Undergraduate /
Common App Essay: "Why I Shouldn't Go To College" [10]
Is college is indicative of success in life?^ is this a typo? it doesn't really make sense.
College is like a serpentine voyage. A journey filled with physical stress and mental anguish; however, it is also a journey where autonomy is established, passion discovered and the value of friendship understood.^ these 2 sentences should be combined or something. the second one isn't a complete sentence.
I suggest this:
College is like a serpentine voyage
,a journey filled with physical stress and mental anguish
.H owever, it is also a journey where autonomy is established, passion
is discovered and the value of friendship
is understood. <-- on the last part, i see what you're trying to do, but in order for the parallelism to work, i think the other 2 verbs (discovered and understood) need to have an 'is' in front of them just like the verb 'established' has.
...managing a hectic schedule is overwhelming at first, but, these are ... <-- delete the comma after 'but'
...and aid in the realization of one's life's goal <-- i think it would sound better if you delete 'life's' and make 'goal' plural. just a suggestion, though. if you don't agree, it's still ok.
After all, isn't it the ideal place where one finds theirhis or her future spouse?Although it may not seem like it, the prodigious amount of work given in college is a tool meant to prepare students, not one meant to kill them. <-- "'meant" doesnt real;y sound good there. maybe use "designed" or something else. just a suggestion.
the only way them around is through. <-- huh??
Overall, i really enjoyed this essay. However, I think you should write more about yourself. This essay is your chance to show the colleges who you are.
As far as the length, i don't think it's too too long. I don't think there's much you can cut out.
great job!
if you can, check out my UChicago supplement. greatly appreciated! =)