Writing Feedback / Equality in governments and politics (IELTS WRITING TASK 2) [2]


There are only 2 reasons that you will be discussing, you m ust indicate these as a solid support statement for your writer's opinion. You will receive point deductions when you do not complete the TA requirements.


You are discussing a public opinion and therefore, the statement from this paragraph should be identified as such from the very beginning. You could say something like "The public belief that..."


This is acceptable as a public opinion reference.


Your opinion should be in a stand alone paragraph. You will receive an automatic failing score for placing your personal opinion in the concluding statement. That is because the concluding paragraph should only summarize the previous discussion points. I would advise you to place a personal opinion in each public statement instead so that you can maximize your C+C score per paragraph instead.

Writing Feedback / Climate Change's Role in Undermining Global Food Security [2]

The main problem with this essay is the lack of insight from the writer. All of the major paragraphs end with an in-text citation, which is the incorrect way of ending an academic paragraph. The paragraphs must end using an explanation or insight, even public knowledge, coming from the writer. This can be seen from the introduction to the topic, which uses a quote to end the paper instead of a proper thesis build up based upon the understanding of the writer. Too many shortcuts have been taken through the use of citations in this essay. The writer does not spend enough time developing the essay from the point of the citation, to the point of its applicability in totality for his research. It must be edited for content and references.

Writing Feedback / Activities - film club, martial arts, amateur dramatics, table tennis and musical performances [2]

Kindly remember to use a minimum of 2 sentences in the summary overview. You must summarize the information in a manner that includes a clear explanation of the references. Since the rule of thumb when writing an English sentence is that it must contain one idea only, you can easily write 3 or 5 sentences in this section to immediately boost your preliminary and actual TA score.

You have written 178 words, which is the perfect count for scoring considerations. Your presentation can be considered for the highest possible score in each section for consideration. Please remember though that a paragraph is always comprised of at least 3 sentences. You have a single sentence presentation in this analytical report which will drag your score down because it does not meet the paragraph accuracy considerations.

Scholarship / Finding Purpose - personal statement [2]

Unfortunately, your deeply personal essay does not follow the actual writing prompts for the GKS scholarship. You need to understand that the reviewers consider the scholarship candidates based on a specific set of information requirements, most of which your essay does not provide. It is important that you download the application packet immediately so that you can revise this essay to include the required information. I believe that you can keep most of this essay intact and just expand on the content so that you can meet the information guidelines. Your essay will need to remove irrelevant content as needed though so expect that it will be easier for you to write a totally new essay instead of trying to edit this version to make the additional information fit the current paragraphs. It will be difficult to find insertion points.

Writing Feedback / Changing rates of three different areas of crime in Newport city [2]

The presentation is well within the word count consideration for high scores in all categories. However, the lack of clarity in the discussion is what will pull down the scores for this report. The summary overview should have been between 3-5 sentences, but instead represented itself as a run on sentence. For clarity purposes, the single topic per sentence should have been followed in this section.

The formatting is also an issue. While the discussion is direct to the point, you have compressed the report into a single paragraph rather than spreading it out over separate paragraphs. Always use the enter key to create the spaces between paragraphs. Otherwise, you will lose points heavily when it comes to the TA considerations.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - problems-solutions about ecotourism's effects on local cultures, people, environment. [2]

You have over written this essay. You cannot write more than 300 words for the presentation because you are being scored on the quality of your writing rather than the length of your writing. While you do have a lot to say about this topic, you should have been able to do it within 5 sentences in each of the 2 body paragraphs alone. Your presentation relies heavily on the use of commas and run-on sentences, which will definitely lower your GRA and C+C scores. Avoid these errors in your next essay. Additionally, your concluding summary will result in a failing score because it does not adhere to the minimum 3 sentence and 40 word paragraph presentation. While the essay is well written in practice form, it may not achieve a high passing rate during an actual test.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2- opinion essay on physical and mental strength [2]

The prompt restatement is missing in this presentation. The first paragraph is expected to represent your understanding of the given topic, the 2 public opinions, then the establishment of your opinion as the writer and also, the short presentation of your 2 opinions that support your point of view. You began the discussion immediately in the first paragraph, which will result in an automatic failing grade for this essay. You did not follow the task accuracy requirements for the presentation and therefore, will receive a failing score for that preliminary indicator. The essay is also not long enough to gain proper scoring considerations for the rest of the score basis. You wrote only 258 words which meets the requirement for the minimum word count, but does not allow for proper scoring of your English writing skills.

