Undergraduate /
Statement of Purpose - Middle Eastern Studies - University of Texas [8]
Hi Mohammad Asfar,
You write well. There are a few errors in English that you should correct before you submit your statement of purpose.
Two of my uncles had ushered my siblings and I out of the airport
Corrected: Two of my uncles had ushered my siblings and me out of the airport.
Reason: I functions as the object of the verb ushered and should be in the objective case, me.
To see that this is correct, try saying the sentence as two parts:
Two of my uncles had ushered my siblings out of the airport.
Two of my uncles had ushered me out of the airport.
I would not fit the second sentence.
Growing up I knew I was Iranian, my dad was born in Iran and my mom is half American and half Iranian, but my heritage was an abstract notion that never factored into my identity as a child.
The first part of this (Growing up I knew I was Iranian) is a complete sentence and should be followed by a period. Growing up, I knew that I was Iranian. My father...
After my first trip in 1991 I became aware of what it was to be Iranian and became proud of my cultural history.
You need to insert a comma between 1991 and I. After my first trip in 1991, I became aware of what it was to be Iranian and became proud of my cultural history.
Whenever a sentence has a long introductory element before it reaches the subject, the introductory element should be followed by a comma.
I had never stepped foot in so ancient a land nor had I experienced history in such a concrete and tangible way. The English expression is I had never
set foot.
Before beginning college in 2000 I had only traveled to Iran twice and being Iranian had only interested me as it related to my identity as a person. Put a comma between 2000 and I.
While I had originally planned on pursuing an MFA, my attention had shifted from art to Iran and the Middle East as whole.
Change the second had to has to show the proper relationship between the tenses in the parts of the sentence. The last part of the sentence should read and the Middle East as
a whole.
During the last five years I have spent a lot of my spare time reading books on Middle Eastern history and it's complicated relations with the world. Add a comma between years and I. Change it's to its.
As an avid photographer I appreciate the capacity that new media has to distribute images and ideas to encourage greater communication between peoples. Add a comma between photographer and I.
By following through with a more formal education on the Middle East I hope to gain a better understanding of how I can use my photography to bridge the gaps that divide our people. Add a comma between East and I. Consider changing people to peoples so that it echoes the sentence that precedes it.
This more formal knowledge will enable me to better navigate through the region and ensure that the messages I hope to exchange are accurate and positive. Remove the word through. Navigate the region already includes the meaning of through.
Good luck,
Tampa English Tutor