you should present why you see it as a negative, following it up with an explanation and an example that proves your point. Stick to the defense of your opinion in the 2 reasoning paragraphs. That way you do not stray from your given point of view in the first paragraph. When you deviate from your discussion, the chances of your essay not receiving a passing score increases.

Scholarship / Health and Public service - why you have selected your chosen three university courses [2]

The essay is direct to the point and presents the barest reasons for your choice of university. It is boring and lacking in information. The reviewer will not be interested in pursuing you as a student under the scholarship under any of these universities because you are not presenting any reasons for him to consider your interests in learning at these universities at this point.

A proper selection of universities should reflect your academic goals and professional skills that require improvement. These should clearly connect with the university course and location for further training (if possible). Enhance the essay by presenting your academic and personal considerations that led to the university choices. Make sure to indicate any impactful classes, professors, or training that you might receive per university. Be original in terms of discussing each university. There is no one size fits all discussion for this.

Scholarship / Qualities of survival - Chevening leaders or influencers in their home country [2]

Influence is a part of leadership qualities, but is not applicable to this prompt. Rather, influence is something that should be used to discuss your networking abilities as an applicant. That is what became clear to me while reading this essay. You are referencing networking rather than leadership abilities and functions in the presentation. This is not an English language test either so saying that you "strongly agree" means nothing to the reviewer. In fact, your definition of leadership does not matter to him in as much as your exemplary leadership skills, as narrated in this essay, would have been. While I understand that you are probably a fresh graduate who does not have workplace leadership skills yet, you must find a way to represent professional leadership skills on your end. The competitors are highly trained professionals with international leadership training at this point. You cannot compete with them if you will be referencing only academic and community based leadership skills. You can strengthen your community leadership skills presentation if you do not have professional skills to reference yet.

Writing Feedback / people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, others not [3]

It is important that you follow the proper page formatting for your discussion presentation. That is because you are scored on your ability to follow writing instructions, which includes page formatting, as a part of the Task Accuracy preliminary score. Small errors such as formatting have a large effect on your final score.


This is the writer's personal opinion. It is not present as a reference point in the original presentation. Therefore, it should not be a part of the prompt restatement section of the first paragraph. The opinion may instead be used to introduce the writer's opinion instead.

The reasoning paragraphs have a problem because does not follow the comparison format for the information consideration of the reader. The first half of the paragraph should explain the public reasons for the statement given. The last part of the paragraph should reflect the writer's opinion of the public point of view. This compare and contrast / supporting discussion should then be backed up by group pronouns for the public statement and first person pronouns for the writer's insight to separately represent the information sources while also increasing the GRA score for the essay as the sentence will show a proper development of its presentation structure.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 The three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school [2]

For the summary overview, the number of images must be indicated since you are going to be representing 3 calendar year references to it. Additionally, your vocabulary could have been improved in that section if you had used the word "decades" to indicate the leap years of the indicative reference points. Please note a 10 year gap between each year represented by the images.


This is not really a required representation in the trending statement. Points are awarded for the correct high and low comparison information rather than a high value that does not have a low comparison point.


This is the paragraph where the information about teachers salaries would have served a better purpose as an anchor topic / sentence.

Writing Feedback / Proportions of workers in three different fields in South Korea - TASK 1 [3]

Make sure that you follow the English writing rules. The first word of every sentence, specifically, the first word of every paragraph, must be written with the first letter capitalized.

As this is an analytical essay, the writer is not allowed to use pronoun references in the presentation. That is because of the need to remain unbiased in the writing. It is important to remain neutral in the presentation. Additionally, the reader will not have access to the image so you cannot ask them to look at any reference.

The summary overview is missing information in relation to the provided image. A run down of the listed reference points must be provided as a part of the complete summarized information.

You may contact me privately for a paid review of your work, inclusive of a possible score by using the contact email listed below. Thank you.

