Writing Feedback / Argumentative Essay on Nuclear Power - danger of switching to nuclear energy [4]

Greetings!

It's nice to hear from you, too! You have done a good job of researching your topic and providing a convincing argument. You will have to ask your instructor if it is all right to use the first person "I" in your essay. Argumentative essays often allow use of the first person, but some instructors prefer third person.

Yes, you do have some grammar mistakes, although your English is really quite good. Let's look at a few things:

"By this happened, new nuclear energy is existed."
I think what you mean here is "Because of this, nuclear energy is being used more often."

"However, we should not switch to nuclear energy to expose ourselves to great danger and I totally agree with this statement."
You should end this sentence after "danger."

"It will results that public health affected negatively."
This will result in a negative effect on public health.

"In fact, there is also leakage of radiaoactive waste as it is dumped in rural settings."
Check the spelling of "radioactive."

"So ,if we are switching to nuclear energy, great danger is certainly exposing to us."
A switch to nuclear energy can expose the public to great danger.

If your university has a Writing Center, I think you might find that to be a valuable resource. Writing Centers exist for the sole purpose of helping students learn the basics of composition. And of course, EssayForum is always here!

Thanks!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Essays / Term Paper - The Symbolisms in Nathaniel Hawthorne's Thesis Statement-Help [4]

Greetings!

That is a stronger opening paragraph, but you might want to clarify your thesis even further. In addition to saying that Hawthorne's symbolism helps the reader interpret his or her own life, you should probably give an idea of how this is done. If this is truly your thesis--that is, if the paper is going to be about what Hawthorne's symbolism means to modern readers--then you might want to say how this will be accomplished. For instance, Hawthorne might be trying to get the reader to examine his prejudices or faults, or imply that people tend to be judgmental. The reader needs a more specific clue as to how you will support your thesis.

Hope this helps--thanks!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Essays / How to write essay to describe myself? [22]

Greetings!

It can be very hard to talk about yourself! You might pretend that you are writing about a friend--try to look at yourself as though you were someone else. What are your strengths? What are your accomplishments? What kinds of things do you like to do? If this is for an admissions essay, emphasize your best points. If it is a class assignment, follow the instructor's directions for the type of content. You could also ask people you know what they would say if they were asked to describe you. (Pick people who know you well and like you!)

Thanks, and good luck!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Essays / Term Paper - The Symbolisms in Nathaniel Hawthorne's Thesis Statement-Help [4]

Greetings!

This starts out sounding more like a paper about the author himself than about the three works. It is also a little vague just to say he has integrated symbolism; in what way has he done so? I think you need to move in a little closer with your opening; don't just tell what he did, give an indication of how he did it.

I can't tell you if this is better for a beginning, because you did not post the old version. :O-)

You say that symbolism plays a "vital role"; what role? While it is true that you don't want to give too much detail in the opening paragraph, you nonetheless want to be specific enough not to bore your reader with generalities. You are obviously a good writer; I think you just need to dig a little deeper with this one.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Poem, "To his Coy Mistress by Andrew Marvell"; literary analysis [3]

Greetings!

I think your thesis statement needs to be a bit more concrete. What the poem is really saying is that life is short. The man is telling the woman to stop wasting time being coy and accept his amorous advances before they grow old. It is a somewhat teasing way of saying "Stop fooling around and let's get on with this relationship!" That's essentially the "plot" in a nutshell. The theme could be the brevity of life and/or the fleetness of youth. The man is impatient, but not to the point of being exasperated. There is a certain ironic tone to the poem, as the man tries to nudge the woman into acquiescing.

I hope this helps!

Thank,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / A silent scream, imaginative emotions - Narrative essay [16]

Greetings!

If I understand you correctly, you are to write a narrative essay and the only other instruction is that the subject must be "a silent scream." Whenever I hear the phrase "silent scream" I think of the painting "The Scream" by Edvard Munch. If you google it, you'll find the image; I think it would be very easy to tell a story around this picture. That's essentially what a narrative essay is: telling a story. You could make up a story line for how the person in the picture happened to be standing on that bridge, hands over ears, screaming in apparent terror--it could easily be a silent scream. I read an interesting comment that perhaps the person is not actually screaming but is covering his ears because the landscape around him is screaming. In that case, his scream would be even more likely to be a silent one.

I hope this helps give you some ideas!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / 'The eggs' - My Narrative Essay [4]

Greetings!

