Undergraduate / A never-ending pile of whys. I am applying to some top universities. [2]

Common App Personal Essay

Any sort of help is welcome! I am applying to some top universities, which means my essay should be nearly perfect. I definitely want to rewrite my last 2 paragraphs, but just don't know what exactly to change. Thank you so much in advance!

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. - I am not really sure which prompt my essay fits, but I guess this is the most appropriate

In the beginning, we were a small family of three, living in a house so small we barely had enough walking space in between the crammed furniture. I grew up with my mom singing in the kitchen while making her famous pancakes and her braiding my hair every night before reading me a bedtime story. Needless to say, I was privileged by having both of my parents nurture me with unconditional love, regardless of my gender.

At the time, gender was nothing more than just a biological phenomenon to me. I was a happy, carefree child with little thought about social norms and values. Life was simpler then - the only thing I needed to know about girls and boys was that we went potty in separate rooms. As I grew older, however, the line of division that separated us became more evident. I started noticing things I could neither comprehend nor explain. "Female" became an entirely different species. A never-ending pile of whys came crashing into my life.

To hush my ever-growing fire of rage and confusion, I turned to the internet. Through hours of research, I stumbled upon the f-word. "Feminism," what I considered to be the complete hatred of even the slightest expression of femininity, was not my favorite concept, to say the least. At least that's what I used to think. The first image that came up in my mind was a raging man-hater with short red hair and a lip piercing, destined to burn all men alive. On that bra burning bombshell, I closed the chapter on feminism.

That was up until 10th-grade, right before I met the woman who changed my life. It was mid-November, and the rain poured over me, soaking every inch of my clothing. I was standing on the side of the road, waiting patiently for my taxi to arrive. Preoccupied with the flow of rainwater down the stone road in the city center, I didn't notice how a sleek grey convertible parked right in front of me. I sat down in the back seat, put on my seatbelt, and leaned back. As my eyes shifted from my books onto the rear-view mirror, I froze. I didn't see the thick, dark eyebrows or the equally thick, dark hair that I was used to seeing. Instead, I saw long, elegantly curled eyelashes that sent endless shadows through her honey-gold eyes. Behind the wheel of the convertible, was a woman. We exchanged little more than a sentence, but somehow, she ignited a flame inside of me. In Azerbaijan, a country that practically thrives on sexism, patriarchy, and stereotypes, seeing a woman drive was like finding a four-leaf clover. On that rainy November day, I found that mystical leaf.

During the next day of school, I marched into my principal's office and demanded I be allowed to play in the boy's basketball team. Unfortunately, not many girls shared my love for basketball, and as such, we did not have a girl's team. Being a "weak" and "sensitive" young girl, I wasn't allowed to join the boy's team either, and I had never thought of fighting for my rights before. After many attempts and heated exchanges, I was accepted as part of the team. Although small, my victory pushed me to do things I'd never imagined of doing and opened my mind up to a whole new world. I went on to become the Vice President of the Community and Service Club, the President of the Student Council, the only female in my volunteer group at a children's hospital, and the captain of the school Volleyball team.

Yes, I am a feminist. I believe in the equal rights of men and women. Yes, my accomplishments can seem trivial to others, but I do everything with sheer genuinity and compassion. I believe that I have the potential to do something meaningful. And I believe that one day, everybody will be able to say "I love the f-word".

Undergraduate / Colgate Supplemental (3 words your friend would use to describe you) [2]

what my friend thinks about me?

To be able to really comprehend what my friend means when describing me, I am obliged to shed light on the person my friend is. My friend is very unconventional, in the sweetest way possible. This magnetic pull of unconventionality is probably the basis of our long-lasting friendship. Consequently, when asked to describe me in three words, she took a different approach. As she says, "three words are just not enough to describe your beautifully peculiar nature."

She says I am an unstoppable visionary. I remember the exact moment she told me this. I had just finished explaining my life-long dream of becoming a successful neurosurgeon, who then opens up a small two-story shop. The first floor will, essentially, be my tattoo & piercing parlor. I imagine the second floor to be a sort of escape from reality. Picture this - soft bean bags sprinkled around a vintage USSR turntable that will most certainly play Queen most of the time, and the smell of freshly brewed coffee in the air.

"You also tend to look at people through rose-tinted glasses." It's true, I do try to see the best in people. It seems utterly foolish to focus on the negative aspects of life. "Your understanding of life is also one of the reasons why you are dubbed the "class clown," she says. What can I say? I love making people laugh.

As this essay comes to an end, I hope my friend painted a nice picture of who I am.

Word count: 250 words
Any help is appreciated!

Undergraduate / GWU Supplement Prompt 1 - how would you change the course of history? [2]

This is the prompt:
At the George Washington University, our students frequently interact with policymakers and world leaders. These experiences and those of our alumni can shape the future of global affairs. If you had the power to change the course of history in your community or the world, what would you do and why? (250 words)

a phoenix reborn from its ashes

Despite the struggles that came with the division of Azerbaijan by Qajar Iran and Czarist Russia, the Azerbaijanis established their own autonomous state, the Azerbaijan Democratic Republic, on may 28, 1918.

It was a remarkable phenomenon, comparable to that of a phoenix reborn from its ashes. The nation was prospering - ADR opened its first modern university and was one of the first countries to allow suffrage to women. Unfortunately, this period of progress did not last long. The Red Army invasion dispersed the idea of a democratic Azerbaijan and instead emerged the Azerbaijan Soviet Socialist Republic, which significantly pushed back Azeri progress.

