Undergraduate / Boston University supplement essay: tell us why BU is a good fit for you, why you apply? [2]

This is only my first draft paper, so it is surely not good enough. Any comments, thoughts? Really hoping to see your reviews!
PS: Does anyone think that course no.(CAS PH 155 A1)is necessary? Since this essay is a little bit more than the specified words here.(256/250)

Passionate about both philosophy and political science, I find BU's emphasis put on interdisciplinary studies particularly appealing. I would be thrilled to join the college of arts & science and pursue membership in BU's exceptional Philosophy and Political Science program. Through course like "Politics and Philosophy"(CAS PH 155 A1), I shall be enchanted with the opportunity to explore questions associated with these two subjects, such as " Can and should politics be conducted philosophically?" "What legitimizes the exercise of government power?", with professor Griswold, an impressive specialist in Moral and Political Philosophy. I am very confident I will be cultivated the most sophisticated philosophical skills of analysis, expression and argumentation from not only this course but also many others as well as inspiring.

In addition, I have always believed that diverse experiences contributed essentially to one's growth. And I shall continue to diversify my campus life at Boston University, a place full of diverse people, groups and researches. Outside the classroom, I hope to join Feminist Political Philosophy Reading Group to exchange opinions with people from the world and engage myself in energetic conversations. Also, I intend to immerse myself in hundreds of cutting-edge researches offered by Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program. Among them, a program related to sociology particularly excited me. I wish to volunteer as research assistant for a project on immigrant families with autistic children. Working with professor Nazil Kibria, I shall apply my knowledge on statistics effectively and gain experience in qualitative research methods. My mother language, Chinese, also well fits this program.

Undergraduate / My great singing performance in the Talent Show of Harvard AUSCR Summit for Young Leaders in China [4]

Supplement essay: Beyond your academic credentials and extra curricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful? Provide us with some suggestion of the type of person you are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us, or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude.

Based on this question, I wrote a writing sample about singing. However, I noticed that it says "beyond extra curricular accomplishments", so I'm a little uncertain here. Does this essay fit the question well? And also, any comments or thoughts would be much appreciated.

(I'm actually thinking of deleting the first paragraph, it seems a little wordy and unnecessary here, will it be better to just delete it or save it?)

This is not a story of straight success. Maybe some people would not even regard singing as my greatest talent as I've failed so many times. But this is a story about myself, about how I changed the way I sing and why I sing.

I was told to have a great voice since I was young. So it came naturally when I was selected into the elementary school choir, performing at multiple places since then. Three years of experience in the choir gave me a lot of happiness. Singing in the spotlight proudly in front of the audience, I always felt being recognized and appreciated. Yet beyond this sense of achievement, I didn't know what singing actually meant to me.

When I stepped into Junior High, there was no choir owing to academic pressure. Hoping to get my happiness back, I turned to singing competition in school. However, it did't work this time. For the first time in my life, I stood on the stage on my own instead of just following others, feeling deeply tenacious and lost. I kept forgetting the lyrics and the performance was just a sprawling mess. I at last could not come up with a single word and had to wait there until the host sent me off the stage! After this "scandal", nearly everyone thought I was about to give it up. Nonetheless, my tough nature came into play and it did not take long for me to refill energy and hope again.


Waiting for next year's competition, I practiced through my phone and learned from performance videos whenever I was free. After another semi-successful attempt in Junior, I was all the way through the finals and made it to Top10 out of 300. I went to the judge after the competition and asked him why I was not good enough to be the best. He told me that I grasped all the skills but emotion. Sadly, I was not able to touch the audience.

I was confused by what he said for a long time until the day I watched the Voice of China with my parents. Surprisingly, my father wept hearing the singer's emotional interpretation of the song. I seemed to understand something. Beyond the good voice and skills, what a singer need is the emotion from within. Clearly, a song is great most because of the emotion that is vested by the singer. From that time, not only did I practice, but I studied the song, learned the stories behind, and interpreted it again and again. My endeavors paid off and I was allowed to pass the super selective audition in Talent Show of Harvard AUSCR Summit for Young Leaders in China (Hsylc) and became one of the three people who got a chance to sing in front of a hall of people from the whole country. After the show, a girl came to me and expressed her appreciation for my performance. She said she was brought by my singing to her happiest moment. There were no better compliments. I knew I finally made it. Over the years, singing has long ceased to be my way of getting recognized by others. Instead, it is an enjoyment. I enjoyed this process of bringing other people emotional impact. No matter what I do in the future, I shall always keep singing.

