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Posts by jerryhoang1991
Name: Jerry
Joined: Aug 20, 2018
Last Post: Aug 25, 2018
Threads: 3
Posts: 6  
From: Canada
School: Langara

Displayed posts: 9
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jerryhoang1991   
Aug 20, 2018
Research Papers / Researching expanding of life expectancy - paper [3]

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.

People can live longer, but...



Expand life expectancy is always expected of each people in the modern society. It is true that people in industrialised nations live longer than ever before. The increasing of geriatric population has many negative effects not only on society but also on individuals. In my essay, I will show causes and effects as well as solution or reduce this problem.

The average life expectancy is increasing brought negative effects in the modern world. This led to an increase in the number of retired people while there is only a smaller population of young adult working. In this case, the government will spend a lot of money to pay for people who will receive a pension. At the same time, the government will levy greater tax on working people to compensate those expenses such as healthcare. Moreover, young people will have to spend more time to look after elderly relatives and they will not have more time for themselves and society's activities.

However, there are many ways that the government can take to solve the problems. First and foremost, the government should be given a policy about age of retire longer than before. If the former retirement age is 50 then it will now be 60 or 65 because medical advances and health programmes might allow elderly people stay healthy and work for longer. Moreover, the government should be encouraged somebody to have more children and encourage immigration with who have highly qualified. By this way, the number of younger adults will be increased and then minimize some effects of this problem.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for negative effects of average life expectancy on individuals and society, and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem.
jerryhoang1991   
Aug 20, 2018
Writing Feedback / Computer can sometimes give some positive effects on youngsters, but more likely it brings harm [3]

Hi NgocChi
I really like your synonym in your essay such as essential , detrimental. In my opinion, i think that in your introduction, the first sentence is good but the second sentence i think you should combination instead of use "i accept" and "i believe". In addition, your conclusion , i think you should to write longer.
jerryhoang1991   
Aug 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / Students are more likely to be successful in their life if they continue their studies - IETLS topic [5]

Higher Education



I prepare for writing essay test at school. This essay requires at least 400 words so I choose IELTS topic to practice.
Please give me some advice for my essay, good word or sentences. thank a lot.

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A job became an important role in the life of each people, it is true that no one can live without a job. When teenagers finish school, they face the dilemma of whether to get a job or continue their education .Many people think that studying at university or college will make them successful career while others think that there are some benefits to getting a job straight after school. In my opinion,I would agree that it is better to go to college or university.

To begin with, there are some benefits to start work straight after school is attractive for several reasons. Many young people want to earn money as soon as possible. In this way, they will become independent and not depend on their parents. In addition, they will have chance to gain real experiences in the life, pratical skills and learn skills to get promotions. This way will make them settle down earlier, afford a house or have a family.

On the other hand, I believe that it is more beneficial for students to continue their studies. Academic qualifications are required in many professions. For example, police, doctor or teacher require somebody gain knowledge, more experiences and especially relevant degree so that they need to continue to study more. Moreover, derive benefit from higher education will make them get better job opportunities. The most striking feature of this problem is the job market is very competitive and some company required employee must have qualification. Young people who not graduate at college or university will not have more chance to find jobs with higher salaries.

From these arguments, one must conclude that students are more likely to be successful in their life if they continue their studies beyond school level.
jerryhoang1991   
Aug 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: A lot of Buildings Are Now Being Built With An Open Plan Design [4]

@dimdim02
Hi, I have some feedback to your essay. In your introduction, it is not clear sentences because it has too much comma and you should remember to capitalization for a new sentence. You should practice to write follow this form i think it will better

* Body:
Paragraph 1:
+Topic sentence
+definition
+example
+conclusion ( relate to topic sentence)
Paragraph 2:
(same paragraph 1)

* Conclusion
1 or 2 sentences relate to a thesis statement in your introduction.
jerryhoang1991   
Aug 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / The importance of allocating certain percentage of high-level position in companies to women [4]

@Bita12
Hi, i have some feedback to you.
You should write clear introduction and more details for each paragraph. In addition, you should show for the reader that you already finish your paragraph and do not put more detail in your conclusion.

Moreover, you should not use & for writing instead of ``and`` and ``don`t`` ->. do not.
jerryhoang1991   
Aug 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / Aging population is good or bad for society (Let task 2) [4]

@Tracytrinh1998
Hi Tracy, in my opinion, i have some feedback to you.
In your introduction, the last sentence is too short, you should combine with the previous sentence.
In the second paragraph in the body paragraph, instead of use phrase: "pay more money for tax ", you can use a phrase " a greater tax burden for...", i think this phrase will be interesting. Moreover, i use too much word " therefore", you can use the synonymous word such as: hence, thus.

And in your conclusion, some sentences is too short.
jerryhoang1991   
Aug 25, 2018
Writing Feedback / A group is able to find better solutions that if they were to try to solve the problem individually [4]

working as a group



Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
When people solve problems as a group, they come up with better solutions that if they were to try to solve the problem individually. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


Teresa said that "There is nothing more terrible than to be alone among human beings". It is clear that when we have a problem in the life if we become a solitary person, we will face difficulty to find solutions in any situation. From my perspective, I agree that working as a group not only results in better solutions than individually but also carry an efficient and progressive process.

Firstly, working as a group can finish their tasks in more efficient manner. As a person not always has a suitable competency to solve or analyze the problem. Therefore, the knowledge and skills of each member a group can also be used to strengthen a solution. For example, in many sports such as football, a player would not scorer if not helps from the team. Moreover, working with a team will help people save time, solve complex problems and to complete a difficult task faster. In addition, working in a group may bring responsibility for team member because they know that their work will directly result in whole group.

Secondly, working as a group help people become more creative. Teamwork helps in increasing collaboration and has a scope for brainstorming which results in getting more ideas. As a result of the exchange of ideas can act as a stimulus to the imagination, encouraging individuals to explore ideas they would not otherwise consider. Moreover, the people can improve their skills while working as a group. For example, a team will be having people with different skill and abilities such as communication, presentation or leadership so that working closely with others, the people will have more chances to share various work experiences, educational background.

From the reasons mentioned above, I believe that working as a group brought advantages to people not only solution efficient but alo necessary skills in work as well as life.
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