Scholarship / TripWithCommunity / Tourism - Chevening leadership and influence [3]

Upon reading the essay in full, I would have to say that the information contained in it covers more of the networking requirements of Chevening than the leadership requirements. Your work is actually not formed upon leadership since you did not discuss how you fully led the campaign, creating teams, resolving issues, and basically leading the program overall. The college reference does not work since this is a masters course and the basis of competition with the other applicants will be mostly based on the professional experiences and the unique leadership abilities that the applicants can bring to the program. This essay does not reflect any uniqueness in your leadership style since it is mostly desk based and social media focused. You have to show both practical and theoretical leadership in this case.

Graduate / Personal Statement for Master of Science in Anesthesia [3]


Do not make analogies in a personal statement such as the one above. It shows a lack of familiarity with how films are made and how the operating room works. It totally weakened your essay by giving your desired position or course over importance. That will not sit well with the reviewers.

The statement about being born to immigrant parents will not make any impression on the reviewer either. It is irrelevant since you are not an undergraduate applicant but rather, a masters course applicant whose previous professional experiences should speak strongly for yourself as both a person and a student.

Editing the essay for continuity could have helped make a better presentation. All of these comments cannot help you anymore. You already submitted your application.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Work for the same organisation all their working life VS different organisation [2]


Do not sensationalize the discussion. There is no supporting evidence for that point of view in the original prompt so you cannot represent such in your restatement. You will lose points in the TA score for an inaccurate prompt representation.


You cannot suddenly represent your opinion in the concluding paragraph. That is because you are to discuss your opinion within the 2 reasoning paragraphs, by saying if you agree or disagree with the public opinion and why or, you use a 3rd stand alone paragraph to explain your unique point of view regarding the topic. By inserting your personal opinion in the conclusion, you do not follow the writing standards for the task 2 opinion essay and will receive a failing score.

Scholarship / Civil consultant - personal statement GKS-U [2]

The information about your name, what it means, how to pronounce it, who named you, their rank in the family, these are all superfluous information that will only extend the personal statement in a negative manner. It removes the focus from the guide questions that were provided for your writing. Additionally, keep the discussion about your family in a specific, contained paragraph. Do not suddenly go back to that discussion in the middle of the essay. You may use the information to show how your interest in this field developed, but keep it short. Additionally, do not use researched information when discussing the choice of university. Since your application is university tracked, the reviewer will expect to hear from you than just well known information found online. There needs to be a merging of your academic goals with what they offer. How the work of the notable professors inspired you further. Information like that which are meant to show that you gave serious thought and consideration beyond the common information, when choosing the university for your studies under the GKS-U program.

Letters / Is This a Good Motivation Letter ? to Master Program Transport and Geinformation Technology at KTH [2]

Do not approach this as a personal statement. It is also not a professional biography. Both are present in this essay, which nullifies it as a motivational letter. You are not entirely focused on proving the need for your expertise in this field in relation to your chosen masters course. Your other experiences appear irrelevant since you are not connecting it to the traffic situation that triggered your interest in this field. So the motivation aspect is lost. You are not to discuss your experiences here if they cannot act as additional motivational triggers or targets for your advanced studies. I would write a more attuned motivational letter rather than trying to fix the presentation and information contained in this version.

Writing Feedback / Technology has made our lives too complicated, the solution is to live a simple life without it [2]

Uh, the essay is lacking 40 words to meet the minimum TOEFL word count. There is a writing minimum of 250 words, maximum of 300 word for any given English language test. Failure to meet that requirement always ends up as a negative factor in your final score. You are given enough time and word allowance to fully explain your opinion, take full advantage of it to show that you are capable of thinking and writing logically, and within reason, in English.

The writing in this essay is meant for the IELTS test, not TOEFL. there is no need for a writer's opinion in the TOEFL test because you are to start discussing your reasons from the very first paragraph. There is no reason to recap the prompt and pov in this test. So giving an opinion like you did will be taken into consideration, but will not be a major scoring factor.

You have problems with sentence structuring throughout the essay. You tend to rely on run on sentences and commas instead of varying your punctuation marks and using clear thoughts to present your ideas. Work more on familiarizing yourself with the types of English sentences and how to write them. The same goes for punctuation marks and how to use these in the sentence presentations.