I like your ending! It gives good insight into her character. For better comprehension, you might want to change the penultimate (next-to-last) sentence just slightly. I'd do it like this:

It also made her happy to find homes for the eggs, she realized, staring into the fire, until the sound of twigs crunching underfoot snapped her out of her reverie.

Even if you decide not to change it, do put a comma after "eggs."

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / How Industrial Design is important to society [3]

Greetings!

We try to answer posts within 24 hours, but can't always do so immediately. I hope this reaches you in time; I've made some corrections to your very good essay:

Though a majority of people unfamiliar with Industrial Design may misconceive it merely as a profession for drawing pretty pictures, putting candy wrappers over the products, our real job is to create solutions to everyday problems. Without the existence of Industrial Design Curriculum, the products that we are able to buy today would be more expensive and people would be living in a much worse environment.

I think the study of Industrial Design is intended to provide its service to the people of the general class. [Not sure what this means; maybe "to people of all walks of life" or even "the middle class" would be better?]

One of the most important aspects of industrial design is to provide good merchandise and reasonable prices in contrast to those of the past when the products mostly served the normal class. [There is no "normal" class. Not sure what this meant.]

There are numbers of homeless and starving, lack of services for the disabled, decreasing frequency of communication and socializing within communities, and limited access to health care.

However, one of the goals of Industrial Design is to not only offer the knowledge and awareness of design luxury goods, but also provide quality the goods for the weaker groups, such as the elderly, youths, homeless and physically disabled people.

Thus, Industrial Design helps in balancing out the social classes among our society and eliminating as much of the social problems.
One of the most devastating problems we are facing today is global warming. The cause of global warming can be described by our mistakes but most importantly our failure to realize this crucial responsibility, especially as the developing world places an increasing burden on the earth's resources.

However, as Designers, we can set an example by correcting our mistakes and hoping that others follow.
Thoughtful product designs can slow environmental degradation, decrease human illness and improve social conditions.
Industrial design lets us realize what we have done wrong and see it in the environmental degradation that surrounds us.
Therefore I believe our profession plays a crucial role in shaping the world into a better place to live.

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Evaluation Paper - how to optimize the development of children [12]

Greetings!

I think you have done a good job with answering the questions. The one thing I wondered about was this sentence: "However, the article does lack other useful information mentioned in scholarly articles." It seemed to stand out as not belonging with all the other sentences in the paragraph. If you are going to mention the fact that the article lacked useful information, you need to say what it is. If there is not room to do it here, or if that is not the purpose of this paragraph, leave out this sentence.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Marketing Assignment of The Heinz U.S.A Company [24]

Greetings!

It sounds like you are to just answer questions, rather than write a structured essay, unless you were given additional instructions. So, I would just start by saying something like "The Heinz company took the needs and wants of children and parents into careful consideration when creating its products" (assuming that's true). For #2, "The coloured tomato was a success in the U.S. for a number of reasons." Then, just discuss those reasons. Next, "A similar program would [or would not] be a success in [country] for the following reasons:..."

I hope this answers your question!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / negative correlation between TOEIC and proficiency. [2]

Greetings!

You've written a very good, concise essay! Here are some editing tips:

Judging one's language proficiency is by no means easy since there is no proper
measurement which demonstrates one's skill 100% accurately.

However, I strongly disagree with this idea due to several reasons.

how effectively one is able to use business English in a business setting.

However, TOEIC only tests two of them--reading and listening.

A great many companies in Korea once required all job applicants to attach their TOEIC score to the resume to select workers with better English.

However, TOEIC cannot merely test one's language proficiency because it was initially created for testing one's business English ability.

Therefore, other measurements including testing 4 skills should be used as a means for demonstrating one's English ability.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / 'The eggs' - My Narrative Essay [4]

Greetings!

I love your descriptive detail! This is a really great story, and I like the topic, too! Here are some editing suggestions for you:

She knew she had to cross this stream, but must be, as always, gentle with the contents of her bag.

The eggs were heavy and usually varied in size and color, but just by looking she could tell what was inside each of the three she carried. (Avoid lapsing into the second person "you.")

Her father, however, was too old to travel by foot the way she could, and so she had taken over.

which were markedly different from the bare trees she left behind her with icicles drifting off. - Snow drifts, but icicles really don't; better would be "with icicles hanging like daggers from every twig."