Research Papers / Research Essay - Why Toys R Us Failed. [2]


Who is this person and why should I believe her information? Remember to properly cite the source. Include a quick background of the person you are referring to and the credentials that make the information they provide authoritative.


Again, refer the reader to the background of this person first since you are citing this person as an authority on the history of the company.


You cannot start a sentence with a connecting word. You need to rewrite that informative sentence.


This is an academic paper, you need to use the correct grammar for it. Use the 2 separate words. Do not use shortcuts, it removes the academic dignity of the paper you are writing.

The information you state is good. The discussion is sound. However, the paper is in need of proper editing for it become more academically presentable.

Undergraduate / interspecies - university of chicago extended essay [2]

The first part relating to your grandfather and how he influenced your love of history is irrelevant to the actual prompt. What you should have done, was create a proper introduction to the deep sea sponge and why you chose it as the inter species you would like to talk to. You related why you would like to speak to the sponge later on in the story, which really left me more confused than ever because the discussion you were having with the sponge does not clearly set out one particular question that would be important enough to have a banter about. You are trying to discuss too many topics with one object, then turning yourself into an alien, which further confused the story telling. Keep it simple. Keep your imagination in check. Don't overdo it as you are doing now.

Undergraduate / Out-of-the-red - University of Chicago extended essay [2]

The essay seems to be taking several directions and focusing on the wrong person and events. If you want to talk about Out of the Red, then it should directly relate to you and not in a Matrix sort of way. The reviewers do not really appreciate movie references, even if you change the basis of the red or blue pill. Since you have chosen the red pill discussion, then build the essay around your decision to choose that. Try to be more specific about one line of thought, instead of trying to go big by using the public reference and then the private discussion. That way you will be able to focus on clearly explaining your idea behind Out of the Red. This is about you, not about Jimmy and those like him. You need to use yourself to represent the majority.

Writing Feedback / Undocumented, Unprotected, Unjust: Destroying the American Dream [2]

The focus of this paper is all over the place. The actual topics for discussion do not come from a clear discussion outline for the chosen topic. This is more like a brainstorming gone wrong. Your ideas are good individually, but do not add up when you consider the thesis statement for your presentation. You have totally diverted from your thesis presentation overall. It is best to focus on the history of the immigration camp, why it is called "Alligator Alcatraz", what the situation is inside the camp. Examples of inhumane treatment, discussions about who sued the US government and why. Make sure that all of your topics align and support one another. The claim you made about how other countries deal more successfully with their illegal immigrant problem is unsubstantiated for the most part. Back to the drawing board for you. This time, properly outline your discussion ideas before you present this proposal for review.

Writing Feedback / Owing a home rather than renting one ,why might this be the case?Is this a positive or negative case [2]


You cannot refer to a particular opinion as being true in this essay. You end up misrepresenting the original topic and you will be considered to have deviated from the original prompt presentation. This will result in a reduced TA score.


You need to be more specific about the reasons that will support your opinion. This means that you have to write a simple representation of the reasons that you will be discussing. Remember that this is a single opinion essay so you have to state data that pertains to the discussion of only your point of view in the 2 body paragraphs.

You have wasted the body of paragraphs but not creating connected discussion presentations that use connecting topics and proper transition sentences going from one paragraph to the next. That is a necessary scoring consideration for the C+C score. It is important to use connecting topics in the discussion to show the cohesiveness of your opinion. It will also increase your TA and C+C scores in the post scoring scenario.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - views on school and parents about teaching children to become a good citizen [2]

The introduction / prompt restatement is missing one sentence. While you accurately restated the topic, and you gave your personal opinion, you forgot to briefly state the 2 reasons that are the basis of your personal opinion. So your task is accurate, but not accurate enough. You will receive preliminary scoring deductions for the incomplete format presentation.

The overall discussion lacks a connection between topics. That is because your discussion focuses on 2 different aspects rather than the expected discussion of both views for one public opinion. The format should be:

1. Public opinion.
2. Why this opinion is supported by the public.
3. Opposing personal opinion
4. Your personal point of view
5. Give an example (optional)

This is the format that should represent the 2 opinions that should have been provided in the summary introduction. Without this format, your discussion will be deemed lacking in coherence and cohesiveness, further adding to the deductions of your score.

Scoring of your essay is a private service. We score and advise per scoring consideration in private. You may use the contact details below for details.

