Graduate / Transportation and Geoinformation Technology - Motivation Letter for Applying Master Program [2]

Your degree is related to Forestry Engineering, which is all about the management of natural resources. You are over reaching and hoping that somehow the reviewer would see a connection between forestry and urban development. The latter is the college course that would actually have some convincing reference points to traffic management in your home country. Urban development is relevant to the economic and social development of a country which includes planning and mapping of roads and business centers. The reviewer will immediately see this disconnection and reject your application. I would rather focus your discussion in the relationship of Geoinformation technology to the situation that I hope to address in my home country, after the completion of this course. Do not confuse the discussion with your degree in Forestry Engineering.

Writing Feedback / Everyone should be allowed to attend university free of charge [2]


You are not being asked to state an opinion regarding the status of the public discussion of this topic. Therefore, you should not be stating anything regarding this most specially at the start of the prompt restatement. This creates an inaccurate restatement as there is no reference to such an opinion in the original presentation. It affects the accuracy of your restatement in a negative manner.


It is important to create the best reasoning overview for your presentation in the writer's opinion section. You gain extra points for delivering a valid thesis statement composed of the 2 reasons that you will be discussing in the reasoning paragraphs. It helps to create a summary of the discussion that appropriately responds to the task writing requirement. The strongest reasoning that you could provide should relate to the free education status in your own country. That way you gain extra points for personal knowledge and experience reference points in the actual discussion

The discussion you posed covers a general hypothesis which, like I mentioned above, is more difficult to discuss as you are not basing your information on personal insight and relevant experiences. Examiners always give extra points when the writing relates to direct knowledge from the writer. If you can indicate how this relates to your own college considerations, then it will gain the best possible points in an actual test.

Writing Feedback / What are the benefits of regular exercise for teens? [2]

While the essay shows researched information from various sources, the discussion could have been improved upon if you had included a personal opinion regarding the benefits of regular exercise. These essays often require a personal insight because you are expected to have had some experience regarding the topic. So while the discussion about the data from reliable authorities helped you present an authoritative paragraph, it does not effectively represent the benefits of exercise on an individualized and personal basis. There are going to be times when you are writing in English when you will be asked to discuss a public opinion or publicly known information, then compare it with your own point of view or experiece. That is what I was looking for in this presentation paragraph. That is why I implied that the statement is good, but could have been better. This is a good discussion presentation just the same.

Undergraduate / Reading Stories; its impact on my perception of Sexuality (Common App) [2]

This is a wonderfully crafted look into your personality and why it would make you stand out as a student at the college. However, I feel that it could still be improved. There seems to be a gap in the storytelling. The big portion in the middle that would show or discuss how you searched for the answers to your questions after your self awareness was awakened. What factors led to your conclusion that you are asexual and not just biding your time till the right person comes along? The story needs to show the enlightement portion to become more effective in telling your story. Do you think your asexuality is something permanent? Might it change in the future if you meet someone, regardless of gender, who might stir those romantic feelings in you? Self pondering would help show that as a future college student, you will not stop searching for who you are, even as you study courses to help you reach who you desire to be professionally.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Discuss both views for high salaries [3]

The essay will receive a failing score because it does not follow the require response format for the compare and contrast writing instruction. The first problem will be that your thesis statement is incomplete. While you refer to which side you support, you do not summarize why you support that point of view. You need to establish the reasons why you also support the given opinion otherwise the restatement is incomplete.

Using the comparison format per reasoning paragraph means that you have to present a pro and con discussion or a pro and pro discussion, depending upon whether you support or do not support the point of view. You cannot discuss this based on your personal opinion alone. You have to discuss the public reasons first, which should be different from your personal opinion. Based upon this current presentation, you are using only the personal point of view, which resulted in an incomplete discussion presentation. There always have to be 2 sides, the public and the personal opinion in the discussion presentation.

Letters / Medical Field - Stipendium Hungaricum Scholarship Motivation Letter [2]

This is more of a personal statement than a motivation letter. Specifically, this is not an essay that was drafted based upon the scholarship guidelines for this program. The focus of the letter is not on the motivational factors that the reviewers will be looking for upon receiving this application letter. It would appear that you are not familiar with the contents of the motivational letter for this scholarship program because you failed to address the qualifiers for the motivational consideration of your application. Therefore, I urge you to look up the writing guidelienes for the Hungaricum Stipendium program for your country then revise your letter accordingly. Give the required written interview information instead of information that you think would help your application. Do not second guess the reviewers, provide the information that they will actually consider so that they do not set aside and forget about your application.