She came to a lush clearing surrounded by trees around sunset, and she set the bag down gently. - You've just used "lush"; I'd rewrite it like this, to avoid repetition and make it less awkward: Around sunset, she came to a tranquil clearing, surrounded by tall oaks. (Sometimes it can give your writing more flavor to use a specific reference like "oaks" rather than a general one like "trees.")

she spent so much time traveling that she would never be able to properly care for any creature her father came across.

You're only a sentence or two shy of two pages. I might end with something like "She sat gazing into the fire, watching the dance of the flames as the night drew its dark cloak around her. Now and then, she reached out a hand to softly touch the eggs, one by one. They were warm to her touch, and she smiled."

Of course, there are a million ways you could end it, but your writing is so good, I couldn't resist trying my hand at it! :-)

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Comparison Essay- Italian food and restaurants [4]

Greetings!

I suppose the lack of introduction is because you do not make it clear from the first that it is a comparison essay. You just begin talking about Olive Garden. Try adding something like this: "Not all Italian restaurants serve the same Italian style food or provide the same atmosphere for their customers. Two restaurants which have very different approaches to Italian food are Olive Garden and D'Giovonni's. While both have their good points, when it comes to a comparison of the two, there really is no comparison: D'Giovonni's wins, hands down."

Then, you can start your next paragraph talking about Olive Garden. You might want to start it off with a sentence that makes a good lead-in from the introduction: "The first demerit on the Olive Garden score card is the service. While it can be steady and quick, it can also be downright slow."

I think your teacher's first comment refers to a lack of transition from talking about Olive Garden to talking about D'Giovonni's. That's why I added "Unlike Olive Garden..."

Your conclusion will be a paragraph very similar to your opening one. It sums up the major points and again states the main point the reader should come away with, namely, that the better restaurant of the two for great Italian cuisine is D'Giovonni's. (Are you sure about the spelling? I would have thought it would be "D'Giovanni's.")

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Odipus the king blindness motif [5]

Greetings!

I think you've done a very good job of following the instructions and writing your essay! In fact, I only see one small thing that needs correcting; you need an apostrophe in this sentence:

The final scenes deal with Oedipus' discovery that the prophecy is true and he has been blind to the truth.

When writing ancient names, the usual practice is to just put an apostrophe after the "s" rather than adding apostrophe "s", so it's Oedipus' and not Oedipus's.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on math topic: elasticity of demand [2]

Greetings!

If you have never written a math paper before, it may sound a little scary at first, but really, it shouldn't be very different from writing a paper on any other subject. Approach it as you would an English paper. First, make sure you understand what the topic is. Elasticity of demand means that when there is a change in the price of a product, the change in demand for that product is large. As you may know, there is a formula for computing this change, which is (Q1 - Q2) / (Q1 + Q2) divided by (P1 - P2) / (P1 + P2). I think that the way you will get seven pages out of this topic is to discuss the impact elasticity of demand has on the market. If you use the search term "elasticity of demand" you will find some articles on the subject that might help you get going.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Marketing Assignment of The Heinz U.S.A Company [24]

Greetings!

While I haven't researched it, I can make an educated guess as to the needs and wants question. Let's take parents first. Naturally, they want their children to grow up healthy and strong. Therefore, they will want foods that are nutritious and help build healthy minds and bodies for their kids. But it doesn't matter how nutritious the food is if the kids won't eat it. So, it also has to appeal to the children: good taste, attractive colors and shapes (depending on the food, of course), perhaps even colorful packaging or toys included in the package. Children want food that tastes good and is fun. That's about it. They don't start to worry about nutrition until at least the teenage years, usually.

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Odipus the king blindness motif [5]

Greetings!

I think your essay is off to a good start! You could make your thesis statement just a little more "explicit" like this: In Oedipus the King, Sophocles uses the blindness motif effectively by making Oedipus "blind" throughout the story by his refusal to see that the prophecy has come true, while Tiresias' physical blindness allows him to "see" the truth.

Your "famous quote" in your opening is not so famous that your reader will know who said it, so it really needs a citation, or at the very least, an attribution: As Samuel Butler said, "A blind man knows..." And you want to quote it correctly, too, so that it makes more sense. You might want to lead off with it:

Samuel Butler wrote "A blind man knows he cannot see, and is glad to be led, though it be by a dog; but he that is blind in his understanding, which is the worst blindness of all, believes he sees as the best, and scorns a guide." Blindness appears in all people, even if they possess the ability to "see." ... and so on. If you are using American English, put commas and periods inside the quotation marks.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / What is the meaning of rituals / authority in Business? [4]

Greetings!