Writing Feedback / Advantages versus disadvantages of choosing to build their own houses with their own styles. [2]

Your topic restatement is difficult to understand. You are trying to sound like a native English speaker, but, due to your word choices, it became more obvious to the reader that you are not even at the level of an intermediate English speaker. So that will serve to lower your scores across the scoring rubic. You need to focus on using simple English words that will get your ideas across to the reader on a clearer basis. Do not try to impress the examiner with your vocabulary because you will fail to do so and lower your overall score.

Your essay will also lose points for not providing a clear writer's opinion in the final part of the prompt restatement. You must indicate a single opinion that you support with 2 immediate and clear reasons for doing so. Then, you can expand on the discussion the succeeding paragraphs. This is not a compare and contrast essay so you cannot support a point at the end of the presentation.

The final paragraph does not fit the requirements for the reverse paraphrase. You cannot present your opinion at the end of the essay and close it there. You must summarize the previous presentation in the last paragraph. Since the closing summary is not included in this presentation, it will receive an automatic failing score because it failed to meet the task accuracy requirements.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences [2]

The paper is overwritten at 338 words. It will be impossible for you to write the same number of words within 40 minutes during the actual test. That is because you are expected to focus on the quality of your writing, proper vocabulary usage, and clarity of your ideas in the presentation. Simply writing a long essay will not guarantee you a passing score. It could lead to a failing grade instead since you decided to focus on length rather than quality of writing.

The presentation also needs to be properly formatted into separate paragraphs. The examiner will be looking for 4-5 properly spaced paragraphs in this presentation. The lack of proper formatting will lower you TA score as you will show that you do not understand the formatting guidelines for the test.

Since the essay does not have a proper concluding paragraph, also known as the reverse paraphrase, this essay will get an automatic failing score due to the lack of proper formatting / missing a proper closing statement.

Writing Feedback / Combating Human Trafficking - English Final Paper [2]

I can sense your familiarity with the topic. It is well researched and you portray an understanding of human trafficking in a manner that would say you have a keen interest in the subject. However, your confusion with the English language hinders the understanding of your presentation. Your lack of proper English word usage in most instances leaves the reader confused about what you are trying to say. Proper vocabular usage is of the utmost importance when writing an academic paper. That is what you have to improve in this presentation. You can do that in one of 2 ways.

1. Hire a professional editor to clean up your essay and clarify the problem portions in the discussion
2. Use a proofreading app to clean up the presentation, but will lack the human insight that a professional editor can provide.

Regardless of the option you choose, this well written paper will get a higher grade once it is properly edited.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Effect of sleeping less [2]

You have not written enough words to aim for a band 8 score. You should write closer to 300 words of proper rubic scoring consideration if you wish to achieve that score. You wrote only 252 words, which is considered the bare minimum word requirement for the essay. You wrote a pretty good paper. The information is sound and based on commonly known information. However, you wrote less than 3 sentences in the paraphrase and closing paragraphs. That is the reason why your writing limited your scoring consideration. You should have expanded in both paragraphs to result in 3-5 sentences. That would have helped to increase the scoring consideration for your paper on the part of the examiner. You do not have to write more than 300 words to achieve the necessary scoring considerations for band 8.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - MUSEUM AND ART [2]


It is nice to know that you side with them. However, you did not properly answer the question. To what extent? This is not a simple agree or disagree opinion essay. This is a measured response essay that asks for you to measure your support for a given point of view. The response should align with "I agree with this point to the extent that it involves..." Mention at what point you support the pov to the maximum extent then defend it.

Do not use the compare and contrast discussion format. Always support 1 point of view using 2 supporting reasons. That is what this single opinion extent essay is all about. Do not confuse the format with the regular agree or disagree,. single opinion essay.

Grammar, Usage / The table below shows the television viewing figures for sports by country, in millions. [2]

This reporting essay will not get a passing score. In fact, it will gain an automatic failing score because you did not write the minimum word count of 150 words. Once you do not meet the minimum word count, you automatically receive a failing score. The rest of the scoring rubic will no longer be considered regarding your presentation. It is best that you always write this in the proper format:

Paragraph 1: Summary overview + trending statement
Paragraph 2: First information review
Paragraph 3: 2nd information review
Paragraph 4: Optional. A closing paragraph is not necessary

Use the above mentioned format the next time you write the practice test so that you can achieve the desired passing outcome.