Undergraduate / Space Boys NFT - My College Application Essay [2]

While the prompt you chose for this narration seems to be applicable on the outset, a deeper reading will make the examiner realize that you chose the wrong prompt. The onset of the actual story contains information that appears to be more applicable to the prompt relating to a story that you feel would help complete your story. The journey you undertook in this statement offers an insight into your financial responsibility and investment understanding mindset / development rather than an obstacle or failure you had to overcome. I will be great if you can also tell the story in a shorter manner. The reviewers do not have the time to read through such a lengthy story. They prefer essays that submit the information in a concise, yet memorable manner.

The first paragraph is not an effective hook. It is the same old story that almost all college applicants have in relation to their upbringing and the financial struggle of their parents. There is nothing that will hold the interest of the reviewer and make him wish to learn more about you. I would not rely on those quotations either. Reviewers prefer to get to know you through your own mindset, definition, or understanding of your personal situation. Try to develop that with a more interesting and personal introduction instead.

Undergraduate / Navigating Change: Lessons from Birds in Flight - US College common App [3]

I am not sure which if the common app prompts you are responding to with this essay. I wish you had included the prompt so that I could give you the most appropriate review for your work. Right now I can only offer a general review.

This is not coming across as a common app response. It offers information that is more related to a generic personal statement.so it does not deliver the kind of information that the common app topics require. You might want to reconsider using this essay in its totality. It doesn't deliver the epiphany type of response that commonly accompanies the college admission writing prompts. This is more of a scholarship application type personal statement.

Writing Feedback / Only educating students to learn academic knowledge to pass exams or teaching them essential skills. [2]

Kindly remember that there is a 40 minute writing limit for the task 2 essay. It will be impossible for you to write an essay of over 400 words during this time frame. You must write no more than 250 - 300 words if you want to meet the time allowance. Failure to properly develop and conclude the essay within 40 minutes will result in an automatic failing score. A long essay will always result in a failing score. The word count has nothing to do with passing the test. It is your ability to use reason and logic in English that is scored, not the word count nor the vocabulary alone.


LR and GRA violations exist in this portion alone. Wrong spelling for "opinion" and "I" is never written in lower case. It is not important to say "In my opinion" either since it is already clear by using the word "I" that you are presenting a personal point of view.

Writing Feedback / Why do we need music? Is a country's traditional music more important than international music [5]


Never open the prompt restatement with your personal opinion as that alters the focus of the original discussion. The personal opinion should be merged with your writer's opinion presentation instead. This should always be read by the examiner as a part of the thesis statement that helps to form the basis of your opinion as the writer.


The question you should respond to is whether traditional music is more important than international music. It is not about traditional music being replaced by international music.

Based on the errors in the first paragraph, I can already see that the essay will not reach a preliminary passing TA score. There are 2 big red flags that explain why this will happen. These are the reasons why I am not confident that this essay will receive passing score.

There are too many reasons presented in the discussion paragraphs, which do not properly related or transition effectively from one reason to the next. The connection in the transition is missing so the paragraph is difficult to follow and understand.

As for the concluding summary, the 2 sentence, 40 word requirement is not properly represented either. The concluding summary is severly lacking in terms of the reverse paraphrase requirement.

Writing Feedback / History is valuable or not. Discuss both views, give opinion [2]

Even as the essay is overwritten at 326 words, the response format presented for the discussion is incorrect. This will lead to a failing preliminary score because the expected response format was not used by the writer. A review of the prompt restatement will show that it is also incomplete. The correect restatement should profile both public opinions prior to the presentation of your personal opinion. The writer's opinion presented only shows the idea of the student, it lacks the supporting reasons presentation that would have completed the thesis statement and provide a summary of the upcoming reasoning paragraphs.