Undergraduate / Some thoughts about flying kites, Bradeis essay [3]

Wislawa Szymborska said" you can find the entire cosmos lurking in its least remarkable objects." Help us see something ordinary in an extraordinary light.

My opinion about this essay is that it asks me to write some of my thought toward something ordinary in life. So I just wrote about kites and my thoughts about them. I also feel something is not right with my wording, it's just not that flow to me. Any advice to improve?

I saw a group of kids flying kites on the square the other day. They held the strings, running, while the kites flew in the sky, staggered. I watched the kites, feeling a sense of inexplicable touch.

Kites are always tracked by an invisible string, just like us, who assume ourselves free while still governed by legal systems that controlled our behaviors and actions. This intangible line astricting us invisibly supports and dominates all our activities. Suppose, if we broke the "line" unscrupulously by violating laws and regulations, will the kite still able to fly again? Even struggling for a while with the wind, it would be no more than falling into the dust eventually.

Concerning the mastery of the kite, it is all about the proper strength. Too strong, it will float away; too weak, it will fall down. Only when the kite is carefully controlled can it soar in the air. This story exactly tells the truth that neither quick success nor free indulgence will end up well. Similarly, keep a peaceful mind, remain poised and calm and in this way may we seize the right timing and control our life well!

Undergraduate / My unusual family experience. Something fundamental to comprehend me. [3]

What is something about yourself that is essential to understanding you?

I know that the essay for college application has to be positive. And it may not be ok to talk about some downsides of my family. Nevertheless, what I wrote in this essay is basically true and I do think it has shaped who I am.

Please share your thoughts about this topic and any other comments that you may have. Thank you very much.

(I feel it's not very flow at the end of the essay but I have no idea how to improve. Also I am over the word limit. Any advice to shorten it?)

I have understood the meaning of "self" at a very young age and learned that you just cannot expect every parent to be a "full-care" mom or dad. I happen to grow up in one of those unusual families, in which my parents seldom showed care to me beyond my academic performances. Though still fulfilling my basic requirements, they seemed to more focus on their own lives. When I was 6, every time we went out, my parents were always around 7 feet away from me, holding each other's hands in front and I had to trot to catch up with them. Whenever I slipped and cried, they never helped me and I always ended up standing again by myself. As far as I can remember, they never asked me " How's your day?" but only regularly checked "How's your study?" After I went to school and met other kids, I gradually found this patter of interaction to be so different. Striving to change yet failed, I lived with it. In fact, over the years, I have come to appreciate "indifference" my parents have on me. Not only am I much more independent than my peers, but I grew to care very much about people around me, as I know and understand so deeply what it feels like to be isolated, to be unconcerned and how much valued to be cared and helped. There's a foreign girl in my junior school, who was quickly left alone by the class because of her poor accent and not-so-fashioned dressing. I felt extremely uncomfortable and brought some snacks for her and helped her to get rid of jeerers the next day, at the risk of also being isolated. She's now become a very bright girl. That always care and understand others is my creed these years. What I have been endowed with shall always be part of who I am and who I will be in the future.

Undergraduate / Describe how you plan to pursue your academic interests at USC. [3]

Hi all! Hope can get some feedback. My biggest worry now is actually the second part of this essay, as I'm not sure if it counts as "pursuing academic interests". Any other comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

I instantly "clicked" with USC once I found its unique "Progressive Degree Program in Philosophy and Law". Initially enchanted with reflective thinking and analytical argumentation skills that philosophy could bring me, I have fallen in love with this amazing discipline. And my intention of studying law and being a lawyer comes from the idea that it allows me to apply classroom learning in real professional world and get to be part of justice being done. I'd be thrilled to join this terrific progressive degree program at USC and pursue my passion in both philosophy and law, as it integrates perfectly my academic course planning with my personal career goals. I would like to take courses like: " PHIL 330" "PHIL 431" and "PHIL 530", all of which would certainly allow me to explore interactions between law and social issues, from a philosophical perspective. Through the learning at this program of USC, I shall deeply benefit from the philosophical training in how to analyze complex materials, express thoughts concisely and reflect things around me with rigor and logic. These are essential skills for me to become a lawyer.

Also, with my experience as the founder of "Public Dispute Mediation Group" in my community and the vice president of "student council" at high school, I look forward to joining student committee at USC and contribute to the betterment of student body by helping to safeguard every student's rights and interests at USC. By doing so, I will get to enrich my practical experience and apply theoretical knowledges properly.