Letters / Financial specialization -Motivation letter for Stipendium Hungaricum about trying to achieve a goal [3]

I can tell that you wrote this personal statement coming from a personal angle. You put yourself out there for the reviewer to read what you have to say and why you deserve the scholarship. This would have worked perfectly as a college application essay, but it does not work at all for a Stipendum Hungaricum application. The scholarship program has a specific set of information that it requires from its applicants. These essay writing prompts can be downloaded as an application packet online. I suggest that you download the packet and write your scholarship essay based on the required information that comes in the form of writing guide questions. That would be the best way for you to deliver the correct information for your application.

Letters / Advice on Recommendation Letter for Fast Retailing Undergraduate Scholarship Program for Indonesian [3]

The letter of recommendation is obviously not written by the teacher of the student. The word usage is too simplistic, unprofessional, and personal in nature. A properly written recommendation letter from a teacher would highlight the writing skills of the teacher, his professionalism in describing the student based on his observations of the student's attitude, community membership, academic performance, among other recommendation considerations. The letter should also be within 4-5 paragraphs. It should reflect the relationship of the teacher to the student as his adviser, mentor, or teacher in charge. It should carry a deeper insight into the applicant as a student and reflects a character insight that goes beyond the classroom. This is a good draft, but in this form, it will be ignored by the review committee due to its insignificant information.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that if police force carries guns, this encourages higher level of violence [2]

Even though you wrote 283 words for this essay, it is not going to receive a passing score in an actual exam setting. The primary score will come from how well you understood the topic and the discussion instructions. Unfortunately, your first sentence in the prompt restatement is confusing so you already lose major points in the C+C and GRA rubic for that error. Then, you did not provide the correct response to the "extent" question for the writer's opinion. This means that your preliminary TA score will not be a passing one. That means the essay will have already failed even before all of the writing considerations have been reviewed. This is a single opinion extent essay. It is not a compare and contrast essay so you have not met the correct task response requirements for the opinion paper.

Writing Feedback / IELST writing task 2 - Essay about the importance of art classes [2]

While you write a clear compare and contrast essay for the given topic, there are problems with your presentation that will lead to an automatic failing score. The main problem is that you did not follow the discussion instructions of the essay. You did not offer a clear, measured response that shows the side that you actually support. You see, this is a single opinion essay whose discussion paragraphs should be based upon the opinion that you present. For example, you could have indicated that you "Disagree with the statement that student should learn arts to the extent that..." The keyword in the writer's opinion presentation is "to the extent" since that shows the measurement of your response or the end of your support for the given statement. Then the rest of the discussion paragraphs should provide 2 reasons that support your opinion. Unfortunately, you did not discuss the essay in the expected manner so this essay cannot receive a passing score, regardless of how well you discussed your opinion. You simply did not discuss it as expected, in the required format.

Research Papers / Research paper on major depressive disorder needing review [2]


When writing an academic paper, the writer is not allowed to cite a source in the opening statement. Use that statement to deliver a proper thesis statement by explaining your personal understanding of the topic and what the paper shall be reflecting upon in its discussion parts. Do not cite sources because the information from other people should be included in the justifying rather than establishing paragraphs. I am afraid that your professor may find this presentation unacceptable because the actual discussion began without the prior establishment of the thesis of this research paper. As such, it will be deemed to be confusing to the reader and lacking in introductory or establishing information. You need to revise the first paragraph to be a proper introduction and thesis paragraph instead.

Undergraduate / GKS-U Personal Statement for AI Major [2]


Develop this statement further. Include some of the activities that you led and participated in. What was that experience like for you? How would you relate it back to your interest in AI? All your discussion points should circle back to your interest in AI at the end.


Are you applying via the university track? If so, then you must write one essay in relation to each university you have chosen. If you are applying via regular track, do not mention the universities but do explain how your goals align in general with the general AI university offerings in South Korea.

The essay is well written for a draft and has the potential to get through the initial screening round with some extra discussion points and considerations added to the final version.

Writing Feedback / The Impact of Technology on Characters on the Digital Era [2]

The backfire aspect of the discussion is not as well developed as the helpful aspect of the presentation. That means, as the writer, you are left with 2 choices. Either you support the positive aspect or the negative aspect throughout the discussion. That way, you can discuss both the pro and cons of technology in a single paragraph, allowing you fully discuss the matter within several aspects or fields. Consider the following discussion example:

AI is a a field of computer technology that has opened much opportunities in all aspects of industry and technology. The way that it assists us in our daily lives, such as helping us determine (mention an example) was not something we imagined less than a decade ago. Now, we cannot imagine our lives without AI assistance. However, we fail to consider that AI has its drawbacks in terms of nature conservation. The amount of water that the AI data centers takes to cool off poisons the water system and kills our aquamarine resources, destroying natural marine habitats....