The lack of proper group and personal pronouns in the presentation of reasons also shows that the writer is not capable of differentiating between the public explanation, which is a required explanation for each paragraph, and his personal point of view pertaining to the given opinion, as the comparison point. As such, the examiner will be confused as to whose opinion is being presented and defended per paragraph. That is why the pronouns must be used when discussing the reasons. You cannot immediately jump to your personal opinion, without doing a comparison point of the 2 public perceptions.

Another problem is the summary conclusion. It must be presented with at least 40 words, covering 2 sentences at the least. the lack of proper formatting in the essay will be one of the main causes of the final failing score of this essay. Overall, this is not going to be an essay that will get a passing score in an actual test based on the shortcomings of the writer in this presentation.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that it is good thing for senior management positions to have much higher salaries [2]

I am afraid this essay will fail right from the very start. That is because you only wrote 186 words when the minimum scoring requirement is 250 words. Writing less than the desired number of words means a large percentage of word count deductions will be applied to the preliminary task accuracy score. This means that the essay will be given a failing score, which the remaining scoring sections will have to make up for if the exam taker is to receive a passing score. That does not happen in most instances as other scoring deductions are applied to the regular scoring considerations. The discussions are not fully developed and there is no concluding summary at the end. A lack of proper concluding summary locks in the essay for a failing final score since it is an open ended essay. A proper summary conclusion is part of the scoring requirement.

Essays / Art-based subjects as compulsory subjects - topic advice [2]

I am not sure what sort of advice you need with regards to this topic. There are no right or wrong answers in the Task 2 essay. You will receive a decent score provided that you follow the response format expectations and clearly support your point of view over the 2 reasoning paragraphs. Just remember that an extent essay requires you to focus on defending a single opinion, based upon your writer's opinion presentation.

Test your mettle in responding to this emotional response essay by using the more difficult discussion method. Oppose the opinion presented rather than supporting it. Most exam takers will support the given opinion since that is the easier way to write the essay. By using a different extent discussion, you will impress the examiner with your logical way of thinking and ability to discuss a difficult opinion.

Scholarship / Development Impact Part 1- Cybersecurity / Commonwealth Scholarship [2]

For the global part of the essay, try to find a more specific cybersecurity threat that you feel will be a tremendous problem down the line. With all of the minor threats happening these days in the global financial sector, you should not have a problem finding a security threat that has the potential to strike internationally and bring down the banking system worldwide. An emerging threat on an international scale will be of great help to your discussion. For the national sector, pick a sector of interest or specific weakness and discuss that. Data privacy is important to the healthcare sector so you could look into discussing that for that section. You need to stop being generic in reference and be specific. That way you can show your knowledge when it comes to security coding as well.

Writing Feedback / Some think newspapers are the best method for reading the news [4]

I am afraid that your topic restatement / paraphrasing is not good enough. It is practically a cut and paste version of the original, with very little to no significant changes in the restructuring of the presentation to make it appear that you are presenting your understanding of the topic. This will cause an automatic failure of your preliminary Task Accuracy score since you are expected to restate the original topic in a new totally different wording from the original. When we include the lack of a proper thesis statement to support your writer's opinion, the pre-scoring considerations for your essay fall within the failing mark which will affect its ability to receive a base passing score.

The sudden presentation of the writer's personal opinion in the concluding summary section of the essay further indicates that the essay will receive a failing final score. That is because the concluding summary cannot contain the writer's opinion since it is meant to only provide a reverse paraphrase of the topic plus reasoning paragraphs. The writer's opinion must be presented either as a stand alone 3rd paragraph or, as a reference point within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. One personal opinion for each public representation.

Grammar, Usage / The usage of "this" and "it" in a given example [2]

In this case, the word "this" is used to refer to the single and uncountable nouns. In this case, the uncountable nouns refer to chocolate, sugar, and butter in its original form. The use of "it" in the sentence cannot be considered a dummy subject because it refers to a specific subject in the sentence.

Also, a dummy subject is always presented in the form of a phrase such as " It is" and "It was". The phrase is oftentimes used to add words to a presentation, without actually adding context to the presentation. Therefore, it is a "dummy subject". "It" and "This" are often used to refer to previously mentioned references.

Consider "it" as the reference subject in a sentence. It is a direct or indirect object of a verb, normally the object of a preposition to an inanimate object.

