Writing Feedback / ARGUEMENTATIVE ESSAY: CRIME PUNISHMENT FOR YOUNGSTERS. I'm pro applying yet harsher actions. [4]

"In recent years, many countries have become extremely concerned about the increase in crimes committed by young people. Tough measures and strict punishments are necessary to stop the youth from re-offending.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Write an essay (about 250 words) to express your opinion."

I will sit for the IELTS test in February 2019. Hope you can give me advices and score on my essay.
Many thanks.

a tougher punishment should be considered

Over the last few decades, there has been a dramatic spate of crimes carried out by the youth that called for more serious and severe punishment in order to ameliorate the situation. Personally, I strongly advocate for applying harsher actions to these cases.

Firstly, as a consequence, recidivism is more thoroughly eliminated. After experiencing a tough punishment, those uncomfortable remained feelings will be effective in preventing any thoughts of re-committing. Moreover, they also play a key role in shaping the unawared young minds about complying with the laws later on in their lives. In short, stricter rules act as a long-term prevention to this alarming social malady.

Secondly, understanding what offenders have to suffer will make teenagers develop their social awareness and responsibility. At the very young age, if students are well-informed about the serious extent of crime punishment, they will apply stricter rules to themselves to avoid acting against the laws. Hence, these kinds of punishing maybe the most practical role models for the youth.

Opponents of my point of view may claim that young people do not deserve harsh laws as they should be given more chances. There are some moral values grounding this statement, however, long-term social security is a substantial drawback. In adulthood, everyone has already been assigned with adequate responsibility and awareness to abide the given rules. What is more, lower level of severity means several crimes are bound to happen again as an obvious result.

In conclusion, with the view of protecting the nations from these incidents, I completely believe that tougher punishment should be brought about in the foreseeable future.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: NOT HAVING CHILDREN AT A YOUNG AGE [3]

More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why?

Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

Over the last few decades, an increasingly popular social trend among millennials is having children at an older age than their prior generations. This essay will present some underlying reasons of this modern choice.

To begin with, later age is widely perceived as perfect timing for upbringing a kid in terms of stable financial status. When young people have not settled down their career and life-long plans, they are not able to cope with a relatively burdening economic requirement of upbringing another individual. Consequently, the kids whose parents failed to provide adequate needs are in the sphere of lack of education, illnesses and social maladies. Moreover, the close relationships between family member are at risk due to the significant lack of time spent together since parents are involved in the nowadays incessant race to better salaries.

In addition, parenting demands several integral skills whereas younger individuals are not fully up to scratch. Taking care of a child entails patience, sensibility and numerous other dignities. If one cannot adopt these characteristics, bringing up the kid will turn out to be extremely tiring and stressful. More seriously, these uncomfortable feelings can transform into aggressive reactions or even domestic violence cases which stem from the hatred of incapability.

Opponents of this viewpoint may claim the negative effects of old-age pregnancy on the mother. However, this proposition is not completely convincing as modern convenience has offered much safer and affordable services which allow people to define their own perfect timing for parenthood.

In conclusion, this trend is proven to have positive impact on the modern social world. Despite a few indiscernible flaws, it will assure a brighter and more civilised future for our next generations.

I highly appreciate your constructive messages, also, I would be grateful if you could mark my essay. Thank you for your help!