That is how you can best discuss this topic using the prompt provided.

Scholarship / Chevening - Engineer, a draft about Leadership and Influence Essay [3]

Omit the college explanation. That is too long and does not really reflect a type of leadership that affected the community that you belong to in a way that matters. The committee is actually looking more for community leadership skills. Mentoring and uplifting the lives of the people in the community through pro bono educational programs, health programs, skills development and upskilling, are some of the volunteer activities that would actually make a mark on the review committee in the first round. With regards to your professional career, while I see the impact it had on the company, it does not reflect an impact on the lives of your countrymen. That would have made a stronger impact on the reviewer, who will also take note of your professional leadership contribution. You have to include more information to prove that you are a true leader and influencer in your given profession and within the community that you belong to.

Scholarship / Divorced parents - Statement of Financial Need - Monash University [3]

The story lacks a vital component on your part as a student pursuing a scholarship, resilience. While I understand that you want to highlight the financial incapacity of your family and its reasons for being, the reviewer will be highly interested in knowing what you did to help out with these financial difficulties. It appears that you were a full time student even as your family struggled financially. How you won the scholarship should be better laid out to help the reviewers consider your scholarship qualifications. They should also learn of what you did to help finance your education. Did you get a part time job? Start an online company? Seek funding from government sources? What did you do aside from getting good grades and receiving the scholarship? Discuss your skills in relation to the possibility of you getting a scholarship. Did these skills help you finance your education to a certain extent? These are some considerations that will be looked at in your application.

Scholarship / Aspirations in Business Administration - GKS-U EMBASSY TRACK [2]


Who? The reviewer does not know nor care about this person. You need to provide a short history of this person that would inform the reviewer and maybe, make him care about why this person is such an influence in your life.


Remove this part. Include this in the language study essay instead. It is more relevant there since your knowledge of English must be discussed in the essay aside from your knowledge of Korean.


The same goes for this portion. This is a required discussion point of the plan after study essay.

Review the information packet that came with the scholarship forms. Make sure to review this essay against those prompts to help you decide which aspects should be moved to other essays based on relevance.

Scholarship / "More than financial support" - DAAD Motivation Letter for upcoming year [2]

I would not open the essay with a reference to the failure of someone else's business. That is because the reviewer will not believe that such an event would have such a strong impact on you. Rather, I would open with a story about how you failed as a business person. That would definitely convince the reviewer that you would want to pursue these career paths as you have experienced how these shortcomings affected the business that you put up.

The middle of the essay sounds more like it came straight out of your resume rather than a narration about your current job. Impress me with your success as a manager. How and why did you stand out? The information you provided sounded more like a skills listing rather than notable professional accomplishments.

Undergraduate / "The French Toast" - common app 7- Share an essay on any topic of your choice [2]

The essay needs more balance. You spent too much time discussing French Toast and the negative body image that you had. There is no real development towards an understanding of how you overcame the negative body image. The relationship between French Toast and your body image was actually lost towards the end. I believe that this essay will work to better represent your fear of not being perfect if you revised it to not focus so much on the negative but allow the reader to learn about how you developed a positive body image instead. I would actually leave out the French Toast reference in totality because I believe that it does not connect well with the rest of the story you are telling.

Writing Feedback / More young adults than older people — advantages or disadvantages? [2]

The format for the response to the prompt is acceptable, but not the type of explanation that would earn this essay the highest possible C+C score. That is because the more appropriate way of discussing this topic would have been to use the compare and contrast format per paragraph. What do I mean by that? When you say that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, you need to explain both sides in the paragraph based on the same topic. For example, you could say that while the rise of younger workers in the workplace is seen as an advantage, it is actually a disadvantage because not having enough senior aged people in an office would result in a lack of higher management with highly trained skills. Then proceed to explain what that means using an example. That is how you can get a better score when given this type of prompt in the actual essay. Give the advantage then disadvantage of the same or vice versa.

Student Talk / Are these extracurricular activities good for UK universities? [2]

When considering your extra curricular activities, it is not the country and overall universities that you should consider. You should look into the extra curricular background of the university that you are interested in applying to. Fit your existing activities to the likes and strengths of the university, most specially if you excel in that particular activity. While all activities will be considered during your application, the ones that the university considers their top priority will be given more weight towards your application. Do not give heavy consideration to the extra curricular activities though since that will only be a certain percentage consideration, a small percentage consideration, for the university. Unless you applying for a sports scholarship that is, then it carries a lot of weight.