Scholarship / Ensuring healthy lives of people - Chevening essay on career plan [2]

The main consideration for this essay should be how you will assist the DFID in their healthcare programs related to HIV/AIDS in Tanzania. Look into what offerings they have, their accomplishments, and where the program might be falling short in terms of support or implementation. Compare it to the skills that you will develop as a Chevening scholar and then write an essay that will exemplify how you plan to aid the DFID and in the process, build your career at the same time. There should be a direct relationship between your career plans over the next 5 years and the DFID programs in your country. It will be best if you can include possible Chevening alumna in these plans with a specific purpose in mind.

Graduate / Building strong network and relationships - Chevening [3]

The presentation is weak. It does not prove that you were able to create a profession usable network. By a profession usable network, your experiences should have had workplace applications wherein you were able to call upon these contacts to help you solve or ease a work situation. The primary contact should have created secondary and tertiary network channels for you on a professional basis. College networks should have translated to workplace contacts. Seminars and conferences should have created professional resolution or career growth channels. This is not an impressive networking essay. It is forgettable and does not increase your chances of making it to the next round of considerations.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Advantage/Disadvantage on longer life expectancy [2]

There is always a specific format that should be followed for optimum scoring potential with every task discussion requirement. In this case, a comparison discussion that supports the writer's opinion at all times would be the best opinion presentation. A written debate would help you increase the C+C and TA score of this essay overall. To accomplish that, you must discredit the perceived advantage for what it is in your opinion, a disadvantage. The first sentence should introduce the advantage, the second explains why the public see it that way. Then, by the 3rd sentence, you should present why you see it as a negative, following it up with an explanation and an example that proves your point. Stick to the defense of your opinion in the 2 reasoning paragraphs. That way you do not stray from your given point of view in the first paragraph. When you deviate from your discussion, the chances of your essay not receiving a passing score increases.

Scholarship / Health and Public service - why you have selected your chosen three university courses [2]

The essay is direct to the point and presents the barest reasons for your choice of university. It is boring and lacking in information. The reviewer will not be interested in pursuing you as a student under the scholarship under any of these universities because you are not presenting any reasons for him to consider your interests in learning at these universities at this point.

A proper selection of universities should reflect your academic goals and professional skills that require improvement. These should clearly connect with the university course and location for further training (if possible). Enhance the essay by presenting your academic and personal considerations that led to the university choices. Make sure to indicate any impactful classes, professors, or training that you might receive per university. Be original in terms of discussing each university. There is no one size fits all discussion for this.

Scholarship / Qualities of survival - Chevening leaders or influencers in their home country [2]

Influence is a part of leadership qualities, but is not applicable to this prompt. Rather, influence is something that should be used to discuss your networking abilities as an applicant. That is what became clear to me while reading this essay. You are referencing networking rather than leadership abilities and functions in the presentation. This is not an English language test either so saying that you "strongly agree" means nothing to the reviewer. In fact, your definition of leadership does not matter to him in as much as your exemplary leadership skills, as narrated in this essay, would have been. While I understand that you are probably a fresh graduate who does not have workplace leadership skills yet, you must find a way to represent professional leadership skills on your end. The competitors are highly trained professionals with international leadership training at this point. You cannot compete with them if you will be referencing only academic and community based leadership skills. You can strengthen your community leadership skills presentation if you do not have professional skills to reference yet.

Writing Feedback / people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, others not [3]

It is important that you follow the proper page formatting for your discussion presentation. That is because you are scored on your ability to follow writing instructions, which includes page formatting, as a part of the Task Accuracy preliminary score. Small errors such as formatting have a large effect on your final score.


This is the writer's personal opinion. It is not present as a reference point in the original presentation. Therefore, it should not be a part of the prompt restatement section of the first paragraph. The opinion may instead be used to introduce the writer's opinion instead.

The reasoning paragraphs have a problem because does not follow the comparison format for the information consideration of the reader. The first half of the paragraph should explain the public reasons for the statement given. The last part of the paragraph should reflect the writer's opinion of the public point of view. This compare and contrast / supporting discussion should then be backed up by group pronouns for the public statement and first person pronouns for the writer's insight to separately represent the information sources while also increasing the GRA score for the essay as the sentence will show a proper development of its presentation structure.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 The three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school [2]

For the summary overview, the number of images must be indicated since you are going to be representing 3 calendar year references to it. Additionally, your vocabulary could have been improved in that section if you had used the word "decades" to indicate the leap years of the indicative reference points. Please note a 10 year gap between each year represented by the images.