It most likely is referring to the interaction between groups in a business setting such as management and unions. A "ritual" between these two groups would include wage bargaining. There are certain unwritten rules about how this type of bargaining takes place. For example, it is common for the union to ask for more than they know they will get, just as it is expected for management to offer less than they are ultimately willing to pay.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / ESSAY on entrepreneurship for acceptance into special program-feedback pls? [2]

Greetings!

Your English is excellent! I don't think I'd have known it's not your first language if you hadn't told me. :-) I found only a few small points worth mentioning:

Growing up with entrepreneurial parents, in a city where every block hosts a trove of new businesses big and small, - I found myself wondering, "Which city?" You might consider mentioning the name here, rather than later in your essay, as you do.

Recently, I used my creativity and love for the arts to complete a fashion project, launching a successful 15-piece bathing suit collection and interactive catalogue.

I am an encouraging leader, but at the same time a good team player, and I take up others' ideas with the same enthusiasm as my own.

Best of luck with the program!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Evaluation Paper - how to optimize the development of children [12]

Greetings!

I think you're doing very well with it! The only thing I would suggest, content-wise, is that you add a little more to the last part. The author made a couple of suggestions at the very end that you might want to include.

I have one typo/omission to point out:

Some of the activities and opportunities the author suggests parents participate in with their children include emotional support, clear rules, clear consequences, and unconditional love.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Medical students training in nutrition - help with a paper [4]

Greetings!

1) Why traditionally has nutrition education not been part of the medical school curriculum? - I think for this, you would have to look at what the focus of medical training was, until very recently. Perhaps you could find an article on the history of medical training or medical schools. I suspect that the reason has to do with the profession's focus on treating disease, rather than preventing it.

2) where is the call for more nutrition training coming from? - Check out websites for organizations such as the American Dietetic Association and the National Association of Nutrition Professionals.

3) How is nutrition being integrated? (medical school curriculum) - Probably the best way to find this is to look at the medical schools' curricula. You could talk about how many courses are offered and at what point in the medical training.

4) What do physicians in training as well as experienced say about this issue? - You might try the Journal of the American Medical Association and other professional journals to see if there are articles that contain interviews with doctors on this subject.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / A bit of help - Brave New World and Movie Brazil [2]

Greetings!

I can only give you some pointers about where to find information that might be helpful. Of course, much has been written about Brave New World over the past 70 years, so finding reviews, articles and critiques on it should not be difficult. While you might not be able to find the specific issue you have to answer, you should be able to glean some insight about the World State and control of the population. As for Brazil, when I have to know something about a movie, I usually start with imdb.com and go from there. While some of the reviews written by viewers are amateurish and not that helpful, there are links to external reviews, plot and character summaries, and many other things (which are especially helpful if you have not actually seen the movie).

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Comparison Essay- Italian food and restaurants [4]

Greetings!

It would be helpful if I knew why she thinks it is a D paper; that seems a bit harsh. It does have some punctuation mistakes and a few awkward phrasings, but overall, is a pretty good essay. I will show you some places that need help:

Olive Garden is a nice Italian restaurant that servesits purpose of satisfying your taste buds of wanting an Italian fix. - The part in bold is awkward; better would be something like "that serves its purpose: satisfying the craving for Italian, when no other kind of food will do."

The service is either steady and fast or downright slow.

If you are craving Italian it will provide the fix, but not leave you wanting to come back the next day for a repeat. The menu has brightly colored pictures of what the entrée will look like and that is reassuring for someone like me who does not like to take a risk with the unknown. The setting is either booths or tables that are very clean with crisply folded linen napkins and festive Italian music playing throughout the restaurant.

The employees seem to be there just for the paycheck; they don't seem excited by their job.
Olive Garden is to "real" Italian what McDonald's is to authentic American food. My family tends to call Olive Garden, "McItalian." (Wouldn't "McTalian" sound better?)

Unlike Olive Garden,D'Giovonni's is much more relaxing and the food is authentic.
The portions are double that of any other restaurant. There are always leftovers for lunch and dinner the following day. The restaurant is small and sits along the water's edge. Diners who have finished eating tend to stay around for awhile just to take in the breathtakingviews of the boats coming in and out of dock.