Scholarship / Personal statement Psychology (university track) [2]

This essay cannot be submitted to the GKS-U screening committee. I understand that you may have come across this particular scholarship as a user of this forum and you may have looked it up online. You liked what you read about the scholarship and decided to take a shot. However, the GKS scholarship is very particular about the information they ask for from their candidates. That is why there is a downloadable application packet that all applicants are required to download. The essay guidelines, content requirements, and writing expectations can be found in that file. I strongly advise that you download the packet and write the personal statement / motivational statement based on the included writing guide. Your current version does not fall within the required information.

Writing Feedback / Children's, Family's Separation at the border [2]

I hope that this essay is only a draft and you have not submitted this to your teacher yet. It is badly lacking in information accuracy and is highly repetitive in terms of content. It also lacks a proper introduction to the topic and an explanation of the actual "Zero Tolerance" policy. Additionally, regardless of whether you are a Republican or a Democrat, when writing a formal paper, all presidents, past and present, are addressed as "President so and so", never just by the last name.

To create a stronger introduction, explain what the history of the policy is. How it is enforced, and what the enforcing agency is. Grant the reader the opportunity to understand what sort of trauma the children, parents, and the family as a unit, experience during this process. More importantly, cite the sources of the information that you are presenting so that it will be verifiable and can be fact checked by your teacher as he reads your paper.

Writing Feedback / The maps show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development [2]

While the essay is well written and does provide the information necessary for the changes, the presentation is not really well done. The paragraphs needs to be clearly divided instead of compressed in this presentation. The summary overview and body of paragraphs must be clearly separated by a paragraph space. There is also more room for the discussion development since you can write a maximum of 200 words. It would be advisable for you to clearly describe the existing location plan of Islip in one paragraph, then describe the changes in the next one. That way you clearly meet the before and after description requirements for this type of essay. While your presentation is strong in terms of future plan presentation, it is weak in terms of describing the current set up.

Scholarship / PERSONAL STATEMENT - GKS-U 2026, University Track (Keimyung University) [2]


This section should be removed since it is better suited to the Goal of Study or future plan after study prompts.


This should be in the language study plan as part of the introduction of your Hangul learning or basis for your Hangul development.


Remove this paragraph. You do not need to tell the reviewer what they already know about the university. Instead, align your study interests with the university offering. Expand on it.

The essay is basically informative and easy to read. It does try to cover too much information right now, which is a negative. The topics I mentioned above should be fully discussed in the relevant essay prompts instead.

Essays / How to write a Cbest argumentative essay? [3]

No. You will writing based upon a topic of your own creation. That will lead to a failing score. You need to adhere to the writing requirements of the CBEST prompt. That means, you have to write about past travel. You cannot write about future travel because that is not what the essay prompt is asking you to write about. If you do not have any past travel experience and you are writing a practice essay, then choose a different topic to write about. If you were asked to write about this during an actual test, then you can make something up, it does not have to be real, it just has to be in the past and yes, you can be imaginative about it within the parameters of the CBEST scoring criteria. You can also make up something up in relation to the prompt during the practice test if you wish. Do not ever alter, modify, or change the prompt instructions and topic.

Scholarship / Personal Statement GKS-U – Sociology Major (Kangwon National University) [3]

You may have a problem qualifying for the scholarship as an undergraduate student. The scholarship is open to first time college students, as the priority. They rarely award scholarships to 2nd degree seekers, which is what you qualify as. Those who might qualify as 2nd degree seekers have far more impressive motivational statements than these. The reviewers are not interested in 2nd degree seekers, unless they have an outstanding performance as a student to qualify for the scholarship. That is because 2nd degree seekers are often viewed as people who are looking to find a way to migrate to Korea with government support. We have had 2nd degree applicants come to this forum to seek advice, but it often results in a failure on their part. I strongly urge you to apply for the masters degree scholarship instead. Pick a masters course that aligns with your previous major or, choose one that takes you down a separate career path then explain why in your motivational letter.

Undergraduate / "Pathological liars" - application essay [2]



The reviewer will be confused by these 2 statements. A liar is different from a jerk. You cannot associate being a liar with being a jerk and I do not advise that you do so. If you consider yourself a liar, then do not introduce other terms that would lead to the need for your to clarify which of the 2 you actually are. Raise the age reference for this story. The reviewers do not believe in "little 9 year old self" references. Instead, bring it closer to adolescent or teenager years. That way the character development will be more believable.


Reference a "White" lie instead. That is a lie that is supposed to not bring harm to anyone.