Posts by Trisulastri

Trisulastri

Mar 23, 2016

Writing Feedback / Results of two different surveys - citizens were questioned on crucial communication skills in a job [3]

Overall, ~~it can obviously be seen~~it can be clearly seen that ~~the most communication skill required~~the most important skill in communication needed by workers ~~were~~was external communication skills.

Here is my suggestion for your overall:
Overall, it can be clearly seen that there was two major communication ability of workers in a job, external and internal communication. Interaction to other people was the most important of external communication skills, while listening cautiously to other coworkers was the vital skills to communicate effectively in internal of the company.

Trisulastri

Mar 23, 2016

Writing Feedback / The picture gives information about the process of retention and reuse of rainwater. [2]

The diagram shows how rainwater is reused

The picture gives information about the process of retention and reuse of rainwater. Overall, it can be seen that the process involves four major stages, beginning with storage, distribution of the water, and the cleaning process.

The procedure of recycling rainwater starts when the pouring rain accommodated in two different place, Dam and rainwater tank. Following this, rainwater needs to distribute from storages to the house by using pipes. But, before water for people's consumption transferred from the Dam, it must go through cleaning process in water treatment plant.

After the water is used by people for daily needs, it is become household wastewater which directly sends to wastewater treatment plant to be purified for making it available to use once more. Most of recycled water channeled back to the house, while the rest of its send to the river. In the river, it will be mixed with storm water which fell onto the ground.

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Trisulastri

Mar 23, 2016

Writing Feedback / The development of West Park secondary school since its contraction in 1950 [3]

The diagrams show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its contraction in 1950
The alterations of West Park Secondary School development in three different stages of its development are illustrated in the diagrams. Overall, the most noticeable change is the establishment of parking area which was getting larger significantly, while the main building of the school was still in similar positions over six decades.

In 1950, residential area was built next to the main road and close to the school, and the area right behind of these buildings was farmland and playground respectively. In 1980, this housing area had been demolished in order to make two new areas which became car park and science block. Furthermore, the entire area of farmland converted into a sports center.

In 2010, the main building of schools and science block remained unchanged, while parking areas was extended to cover all of sports field. As a result, the size of both playground and sports field had decreased since the sport center took over some playground areas.

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Trisulastri

Mar 22, 2016

Writing Feedback / Cigarette smoking brings dire effect not only to the smokers but also to all people around them [3]

Since public ~~places public~~ places are not deserve to be ...
... that lighting cigarette ~~produce~~emit harmful chemicals such as ...

... another crucial effect of smoking in public areas is ~~on health of others around the smokers.~~
related to the health of passive smokers.

... suffer from long-term exposure and second-hand smokers that non smokers and second-hand smokers who exposed to smoke in the long term have