Graduate /
"give an objective description of yourself including your strengths & weaknesses" [5]
Hi Zeinab1383,
your Essay is really Wow I like the information on it; However, the structure is wrong. I mean in the introduction you need to mention in your thesis statement your weakness and strengthen points . Like my strengthen points are.... ,and my weakness points are ....
you don't have to separate the paragraphs as you have done but put them together. for instance, your 2 Strengthen points could have two paragraphs and your 2 weakness points could two paragraph ( if you have two). then the last paragraph is going to be a summary of your thesis statement and your last comments.
you have some grammar mistakes such as:
what I really
I am
(In this sentence I guess you have to use Present perfect) I have
had/ gotten more than 5 years of full time and part time work experience at different industries
While
I was studying at *** with students from different countries,
maybe is better (blend) =
mingleIt is more than one year I
have been working as Insurance Expert and I have to support ( if you meant that you still working until now)
It is more than one year I
was working as Insurance Expert and I have to support ( if you meant in the past)
not the person =
on the personThis Sentence should be at the end in the conclusion as your last comments:
Like any normal person, I have far and wide weaknesses but the point is that I try to use my strength to overcome my weaknesses.I get a bad attitude when my colleagues do not do their best
, or when they do not care about improving procedures to work more effectively because it always has done like that.
I usually try to be patient about bad behavior
s or mistakes
Finally
, I know to have a successful in both personal and career life,...
improve my weaknesses=
to improve my weaknesses.