Posts by manhmoc

manhmoc

May 25, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS: People have little understanding of natural world. Why and how to fix it? [3]

Lack of knowledge about the place where we live

As much as the human have been relying on the nature ever since our first existences, ironically people barely recognize the significance of the natural world. There are several explainations for that paradox, but some feasible solutions will be proposed now.

The lack of appreciation toward the natural world can be attributed to a few different causes. The most noticable one may be the increasingly technological development. Along with rapid urbanization, less exposure to the nature deprive people's curiosity and gratitude about the world. Additionally, due to a substantial insufficience of education, people are willing to choose to destroy the environment and exhaust all the resources they can possibly get to maximize the short-term profit, or maybe to fulfill their personal satisfaction. For example, to reduce the cost of disposal treatment, a number of companies release toxic waste directly into rivers; or a lot of endangered wild animal's products such as tiger skin or rhino horn, which proved to be of absolutely no values, are illegally bought as symbol of status.

However, it is not too late to take steps to tackle the issue. One possible action should be considered is restructuring urban-rural population distribution. Once depopulation in the countryside area decreases by making more employment opportunities outside the city, for intance, interaction between people and the nature will obviously escalate. Besides, eco-friendly lifestyle should be widely promoted. In fact, rooftop garden are gaining more popularity among urban citizens; or some famous chain cafeterias like Highland VN encourage customers to bring their glass bottles and steel straws by giving them an extra amount of drink.

In conclusion, nowadays when we are facing numberous real challenges from environmental degradation which we are both the perpetrators and the victims, a sense of honour to the importance of the natural world should be instilled. Some reasons are detected, then some solution can be implemented now.

manhmoc

Jun 4, 2019

Writing Feedback / Shopping, working and communicating with people via Internet, without any face-to-face contact [3]

Hi thaonguyen1st,
1. With just a click of the mouse or ...=> I love writing like this and love reading stuff like this, but to be honest it does sound like in a magazine, rather than in an essay.

2. I think you write to much about communication. The topic asks us to discuss a LIFESTYLE in which we use the Internet to work to shop to chat....without really meeting people.

But overall, you did a pretty good job. Keep going my friend.

manhmoc

Jun 4, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS: People have little understanding of natural world. Why and how to fix it? [3]

@Maria
Thank you so much for your wonderful advice. I really appreciate that.

manhmoc

Jun 10, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS-2 : Should we let old languages die? [5]

Dear @naomi1993
I can see that you are still unfamiliar with the concept of academic writing, as there are several basic mistakes.
For example:
1. The first paragraph should be where you restate the opinion in the topic in you way, which is called "paraphrase". Next, carefully read the question, it asked "to what extent do you agree or disagree", that means it expects from you your point of view: strongly agree, agree, disagree or strongly disagree. Don't wander into "how important languages are".

2. There are still grammatical mistakes, "if this country or region have their ..."

3. DON'T ever use the shortened form of the verbs in an essay. "It is", not "it's".
I think you still have a lot to do, but don't be disappointed when reading these. I have been there. We also have to be critical to improve.

We stand by you.

manhmoc

Jun 10, 2019

Writing Feedback / Lack of interpersonal skills. Causes and Solutions? [5]

Qualities required by employees

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills, such as cooperative skills. What are the causes and suggest some possible solutions.

Recently there are complaints among employers about the absence of interpersonal skills in the young labor. There are several explainable reasons for that issue, and also feasible solutions to adopt.

Failure to cooperate with the others between new employees may be attributed to some causes. Today advanced technology has enabled people to lead an extremely convenient life, which consequently results in a sedentary lifestyle and a decline in social gathering. With less in-person interaction, a number of youngsters gradually struggle with the loss of confidence and communication skill. Furthermore, nowadays lots of young people choose to live alone or in small family instead of in a traditional big family, and some of them are financially independent very soon. This particular trend may contribute, more or less, to undermine social bonding even inside family, the very first and the ultimate form of community.

