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Posts by MTALY
Name: MT
Joined: Jun 22, 2018
Last Post: Sep 14, 2018
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: Egypt

Displayed posts: 6
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MTALY   
Jun 22, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Artists have more attention than scientists [5]

art creators vs scientists



It is argued that art creators in many sectors are under the spot more than scientists. While I partly agree with this opinion since artists expressing people's values, I still believe that science savvies are popular for their inventions and innovation.

One the one hand, the key reason why artists are getting more focus than scientists is their abilities to express people in different ways. These ways could touch the psychological status of many fans. For example, an article that is written by Oprah Winfrey could be more inspirational for many people who struggle in life than developing a drug the treat a serious disease. Additionally, successful artists could deliver things that for many people are priceless. For instance, a masterpiece painting by Van Gogh is representing the culture and values of a community and no longer monetized.

On the other hand, great scientists with groundbreaking inventions are also popular among people. This is due to their innovation that really changes many people's lives. They always under the public's eye because of their abilities to invent hypothetical forms to many issues and converting them into practical solutions. For example, NASA scientists were able to find a way to operate a fridge using solar power. Consequently, many people on earth get the benefit of this inventions, especially poor areas in Africa where electricity is not an option.

In conclusion, it can be reiterated that artists are utterly popular because of their expressive power that touches people. However, I think that scientists who smartly invent solutions to overcome people's obstacles are also getting the same popularity among people.
MTALY   
Jun 23, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Artists have more attention than scientists [5]

Thank you so much for your valuable feedback. Yes I agree with you that I went off topic in the first paragraph and I should have mentioned why art is more attractive from the society perspective.

For the opinion paragraph, I tried to mention it in the thesis statement in the first paragraph (the intro) and to maintain a clear position within the essay ( which I believe I didn't do that perfectly) and finally, reiterate it in the conclusion.

I will rewrite this essay again considering adding a third paragraph to see what I am able to mention in terms of more ideas.

Thank you, appreciate it.
MTALY   
Jun 24, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Artists have more attention than scientists [5]

Thank you, I should have mentioned that artists are more visible through their work more than scientists. For example, movie stars or actresses are everywhere on billboards, posters and trailers .. etc

I am brain storming more ideas for both arguments.
MTALY   
Sep 14, 2018
Writing Feedback / Tourists visiting rough condition places ( IELTS task 2) [4]

Hi @amal_yaddy,

I agree completely with what @Holt has said. In my honest opinion, I believe your level is not more than 5 as a band score. Here is some tips for you to improve your writing in task 2:

1. When you write the sentence "this essay will blah blah ...", this sentence might be considered a memorized sentence and the examiner could deduct the number of words in this particular sentence from your total essay's word count. In that case, if your essay has 260 words, definitely you will be under the word count which is 250 words.

2. Use a clear topic sentence for each body paragraph.

3. Read more about complex and compound sentences and the correct use within paragraphs.

4. Use some realistic examples that would support your view.

Good luck
MTALY   
Sep 14, 2018
Writing Feedback / Task 2: Opinion about video games - more problems than benefits [7]

For your conclusion, it needs to be a paragraph not just a one sentence. Also, you may need to address some proactive measures from your view to avoid the detrimental effect of video games.

Also, you should address both the benefits and drawbacks with extra emphasis on the part you agree with. So, in this case, you need to restructure your essay.

Good luck
MTALY   
Sep 14, 2018
Writing Feedback / Contribution to societies through taxes or by there should be other responsibilities [2]

contribute not only by paying taxes



Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes.

People have different views on how to contribute to their societies. While some believe that paying taxes is fair enough, others including myself think that there are more responsibilities towards the society rather than just paying taxes.

Paying taxes by citizens is deemed a good way to contribute to the society. People who agree with this concept believe that they are delegating the government to do all the work to the society on behalf of them using the collected taxes. The collected taxes are highly likely to be utilized in different useful aspects. For example, many taxes are used to improve the infrastructure, empower the educational system with advanced technology or enhance the healthcare sector. In addition, citizens who choose this way to contribute to their societies usually do not have the time or the experience to participate effectively. Such time and experience are equally important for an efficient productivity within any society.

Conversely, people who oppose the previous concept have their convincing reasons. One key reason is getting the sense of community. Although they pay taxes which are mandatory by governments, they believe that more duties have to be done for their societies. For instance, criminals pay taxes to the government; however, their contribution does more harm than good. Thus, the best way to contribute rightfully to any society is by joining a community work or a charitable party that gives back to a society. Another reason is contributing to a society can pave the way for a better community than just by letting the government to do the work by taxing people. To cite an example, many people in the developing countries forcefully pay taxes to the governments but due to the corruption, their society does not benefit from the collected taxes.

In conclusion, having discussed both views, I vehemently believe that in order to contribute effectively to any society, people should be actively involved in the contribution process itself rather than just paying taxes. Also, paying taxes does not necessarily mean that people or governments contribute rightfully to their respective societies.
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