This is not really a required representation in the trending statement. Points are awarded for the correct high and low comparison information rather than a high value that does not have a low comparison point.


This is the paragraph where the information about teachers salaries would have served a better purpose as an anchor topic / sentence.

Writing Feedback / Proportions of workers in three different fields in South Korea - TASK 1 [3]

Make sure that you follow the English writing rules. The first word of every sentence, specifically, the first word of every paragraph, must be written with the first letter capitalized.

As this is an analytical essay, the writer is not allowed to use pronoun references in the presentation. That is because of the need to remain unbiased in the writing. It is important to remain neutral in the presentation. Additionally, the reader will not have access to the image so you cannot ask them to look at any reference.

The summary overview is missing information in relation to the provided image. A run down of the listed reference points must be provided as a part of the complete summarized information.

You may contact me privately for a paid review of your work, inclusive of a possible score by using the contact email listed below. Thank you.

Scholarship / TripWithCommunity / Tourism - Chevening leadership and influence [3]

Upon reading the essay in full, I would have to say that the information contained in it covers more of the networking requirements of Chevening than the leadership requirements. Your work is actually not formed upon leadership since you did not discuss how you fully led the campaign, creating teams, resolving issues, and basically leading the program overall. The college reference does not work since this is a masters course and the basis of competition with the other applicants will be mostly based on the professional experiences and the unique leadership abilities that the applicants can bring to the program. This essay does not reflect any uniqueness in your leadership style since it is mostly desk based and social media focused. You have to show both practical and theoretical leadership in this case.

Graduate / Personal Statement for Master of Science in Anesthesia [3]


Do not make analogies in a personal statement such as the one above. It shows a lack of familiarity with how films are made and how the operating room works. It totally weakened your essay by giving your desired position or course over importance. That will not sit well with the reviewers.

The statement about being born to immigrant parents will not make any impression on the reviewer either. It is irrelevant since you are not an undergraduate applicant but rather, a masters course applicant whose previous professional experiences should speak strongly for yourself as both a person and a student.

Editing the essay for continuity could have helped make a better presentation. All of these comments cannot help you anymore. You already submitted your application.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Work for the same organisation all their working life VS different organisation [2]


Do not sensationalize the discussion. There is no supporting evidence for that point of view in the original prompt so you cannot represent such in your restatement. You will lose points in the TA score for an inaccurate prompt representation.


You cannot suddenly represent your opinion in the concluding paragraph. That is because you are to discuss your opinion within the 2 reasoning paragraphs, by saying if you agree or disagree with the public opinion and why or, you use a 3rd stand alone paragraph to explain your unique point of view regarding the topic. By inserting your personal opinion in the conclusion, you do not follow the writing standards for the task 2 opinion essay and will receive a failing score.

Scholarship / Civil consultant - personal statement GKS-U [2]

The information about your name, what it means, how to pronounce it, who named you, their rank in the family, these are all superfluous information that will only extend the personal statement in a negative manner. It removes the focus from the guide questions that were provided for your writing. Additionally, keep the discussion about your family in a specific, contained paragraph. Do not suddenly go back to that discussion in the middle of the essay. You may use the information to show how your interest in this field developed, but keep it short. Additionally, do not use researched information when discussing the choice of university. Since your application is university tracked, the reviewer will expect to hear from you than just well known information found online. There needs to be a merging of your academic goals with what they offer. How the work of the notable professors inspired you further. Information like that which are meant to show that you gave serious thought and consideration beyond the common information, when choosing the university for your studies under the GKS-U program.

Letters / Is This a Good Motivation Letter ? to Master Program Transport and Geinformation Technology at KTH [3]

Do not approach this as a personal statement. It is also not a professional biography. Both are present in this essay, which nullifies it as a motivational letter. You are not entirely focused on proving the need for your expertise in this field in relation to your chosen masters course. Your other experiences appear irrelevant since you are not connecting it to the traffic situation that triggered your interest in this field. So the motivation aspect is lost. You are not to discuss your experiences here if they cannot act as additional motivational triggers or targets for your advanced studies. I would write a more attuned motivational letter rather than trying to fix the presentation and information contained in this version.