However, it is crucial that steps be taken to tackle the issue. In educational institutions, a less passively teacher-led and more about autonomous learning method which includes teamwork discussion, pairing assignment, idea exchanging and debate should be highly promoted. Besides, teachers should create an active learning environment where students support each other and eliminate unhealthy competence. In firms and companies, training sessions, as well as team-building program should be established on a regular basis. For example, company trip on holiday with game for groups like Pictionary may help breaking barriers and enhancing fellowship between staff.

In conclusion, although some possible caused can be identified to thoroughly understand the businesses' concern, there are practical measures for us to improve interpersonal skills of the present young labor.

manhmoc

Jun 16, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 Essay about the best way to tackle environmental problems [4]

@Thangnguyen315
You did put a lot of effort into the essay, well-done. A lot of fancy words, very impressive.
However, it seems to me that you are not really familiar to the concept of academic essay, as there are still something that you should keep in mind. Don't worry, that's why we are here.

First, I think you should reconstruct your essay a little bit. The beginning and the ending are ok, let's take a look at the two body parts. The question asks for your opinion and there is an ABSOLUTE word (the best solution), so in the main parts, it is advisable that you express your ideas like below:

1. Admit: On the one hand, increasing the cost of fuel is indeed a practical solution. (explain how increasing the cost of fuel will enhance the environment...)

2. Attack: On the other hand, there are also several measures we can consider....
instead of agreeing with the thesis and then immediately refusing it in the same paragraph, and spending the next paragraph listing alternative solutions.

Secondly, there are still some grammatical mistakes in the essay.
For example: rising fuel prices is the most effective way-> raising fuel price.......this may help to alleviate-> help alleviate; and there exist other viable solutions (this is a big mistake, dude) -> there are other viable...or other viable solutions can be taken,,, if we increased (why increasED?); For this reason, the number of personal vehicles being used for transportation is likely to decrease, thus ~~reducing~~ reduce the amount of toxic fumes and making make the environment cleaner....

Thirdly, the essay is too long. A lot of words were used but a number of them don't sound natural. For example: "It is an indubitable fact ... First of all, ..."

It is very long and awkward. Besides, you stated "first of all" but where is the "second"? :)) you may try:
It is irrefutable that lifting up the cost of fuel is beneficial as the amount of exhaust fumes can be declined. The explain why...

I know it is difficult at first. We have all been there but don't be upset and disappointed. We are just being critical for your own good. Keep up the good work.

There are still a lot to learn, and it takes time.

manhmoc

Jun 16, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS: When designing, the use of a building is the most important, rather than appearance. [5]

the top priority function of a construction

When designing a building, the most important factor is the intended use of the building, rather than its outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people contend that the expected function of a building is of top priority, over its exterior display. Although it is irrefutable that the building should be employed at its best potential, I believe focus on only the use of a building is by far the best way to design one.

On the one way, a building is indeed planned out and constructed for a purpose, not just to look at. People seek for practical ways to utilize a space in the most reasonable expenditure, so in some cases outward appearance may be overlooked. For example, that a number of people migrate from hinter land and settle in urban areas does put a strain on city amenity and cause a lack of housing, so high-rise apartment and office blocks or multi-story car parks, though give a city a shabby and chaotic look, are effectively solutions.

On the other hand, I believe architecture is a significant form of art, thus function should not be the primary consideration when designing a building. Architecture and city planning can modify the image of an area. Therefore, it is imperative that sufficient funding be allocated to enhance exterior outlook of buildings, constructing places of interest and facilitate general infrastructure so as to foster tourism. In fact, lots of iconic constructions like the Eiffel Tower or Pisa Tower serve only one purpose as an architect symbol. Furthermore, a fascinating appearance of a building can instill a sense of pleasure to people. For instance, a well-lit and cozy head-office, a colorful kindergarten, an antique bookstore or a fancy fashion boutique are likely to stimulate people's creation and boost up some energy.

In conclusion, while I accept that intended use of a building are important when designing, external image should be equally ponder on.

manhmoc

Jun 19, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS: When designing, the use of a building is the most important, rather than appearance. [5]

@Maria
Your comments have been always useful, thank you very much. It was a difficult topic to write, I'll try my best to improve my writing afterward.