Every employee takes a special pride in working at D'Giovonni's and it clearly shows. [Saying "working" instead of "in their job" avoids the problem of the the singular "employee" and plural "their.]

The employees [apostrophes make words possessive, not plural] seem happy to be there to assist you and if you want to make an adjustment to an entrée that is on the menu they will do their best to accommodate you, even if this means bringing out the chef to talk to you personally. You would think that because the chef is from Italy the food would be more expensive.

Considering the chef's experience, the cost is a steal. You get a delightful meal and the amazing sunsets on the Chesapeake Bay, all for a reasonable price.

I hope this helps make your teacher happier! :-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Detroit news - Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. Term paper [4]

You're welcome! And feel free to ask questions! :-)

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / College Writing assignment: Remembering a person essay [2]

Greetings!

Well, after reading your essay, it's no mystery why you, a high school student, are taking a college writing class--you're very talented! This is as good or better than a lot of the "heart-warming" stories published in those "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series. It's so good, there's very little to critique; I did find just a couple of sentences that I thought were slightly awkward in construction and could use a little reworking. They are:

My cousins, slightly older and hardly more mature than me, would often descend with my siblings and me below the party to the basement, where we would prepare to create a rip roar of laughter in Ron upon going back to the living room by dressing

ourselves in outrageously out of place outfits. - I think this would do better as chopped into two sentences, and technically, it should be "more mature than I"; you could also say "than I am."

Perhaps the most special moment I've experienced involving Ron since the death was last spring during a varsity golf meet. - I assume you meant the death of your last grandparent, but it's a little hard to be sure; try adding a few words to make it clearer.

I loved the ending. The last sentence, though, seems to hang in the air just a bit. You might want to add one more; something like "Yeah, that's right."

Outstanding work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Essay on Strategy and Information Technology Management [7]

Greetings (and thank you)!

I think your position on Carr's views seems quite clear. The only thing I would suggest is that the last paragraph be a little longer. A paragraph generally should have at least three sentences. You should mention Carr and the article again in the closing paragraph, and again state your position with regard to the question.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / Need help with Postgrad Design admission essay. [8]

We don't write essays for students, but if you'd like to post your rough draft, we'd be happy to help with some editing.

EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / The importance of human's creativity can be easily considered in business field [2]

Greetings!

You've written a good essay! Here are some editing suggestions:

We are living in a modern world where everything changes dramatically at an amazing speed; if we don't accommodate quickly, we will fall behind. Industrialization and globalization give us both opportunities and challenges. One of the most important factors leading to success and outstanding performance is creativity.

The importance of humans' creativity can be easily considered in the business field as well as other areas, including communicating and even getting a good job.

Since the foundation of some international organizations such as EU and WTO, the global economy has been heated by acrimonious competitions, which urge competitors to find suitable strategies to overcome hardships. Creativity is a high priority among their concerns. All companies have to try hard to find out the way to get into target markets, and attract as many customers as possible. Creativity is the key factor for them to succeed.

Google Inc., the popular Internet search engine, is an example of creativity in the internet world. Google has succeeded by innovating its technology and business model. It has a creative idea to identify and solve the problem of assessing the quality of search results by using the number of links pointing to a page as an indicator of the number of people who find the page valuable. Therefore, Google's search results became far more accurate and reliable than those from other companies, and now Google's dominance in the field of Internet search is almost absolute. Creativity also brings about flexibility, which is very important in the trend of globalization.

Moreover, creativity is also a high priority of recruiters. Nowadays, the more active and creative you are, the more likely you get a good job with high pay. Creativity makes you become outstanding and give you more opportunities to make great progress.

Our lives abound with examples of the importance of remaining creative. It is the key to all fields, especially in business and competition. Among many other people in the world, you can be outstanding and prosperous if you have creative ideas and find a flexible way to apply them inpractice. Creativity is an important key to help you fulfill your dream of success.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay about my life and changes - can you help me? [5]

Greetings!

We try to answer all posts within 24 hours, but cannot guarantee to have them by a certain time. Here are some editing tips:

"My life has gone through several changes since I became an adult."

"Ordinary boring jobs, nothing unusual; only the same habits."

"And suddenly I became a sailer/explorer, instead of an average American."