Writing Feedback / Technology has made our lives too complicated, the solution is to live a simple life without it [2]

Uh, the essay is lacking 40 words to meet the minimum TOEFL word count. There is a writing minimum of 250 words, maximum of 300 word for any given English language test. Failure to meet that requirement always ends up as a negative factor in your final score. You are given enough time and word allowance to fully explain your opinion, take full advantage of it to show that you are capable of thinking and writing logically, and within reason, in English.

The writing in this essay is meant for the IELTS test, not TOEFL. there is no need for a writer's opinion in the TOEFL test because you are to start discussing your reasons from the very first paragraph. There is no reason to recap the prompt and pov in this test. So giving an opinion like you did will be taken into consideration, but will not be a major scoring factor.

You have problems with sentence structuring throughout the essay. You tend to rely on run on sentences and commas instead of varying your punctuation marks and using clear thoughts to present your ideas. Work more on familiarizing yourself with the types of English sentences and how to write them. The same goes for punctuation marks and how to use these in the sentence presentations.

Writing Feedback / In some countries, shopping online is replacing shopping at store. Discuss both the pros and cons of [4]


This answer will show the examiner that you did not understand the writing guide question that was given in the original prompt. The response provided relates to pros and cons, when the original prompt is asking you to choose between one of two possible responses: Is it a positive or negative development? Pick one side and discuss over 2 valid reasoning paragraphs. The essay has already failed the exam at this point because the preliminary TA score will not be a passing one since your response is unrelated to the task. This incorrect understanding is also reflected throughout your discussion paragraphs, where you continue to use the pro and con discussion voer 2 paragraphs. The essay will not receive a passing score.

Undergraduate / Motion graphics and animation - sop for ugrad [3]

The requirement for this statement is to present a clear purpose for your application. However, your essay falls short of that presentation. It is more of a biography than a purpose presentation. The focus of the essay should be on 3 aspects: personal reason for pursuing motion graphics and animation (self fulfillment), academic (passion for learning), and professional (why you see this as your career and what your plans are should you complete the course). These are the aspects that complete your purpose for studies. An additional reference to the purpose of applying to this university in particular would be appreciated by the reviewer. It shows that you did your research and have chosen the university based on merit instead of easily scanned online information. Reasons for studying in the US must be career related as well.

Writing Feedback / IELTS|The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014. [2]

You have written a presentation of 321 words. This is not an information presentation that properly represents the task 1 essay. The analytical essay has a 20 minute writing limit, meaning you cannot write more than 200 words for this section of the IELTS test. By writing 321 words, you will use a major part of the task 2 writing time as well, which means you will fail both the task 1 and task 2 essay requirements.

Formatting is also a problem for this exercise that you wrote. You did not follow the 4 paragraph writing format. Had you followed the proper formatting and spacing for the presentation, you would have seen that you went overboard with this failing piece of writing. I cannot even assess your work at this point because this essay would receive an automatic failing mark during the actual test.

Please come back for an assessment when you have written a proper 4 paragraph, 200 word essay. I will be more than happy to give you improvements pointers then.

Scholarship / My GKS-U Personal Statement (Computer Science and Engineering) [2]

I must say that you have a truly unique and interesting background for a GKS applicant. However, this "special" circumstances of your background, particularly in your education, could be the very hurdles that will prevent the full consideration of your application. The main problem is that you are home schooled. This prevented you from achieving academic considerations that other applicants would have. A GKS scholar must be able to prove his academic excellence through awards, publications, and work experiences. While you have some work experience, It is not fully related to your course of interest and does not cover any professional qualifiers that would prove a solid foundation for your educational foundation. You further weakened your application by admitting to be weak in a particular subject that is pivotal to the course as a student.

Writing Feedback / Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why? This is posive or negative? [6]


This is a hanging sentence. What are you trying to say? What is the actual point of your thought? The idea has been started, but not completely presented. Always complete your thought process. This might make sense in your native tongue, but it does not hold any sense in English.


