many talented women deserve to become a manager
No one can ignore the fact that companies even in developed countries are less inclined to put female in high-level positions and it maybe seems quite reasonable at first. One can reason that women have the pregnancy leave, they have a family to manage, and therefore they have enough responsibilities and will not do great in high-level positions. But if we look deeper, eliminating the chance of women getting high-level positions will leave us with only half of the talent pool. So I strongly agree that companies should allocate a certain percentage of the high-level positions to women.
There is a general idea that women are the second gender, and they are not able to do complicated tasks. When it comes to workplace, the same idea is preventing women from taking high level positions. But since there is no empirical evidence on the relationship between gender and ability to perform in high-level positions, companies can't recruit based on the gender.
On the other hand, it is vital for a company to recruit based on capabilities of the employee. Capability of a person is determined by his or her knowledge, skills & attitudes. When companies don't consider women for high-level positions, without no reason, they are putting aside half of capable perspectives.
Lastly, there are some women already working for the company. They constitute a very important resource that company spends a lot of time and money to train them. If the company is not even considering promoting them to the higher-level positions, obviously it is wasting its resources.
Overall, I agree that companies should rethink human resource allocation to consider recruiting more women in high-level position. Because gender shouldn't be a criterion for recruiting and companies, and other factors such as knowledge, skills, and attitudes should be considered. This way the companies can benefit from the whole talent pool.First, I think you should write the detail topic and your introduction should be based on this, which means it has to conclude restatements of your topic instead of notifying some reasons needed more in demonstrated paragraphs.
Second, explanations are not quite adequate to push your arguments to be many-sided, because you are organising too many fractions of paragraphs, which make us be interrupted and can not comprehend total. You should unify these paraghs become each one but more sufficient: introduced sentences, deep explaination, conclusion and examples.
Hope that helps.
@Bita12
Hi, i have some feedback to you.
You should write clear introduction and more details for each paragraph. In addition, you should show for the reader that you already finish your paragraph and do not put more detail in your conclusion.
Moreover, you should not use & for writing instead of ``and`` and ``don`t`` ->. do not.
Good morning,
Although I could see what is the point that you were trying to make, questions were still made after reading the essay. It would be better if you add some more details to your bodies (It seems a little short in order to support the main idea).
Also, avoid abbreviations for academical essays.
