Writing Feedback / A simple profound accomplishment; the pride of winning a competition [2]

Reaching my 9th grade, all my friends had bought smartphones except me.I was so disturbed by the way they shared images and videos making fun of me.I had to buy one too, much expensive and much cool.I knew my parents would not give the whole sum of money, so I needed to participate to a drawing competition on our school to win for the rest of the money.That was the only option I I was good at drawing, but not that good to participate to the competition.The competition's task was to draw a portrait of a real person photo.As far as I drew only manga and comics were in my drawing books.But the way I wanted to prove to my friends and my parents that I was able that this detail seemed inconsequential.

I started on easier photos to familiarize myself with drawing portraits.My first two photos were a disastrous failure much like caricatures.I was then so afraid to not make it.Drawing in breaks, in my free time and everything I could draw.All my friends had their own portrait drawn by me.They were so happy about it, anyway I was training.To continue familiarizing now shifting real photos to virtual ones in my head.Everyone that came to my head finished in my drawing book.I found myself liking more and more drawing.My drawings mattered to me and sometimes offered them as gifts to people I care about.I remember the gift for my brothers anniversary, his portrait which I drew with much consideration and that was so important to him.My drawings usually reflected much of my feelings and my thoughts.For a certain time I felt to be ready to participate.I participated to the competition finally.The drawing was not easy but the hard work paid and after 2 weeks they proclaimed the winners.I was the fifth and I did even receive the money I wanted.I was so happy and so honored by the way my friends and parents were congratulating me over and over.

I bought my smartphone.But the pride I got was not to buy the phone but to win the competition.This proved me:one that I can achieve my goals and finish what I started, two I discovered my talent and three the closest people to me honored me.

Undergraduate / Amazing student to faculty ratio and many other reasons - what great at Swarthmore [4]

150 to 250 words, write about why you are interested in applying to and attending Swarthmore

I have been having trouble writing this essay because I'm not sure it is specific and unique for Swarthmore. Can you help me out! The deadline is approaching.

I know that Swarthmore is the best fit for me

Up to 40 courses of study, 600 courses offered each year on campus I would quickly define Swarthmore as a good college but many great universities have it, but the Tri-college consortium with other great Universities as Haverford and Bryn Mawr, cross registration with University of Pennsylvania and a quite amazing student to faculty ratio of 8:1, there Swarthmore is unique and I certainly wish to study there. I've always wanted a college which gives much assistance and consideration to Independent creative projects and Undergraduate researches and Swarthmore is the perfect match for me as it invests much in those. In addition, honors program are unique because they are mainly built on the idea of dialogue and this makes it more interesting to learn and easier to express your strength and weaknesses. I didn't get the chance to visit the campus to contemplate the beauty of the environment with Crum woods which makes a perfect landscape to study in. I was also astonished by the diversity that Swarthmore brings with people from all around the world with different racial and ethnicity, which make me fill comfortable that I can easily integrate the society wherever I'm from. I admire contribution to the society and learning new things beside class and the multitude of clubs and organization in Swarthmore pulls me towards it. I think everything at Swarthmore interest me, although I can't talk about every field in just 250 words I know that Swarthmore is the best fit for me.

Undergraduate / "We are about to be homeless" - Common app personal essay [4]

Common app personal essay, I talked about the story of my life but I am not sure it is the way to approach the question. Any advice would be welcomed,

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Rwanda - My personal story

Rwanda is called a country of thousand hills, with a beautiful landscape and beautiful people. Despite its beauty, Rwanda has its own problems, both economic and social. After the 1994 Genocide, there were no Tutsis, no Hutus, or Twas. We were all Rwandans. However, there are still some scars and Rwandans who want to live in the past. My personal story is a reality in modern Rwanda, that many Rwandans face.

My learning story started in 2012, after both my parents lost their jobs. First, my dad lost his job after the termination of the Gacaca Tribunal court which tried genocide perpetrators. Then, a few months later, my mom who was the breadwinner, quit her radio director job due to racial threats from her neighbors, employees, and even her boss. In a post-genocide Rwanda, I was convinced that ethnic tensions were done, but apparently not.

When my parents lost their jobs, we started losing everything. Late in 2013, We first moved out of our beautiful home in the suburbs to live in an unpleasant house in one of the most unsafe neighborhoods in Kigali. I was 15 years old then and thought this was a transition situation. I kept telling myself that we will get back to our beautiful, big house soon. At least, that is what our parents told us. 2014 is a year I will never forget because I became an adult. By the beginning of 2014, my parents could not afford to pay monthly rent and our school fees.

"We are about to be homeless": we kept saying to each other, me and my brothers. My parents, who are my role models, made one of the toughest decision in their lives, even though they did not have a choice. They decided to move in my mom's best friend house. We moved in another family's house and it was the most inconvenient thing in my life. We were three young adults sleeping in the same bedroom. I had no privacy anymore.

Despite all these difficulties, my older brother managed to finish college, my second brother to finish high school; he is now in college. My parents have a new house, though not as beautiful as the one I grew up in. From my parents having the best jobs of their lives to losing them and our family becoming almost homeless, I had learned two biggest lessons in life: nothing is impossible and that a friend in need is a friend indeed. I never could imagine how generous my mom's friend and her husband were to let us live with them, not just one person but a whole family with all their belongings (I guess we did not have a lot at that time).