"The journey was also well prepared. The idea was to travel, and arrive at one of the uninhabited Fiji islands. "

"Some wind gusts; later I arrived at the island." - Hard to tell about the punctuation here, out of context.

"The plan was to make a little wooden house on the outskirts of the jungle, so I could keep an eye on the boat, not to mention it was much safer to settle on the outskirts instead of the jungle."

"Not a single cloud appeared, only clear, blue skies."

"Suddenly, as I stood up after drinking some water, something appeared among the trees,"

"Several hours had passed since I walked into the jungle. The weather changed, the temperature was a bit lower and it become darker. I gathered some leaves from the huge palm-trees, and made a bed in my wooden house."

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Computer addiction - Need writing topic ideas for my cause and effect essay [8]

I don't think the collapse of glacial caves sounds lame at all, imrad! It sounds quite interesting to me! :-)

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / classification: TV commercials [2]

Greetings!

It's difficult for me to know what your teacher meant by "classification" of TV commercials. There are many ways they could be classified. Certainly, your categories are one way. One could also classify them into products vs. services; categories of products or services (e.g., breakfast cereals, auto insurance, network programs); humorous or non-humorous; those geared toward specific age markets (youth, seniors, etc.). To fill in the blank in your sentence, you could simply say "TV commercials can be classified into those produced by for-profit companies, non-profit organizations and government-sponsored ads."

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / Need help with Postgrad Design admission essay. [8]

Greetings!

No, in fact, I find your writing style quite personable and likable! Phrases such as "I briefly toyed with the idea" and "I currently feel at a crossroads in my life" and "I believe we express our better nature when the things we create mirror what inspires us and gives us joy" give your reader an insight into how your mind works and make you very "human." I found your essay very enjoyable reading, and it certainly made you sound like a talented, interesting person. I don't see how they can turn you down! :=)

I wish you the best success in your future endeavors!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Essay on Strategy and Information Technology Management [7]

Greetings!

Your writing is excellent! I have just a few minor editing suggestions, none of them to do with content:

The impact is particularly felt with the emergence of business webs that allow organisations to focus on their areas of core competence while partnering in the other areas.

Carr's views of IT as a commodity suggest that IT systems , services and suppliers can be quickly changed without a major loss of functionality and productivity, thereby implying that switching costs are minimal and frictionless (Grant,2003).

Additionally, rail systems are still capital intensive unlike IT systems, which are usually just capital intensive in the initial stages.

This is the underlying principle of the Kaizen and lean manufacturing techniques which Japanese automakers pioneered in the early 1990s.

Mata et al. (1995) point out [always put a period after "al."]

As Ciborra (2004) and Curley (2004) have pointed out, the problems relating to the use of IT strategically, may be in the deficits of imagination by CIOs and CEOs rather than in inherent limits in the technology itself.

IT will definitely matter not just when a company owns it, but when an organisation has forward thinking, innovative/creative personnel who constantly come up with new ways of taking their organisation to greater heights and know how to use IT to realise this objective.

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Research paper on death penalty - where to start? [12]

Greetings!

Probably the easiest way to begin would be to take a position, for or against it, and make that your thesis. For example: "Despite the fact that over 135 countries across the globe have outlawed the death penalty, and that there is little evidence to support its use, the United States remains as one of the few major industrialized nations that still executes prisoners." (You could also choose to take the opposite viewpoint, of course.) The supporting paragraphs which follow could start off with a history of the death penalty (going back as far as you think you need to, as 10-12 pages is a fairly long paper), ways that it has changed in implementation over time (gas chamber, lethal injection, etc.), other historical points of interest (for instance, that the U.S. Supreme Court suspended its application for a number of years after deciding that it was not being implemented fairly), and, of course, the arguments and evidence that support your position as to whether the death penalty is an effective form of punishment. Bring in, as well, the arguments on the other side, and show why they are flawed. Finish with a conclusion that summarizes the major points you have made and restate your conclusion that your position is the correct one.

I hope this helps draw a sort of road map for you that will be helpful!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Evaluation Paper - how to optimize the development of children [12]

Greetings!

I think it's coming along well! Your grammar is quite good. I found a place here that needed corrections:
Controlled scientific information is knowledge that has been explored through scientific experiments. The source of information one retrieves from these scientific experiments helps provide useful information that can apply to everyone which makes scientific information more credible than practical experience.

It looks to me as if you have answered the question which was asked. Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / Help with me graduate essay questions - early childhood education [8]

Greetings!

