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Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and playing


renga78 6 / 18  
May 29, 2010   #1
Many people think that it would be best for the children to go to school at the young age while some people say it is ridiculous to send them to school until 7. Even though there is a point in their claim, there are several advantages for children when they start attending school as early as possible.

Science says that the critical portion of brain development of a child happens between 5 and 7. During this period, they...
Nesreen 15 / 41  
May 30, 2010   #2
Hi renga78

actually I am new here but I can tell you some comments about your essay.

First, in the Thesis statement you have to specify you points there and tell the readers what are those advantages. you have to mention them in the thesis statement to let the readers know what is going on next.

Finally, your conclusion paragraph should be a paragraph not your recommendation. you have to rewrite your thesis statement by using another words then write your comments or recommendation.

Good luck and keep up your writing skill.

Nesreen
OP renga78 6 / 18  
May 30, 2010   #3
Your comments were absolutely fantastic. Along with your correction you mentioned the reason to emphasis why schools are important and how children can not learn those skills outside that of a school.

Thank you very much. I will reflect what I have learnt from your comments in my future essays.

Regards,
Renga


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