Writing Feedback / Assignment: Is it best to determine how wise people are by how happy they are? [3]

This is one of SAT assignments. I really hope to receive some contributive comments for my essay, especially a score for it. Please help me! I'm having a real SAT examination on this Saturday! Thanks in advance!

Happiness has always been the final and the most important purpose in a human life. Personally, I always completely believe that it is best to determine how wise people are by how happy they are. Nick Vujicic, a no-limb 30-year-old man, truly believes that happiness is the only thing he wishes for his son. Another epitomized example is Peter Pan, a boy who never grows up and always thinks of happy things, defeat a captain named James Hook.

The story of Nick Vujicic is widely famous and noted by millions people all over the world. He is a disabled person without limbs, which made him almost give up when he was 10. But eventually, he proved that people like him can do many things for this world. He is now a speaker and has already come to 24 nations to inspire positive thoughts of life. He has come to Vietnam recently and when Nick was asked that what he wants his son to be, Nick said "I want my son to be happy." That is not only his expectation for his son but also my parents' expectation for me and my brother. Nick said he doesn't care how successful people are, how much money they have, the only thing he cares is how they love. Love is a symbol of happiness.

Mention happiness, we can't forget Peter Pan, who is an intelligent boy comes from Neverland, never grows up and always thinks of happiness. His nemesis is captain James Hook, an evil pirate who always attempt to kill Peter. When James Hook received the miracle dust from Tinker Bell and found out that Peter Pan can fly because he always thinks of happiness, James started trying to put Peter down. Peter loves Wendy, a girl he met but James Hook said she doesn't love Peter, Peter was terribly upset. Hook treated and befuddled Peter, which was a wise strategy at that time. All of a sudden, Wendy reversed the situation by kissing Peter. Hook again embarked himself into the fight with Peter and when Hook almost fell into the ocean, he tried to think about happy things. However Wendy and Peter applied the same strategy to Hook, which made him lose the faith. Hook eventually died because he couldn't think of a single happy idea.

Two examples above showed that happiness is extremely important but to find it is not easy, to keep it is even harder because people sometimes put each other down to achieve their goals. Everything we do for ourselves, for our family and friends, we do it with the hope of happiness. Undoubtedly, happiness is rarely present in this pace of life, that's why I truly believe that only wise people can realize and know how to find and keep it.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL IBT; E-mail or Voice mail Versus Telephone or face to face [3]

Question: Some people like to communicate by e-mail and voice mail. Other people like to communicate by telephone or face-to-face. Which type of communication do you prefer?

Technology has been developing so quickly and becoming more perfect every day. Communication nowadays depends on technology pretty much. Voice mail, e-mail, telephone or just traditional way: face-to-face. However, I prefer e-mail due to 3 reasons: convenience, honest expression and fluency in communicating.

Everyone agrees that e-mail has been a great way of communication. You can talk to others from thousands mile. For instance, if you are in Vietnam and another person is in the US - half of the Earth, no matter how far it is, you can keep contact. We will never have to worry if our mails will be sent to the right address. If the address is wrong, then you will know right away. Moreover, e-mail doesn't take too much time: just a click.

In addition, writing e-mail helps people express honestly. Some people think that the face-to-face conversations make them feel stupid. Sometimes, their ideas are not expressed as exactly as they expect. For instance, I want to talk to my friend about a ticklish problem like her behavior, it's hard for me to face her and explain what she should do. Therefore, e-mail will be a good tool to help me speak out. She will just read my e-mail instead of listening to my voice which can make her annoyed. I don't have to worry about any other thing can make my opinion become unpersuasive.

Last but not least, every communication needs fluency so people can understand each other exactly and remember it for a long time. Voice email or face-to-face conversations sometimes make reserve people feel not very confident. For example, when I face my parents, I can't speak out every idea and express consecutively. They may stop me, speak something against it and that makes me forget what I want to say. Anyone can meet this problem once in any conversation. E-mail helps me arrange my idea perfectly and make it persuasive.

On the whole, to compare to all ways of communication, I really think that e-mail is the greatest way for major people to use. Its convenience saves our time. Additionally, honesty is necessary for every conversation and also fluency can't be missing for a persuasive expression.

p/s: Dumi, if you fix this essay for me, please tell me if it's better or worse than my precede essays ( in which part ). Thank you and Thank anyone who help me with this! :D

LOVE!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL; Studying history and literature is more important! [3]

There are many controversial opinions about what subjects are more important for students to study. A number of people believe mathematics and science have been essential for the development of humanity. Some people assume that literature and history have played important role in human life. Personally, I agree with the second statement due to 2 reasons: valuable lessons and greatest mind of world.

First of all, culture and experience have been contributed by history and literature. The evolution of human has been based on history, which records events in the past for us to gain experience and learn from mistakes. Hence, we have recognized so as not to allow history repeats itself. Furthermore, those ideas espoused by illustrious people such as Aristotle and Rousseau are effectively learned by human nowadays.

Second, without history or literature, we will never know about artificial intelligence produced in the world. For instance, Alexander the Great, who studied history and literature under Aristotle, became one of history's best leaders. What's more, the ideas and teachings of the great philosophers such as Plato and Confucius are still being espoused today.

Besides, we can't deny the importance of mathematics and science. Great inventions, phenomenal innovation or technological development are indisputable achievement.

However, I still hold my opinion that studying history and literature are more important for every student generations. Evidently, valuable lessons coming from history and literature have taught us a lot about life. Moreover, these two areas are responsible for producing the wonderful minds in history, whom we want to emulate.

Writing Feedback / Friendship issue: Money is not always harmful [5]

Borrowing money from a friend is an unavoidable situation. It is said that a friendship could be damaged or broken due to money. Personally, I agree with this statement. There are three reasons to support my opinion: superiority, resentment and failure to repay.

First of all, lending somebody money will easily leads to superiority of the lender. They will probably think they have just given someone a favor. For instance, I loan my friend some money because he/she is having financial problem. Consequently, I will be bossy and ask my friend to help me with my assignment. Every relationship is based on equality.

Secondly, people who borrow money might be unable to return. They have difficulties and sometimes they don't have the chance to explain. They need money for emergency of their families or they are unemployed. The inability to repay can get two best friends into an awkward situation and endanger their relationship.

Thus, the resentment is likely to occur. There are many circumstances that friends killed each other just because of money. Money have risked several relationships because of its power. The second reason could be the cause of anger. This is easily understandable because everyone has their own restricted tolerance.

Money is not always harmful for every friendship. Sometimes borrowing or lending money is a way to show our generosity. "A friend in need is a friend indeed". It can promote the relationships and we may take some advantages. However, I still think that money is not always safe for friendship. The superiority of the lender and the inability to give money back of the borrower will lead to resentment without difficulty.