One of the main reasons for the failure to protect our land was the fact that most of our army - which was also made up from remnants of the Caucasus Islam Army of the Ottoman State - was in Karabakh, and only a small portion of the army was on guard. Thus, my first step would be to warn the government of the upcoming invasion, having the knowledge that I do today. In addition, I would urge the government to fund rigorous military training, to ensure that the army is ready for the invasion.

Could you please help with a conclusion, and maybe just an overall opinion about the essay? Thank you!

Undergraduate / JHU Supplemental Essay - an impact by collaboration with others [2]

to make an impact at Johns Hopkins

Hi everybody! This is my answer to the JHU Prompt (Successful students at Johns Hopkins make the biggest impact by collaborating with others, including peers, mentors, and professors. Talk about a time, in or outside the classroom, when you worked with others and what you learned from the experience.) The word limit is 400 words; here I have 381 words. Could you please provide me with your opinions and whether or not I should change it? Thank you in advance!

I will be honest, I wasn't always the biggest fan of group projects. I was always the kid who, at every MUN conference, would have a stack of finished resolutions with no room for collaboration or a change in perspective. I was blinded by my own ego; enough to fail to see the intricate allure that comes with working with other people.

In 9th grade, it was my class' time to continue the legacy of the Thalassaemia Project. I really wanted to be a part of the project, since the disease is very prevalent in my country. The bad news - it was a group project. I decided to swallow my pride and join in the name of knowledge. Let me tell you this, I was not in my usual comfort zone. We were a rather small group for such a colossal project, though it didn't feel like it. To my despair, my "colleagues" were all hard-working, talented, and kind people, with vibrant opinions and creativity going through the roof, which made it much harder to hate the process. At times, we would spend a ridiculous amount of time deciding something as trivial as the spacing between the lines. Arguments and minor discussions did take up a substantial amount of our time, but that wasn't all.

As we moved forward with the project, I started noticing how we became a small community - a family. Disputes and quarrels turned into discussions commanded by sheer respect and understanding and we all learned to work as a team. The end result was beautiful: our project gained recognition in many schools around the city, which means we succeeded at raising awareness about the disease. We were even given the chance to visit the Thalassaemia Center and dig deeper into the issue by communicating with the patients and doctors. The project was not only in our small flash drive - we carried it in our hearts.

Apart from successfully achieving my goals, I also befriended a nice bunch of intelligent people. What else did I gain from this experience? Don't be afraid to listen to the opinions of others. Be respectful. Don't be a control freak. Encourage not only physical diversity but also mental. And most importantly, I understood the value of a good teamwork.

Undergraduate / Georgetown - What does it mean to you to be educated? [2]

Hi! This is my essay for the Georgetown prompt. I would really appreciate if you helped me out.

the place where I want to start growing

Michael Faraday revolutionized our understanding of electromagnetism. Orville and Wilbur Wright are credited with inventing the world's first airplane. Mark Twain added color to our childhood with characters such as Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. What do these people have in common, apart from being immensely successful in their respective fields? They had minimal education. Does that mean these people don't fall under the category of "educated people?" I believe not. Education is something intangible; it is nothing more than a phenomenon created by society.

I think that with time, we have forgotten the essence, the core nature of education. In this day and age, we believe that it is the responsibility of an educator - a professor, teacher, or parent - to supply our minds with the knowledge they retain. We have reduced the meaning of education to something abstract - to facts, tests, grades, degrees. Education cannot be abstract. It is something colossal, something so powerful it cannot be diminished to a system in which grades win over knowledge.

We are all born with the potential to do something extraordinary, to be extraordinary. This potential is the driving force of education. The purpose of educators is not to fill our mind. Their purpose is to shape our mind in a way that we use it to the fullest. Curiosity, analytical reasoning, the desire to ask questions people were scared to ask before and explore different perspectives - this is what I mean by education.

I once heard somebody say that we, young curious people, can be compared to apple seeds. Small, bitter apple seeds that, when broken, reveal absolutely nothing to the naked eye. But, if you would go beyond the physical, you would see something extraordinary. There, in that small seed, is instilled a whole generation. A whole generation of trees that will give rise to apples, which will, in turn, give rise to many more trees. What is the role of the gardener, or in our case, the educator, in this scenario? It is not to tell the seed how to grow. It is to nurture it with all things necessary so the seed can develop into a majestic tree.

In my scenario, Georgetown University is the gardener. It does everything to ensure vigorous plant growth in a hospitable environment created through a blend of nutrient-rich soil, sunshine, and fresh air. The Georgetown College core requirements - the fertile soil - provides me with courses like French and Sociology to broaden my spectrum of knowledge and prepare me for the real world. The sun - my source of energy - represents the booming student life. Extracurriculars in the fields such as Athletics, Dance, Music, and Art, ensure that every student will find his or her own comfort zone, a place where the balance between rigorous coursework and leisure is restored. Fresh air - of course, I am talking about the beautiful campus of Georgetown. I imagine myself walking through the main gates and seeing the Healy Hall tower over me, falling in love with every inch of the campus.

My small, urban garden of Washington, D.C., is where I want to start growing. It is a place where diversity and individuality are celebrated not only in the student body but also in the academics. Georgetown is the embodiment of everything I ever wished for in an educational institution - a chance to not only pursue my passion for Medicine but also expand on my interests and values by joining the plethora of clubs on campus. It is with utmost honor that I consider Georgetown University to be my potential community, my garden, in which a small seed will grow into a beautiful apple tree.