This is a very badly developed sentence that is enough to earn you a failing GRA preliminary score. You need to learn to think in English and present complete and clear ideas in English. This sentence will negatively affect your GRA and C+C scores.


You cannot say this. The whole point of the task is to show that there is a point of view that you support. A singular point of view. This is not a comparison essay. That is not how the writing instruction is structured. Since you are not writing based upon the expected presentation format, the essay will automatically receive a failing score.

Undergraduate / My Biggest Victory - Event in my life that illustrates my personality traits - GKS-U essay to PNU [2]

You are not supposed to present your personal statement in chapters. You are to write a full, compiled, and integrated essay that reflects the writing guide information to the best of your ability. The GKS application essays are written in a specific manner, as indicated by the writing prompts. This is not the application essay that will allow you to get too creative with your presentation. This is not a US college application essay that functions on simple writing prompts. So you have to stick to the format and topics indicated in the manner listed in the writing guide. Those prompts are what the reviewer will appreciate reading about. Your work will be more acceptable for a US based college application than the GKS application. You have to start over, this time following the writing prompts for the university track application.

Undergraduate / Mechanical engineering student - Personal statement for the GKS [2]

Since you are applying as an undergraduate for the Mechanical Engineering course, there is no sense in discussing your interest in Art within the early portion of the essay. You are deviating the focus of the reviewers from your actual application. It does not add anything to the presentation in terms of what qualifies you for the scholarship, nor does it respond to any aspect of the prompt in relation to your choice of study course.

The lack of relevant exposure to Engineering, either as a STEM student, shadowing, or skills and expertise will be the major hindrance of your application. Most of the applicants to this program from across the globe will have academic accolades, awards, and early training in mechanical engineering. I am not saying that you are not qualified to apply for the scholarship, it is just that you are not a very strong contender when considered in comparison to the other applicants.

Never beg for the scholarship to be awarded to you. That is frowned upon by the reviewers and makes you seem really desperate as an applicant. That paragraph in this presentation should be removed. Aim to win the scholarship based on qualifications rather than emotional considerations.

Writing Feedback / Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? [5]


Complete the basis of your opinion. State the 2 supporting subjects of the reasoning paragraphs. Do not forget that this is a single opinion essay and the majority of your final score will be based upon how well you structure your first paragraph. Work on the quality of your reasoning presentation along with an accurate prompt restatement.


This is an overly and often misused cliche in the English language that you are often using / repeating in this essay. Try to be more direct in your presentation. Since this simply means "at present", then say it that way. You do not get additional points for using cliche's in the language.

Your essay will fail because you did not support your point of view in the reasoning paragraphs. You contradicted your own opinion in the 2nd paragraph, which means you are not certain that your opinion is something you can personally support.

Undergraduate / Learning My Limits (College Essay) [4]

Okay, this is an essay based on self-reflection. Using quotations from Theodore and Franklin Roosevelt will be considered cop-outs by the reviewer, who is looking for personal insight from you rather than an explanation based on other people's words. While their words may resonate with you, it is not a good descriptor for what you are actually going through. Their words will probably cover only 75% of what the reality of your situation was.

You glossed over the most important aspect of this discussion which is the results of your over reaching and lack of time management skills. Since you are looking to engage yourself in a double major for college, you need to show that you are capable of pulling out of a downward trend, which will probably happen in a double major course, and that you are capable of finishing the course within the given time frame for each course. Focus on how you understood the situation, the results of your actions, and the repair that you applied. Don't rely on the inspiration from other sources to insinuate that you dealt with the situation successfully. Show that you actually did it.

Writing Feedback / Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmental [2]


There is no issue of controversy being presented in the original prompt. The examiner will deduct points for exaggerated statements that alter the original sentiment or emotions of the discussion topic. This was only an idea that was presented. It should be presented as an idea in the restatement, in a calm and logical, rather than in an argumentative manner.


This is the basis of your reasoning paragraphs. As such, this is the singular opinion that you are required to show as correct in the 2 reasoning paragraphs. You can use the current discussion format you have for the reasoning paragraphs. Only the opinion that supports your given point of view will receive scoring consideration. The essay will then receive a non passing score due to the under development of your idea. The unsupported reason will not be given any scoring credentials.