Try to come up with some more specific goals. When you are vague, it makes it sound as if you really don't know much about the field you want to specialize in. You might want to read some articles about issues in early childhood education--what is controversial in the field? what is cutting edge?--and include some information you have gained from your reading, to show that you are well-versed in this area.

Best of luck in your studies!

Graduate / Help with me graduate essay questions - early childhood education [8]

Greetings!

I think what they are really asking is how you visualize your career. How will you help the children you teach? What can you bring to the classroom that will be of benefit? Are you creative, resourceful, dedicated? Talk about what you would like to do with your degree once you have it. How do you plan to use it?

If you would like to try a rough draft and post it here, I'd be happy to help you with editing it.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Contrast and imaginery? - Literary Essay on Kate Chopin's "The Story Of An Hour" [3]

Greetings!

The reality of Mrs. Mallard's everyday life is not given to us as directly as the imagery describing that fateful spring day. But the implications are clear: despite a life of outward comfort (implied by trappings such as "a comfortable, roomy armchair") she is constrained, oppressed, confined in a stultifying life that allows her no freedom. Contrast that reality with the almost fanciful descriptions of the spring outside her window: "tops of trees that were all aquiver with the new spring life. The delicious breath of rain ...The notes of a distant song which someone was singing" and "countless sparrows ... twittering in the eaves." Outside her normal, everyday life is a virtual fairyland of beauty. With her husband's passing, she feels the possibility, for the first time, that she can join that world. "There were patches of blue sky showing here and there through the clouds that had met and piled one above the other in the west facing her window." She feels the clouds lifting from her own life, as well.

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / Need help with Postgrad Design admission essay. [8]

Greetings!

Your essay is excellent! You're a very good writer! I have just a few editing suggestions, mostly to do with punctuation:

I graduated with a BA in History, a subject I chose purely because I was good at it, thanks to a lifelong obsession

Standard practices, proportions, rules of thumb, etc., were all alien to me. - Put a comma before and after "etc." Be sure to check this throughout your essay.

the hands-on experience.

When conceptualising a piece I still find myself struggling to find the most optimal solutions to various problems, such as those of aesthetic integrity over structural stability, etc., and I feel that if I were to learn and experiment in an environment where I could draw upon resources like informed guidance, fully equipped workshop facilities and a variety of new perspectives from which to take inspiration, that I would benefit a lot more and quicker than if I were to attempt to do it my own as I have in the past. - "a lot more and quicker" sounds a little awkward to me. Maybe you could find a smoother way to say it.

Multifunctional options like fold-out or collapsible furniture, etc., seem to be an obvious solution

I believe we express our better nature when the things we create mirror what inspires us and gives us joy.

decorative crafts like décor fretwork, carving, mosaics and painting etc into the modern notion of furniture design. - I think you overuse "etc." Consider removing it here, and perhaps elsewhere.

Very good work! Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Detroit news - Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. Term paper [4]

Greetings!

To answer your last question first, it depends what system of citation you are using, as to the proper way to cite. If you are to use MLA, put the author's name and page number in parentheses (Smith 93) unless you have already given the author's name in the sentence. If there is no author, use a shortened version of the title (Commission Report B-17).

Nine pages is too much to go through every sentence and make corrections, but I'll try to give you some guidelines to help you out with your proofreading. Here are some editing suggestions:

Try to cut down on repetition and simplify and streamline sentences when you can, without losing the meaning. For example: Nicknamed the "Hip-Hop Mayor," he was elected at age 31 to be mayor of Detroit, becoming the youngest to hold that office in any major city in the United States.

In the beginning, many voters of Detroit may have thought that a young black mayor was just what Detroit needed--except that it turned sour; Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick has been an unjust mayor.

Be on the lookout for sentence fragments like this one: "Even introducing other industries rather than relying solely upon the automotive industry." - That's only half a sentence, so put a comma before it and make it part of the preceding sentence. You do this quite a bit throughout the essay. Remember that the function of punctuation is to help the reader understand what you are saying by keeping one thought all together, and separating it from the next thought. For example, here you divided up the first thought and put the second half of it in the next sentence: After graduation at the selective school, he attended Florida A&M University. Where he obtained a BS in Political Science, he also holds a Juris Doctorate from the Detroit College of Law. - The part in bold is one thought, and therefore one sentence; the rest is another sentence.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com