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Posts by Jean145
Name: Jean
Joined: Jan 11, 2019
Last Post: Jan 16, 2019
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  
From: Malaysia

Displayed posts: 8
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Jean145   
Jan 11, 2019
Undergraduate / Chasing Dreams (Loyola Marymount University Admissions Fall 2019, Writing Prompt #2) [2]

Prompt:

Speaking about education, Dr. Martin Luther King once said, "The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character-that is the goal of true education.''

Critical thinking is a central goal of Jesuit education, and at LMU you'll be asked to think critically and intensively in every class. Dr. King suggests that critical thinking results in our ability to inform intelligence with character, and strengthen character with intelligence. Please talk about a situation that demanded critical thinking from you, and how your choices or decisions integrated intelligence and character.


(The Common App answer space only permits up to 5,000 characters so that limit has already been reached)

Choice and Critical thinking



Answer:

Choice; an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities.

We are all given the power to select a desired path, be it clear or unknown. Sometimes the choices we make involve minor items, like deciding between coffee or tea. Other times, these choices can have major implications on our lives, such as opting to leave home for better opportunities elsewhere. For high school seniors, the single most important--and arguably toughest decision--is choosing a career path as they enter the world of adulthood: the exact same situation I was placed in over a year and a half ago.

Critical thinking; the objective analysis and evaluation of an issue in order to form a judgement.

We constantly incorporate critical thinking into our daily choices. Failure to carefully weigh the potential outcomes and consequences of these choices may not lead us to the best results. This was my undeniably my greatest fear as I neared my high school graduation in the summer of 2017, but I knew I was not alone. Like many others lost in a labyrinth of options, I was stuck at a crossroads. I was faced with a colossal dilemma to either pursue an engineering degree that I had initially aimed for since entering high school, or leave everything I learnt behind, turn a complete 180° to take on a newly acquired interest; filmmaking.

While this scenario may not be a major issue in the Western world where people are encouraged to follow their dreams, it is a different story in most Asian cultures. Many students are still pressured to go into fields their parents want them to pursue, prioritising practicality and economic stability over passion. Coming from a Chinese Malaysian background, I can testify that the East's collectivist sentiment of compliance and reduced risk-taking certainly opposes the West's individualist mindset that strives for uniqueness and variety. Hence, it came as no surprise to me when my parents were taken aback at my sudden switch from science to arts. Overwhelmed with shock, they initially disregarded my new interest as "passion that would not feed me". In other words, they thought that film, or the arts in general, could not provide a stable income.

I was once again left with two difficult choices. I could follow my heart and pursue filmmaking, or go with the perception that the latter was a foolproof way of earning good income. To me, it was about finding a career I would thoroughly enjoy, but to my parents, it meant foregoing the chance of a stable job to chase an aspiration that yielded uncertain outcomes. If I wanted to fulfil my parents' wishes, I had to work on a science-based degree. If I chose filmmaking, I had to go against their ideals, possibly disappointing them in the future with a lack of job security. Day and night I weighed my options. On one hand, my logic told me that engineering was the way to go, as I could satisfy both of my parents and increase my chances of securing a skilled job. On the other hand, my conscience constantly reminded me about the growing curiosity I had for filmmaking. I was genuinely amazed at the way film can take the form of many different narratives and how much it can impact people's lives today; I wanted to be part of the creative process. With this in mind, I eventually chose career satisfaction over job security after realizing that I would rather do something I was passionate about than being stuck with a career I had little drive for, regardless of the risks involved.

Fusing my burning determination with well-researched facts, I finally mustered up the courage to convince my parents that I really wanted to pursue filmmaking. I showed them the various job prospects and possibilities a film degree could provide, proving to them that filmmakers and artists can be just as successful as scientists and engineers. I also put my heart and soul into learning as much as I could about the art of filmmaking and its techniques, making them realize that I was serious about furthering my passion. After months of persuasion, my parents finally allowed me to pursue a degree in film.

Many have asked me whether I regret choosing this path, and to them I say, "Absolutely not". Film is a medium that can resonate with and entertain a global audience through creative visuals and universal messages, and I would not have realized this sentiment had I not thought critically. If I never paused to thoroughly contemplate my choices along with the passions and dreams that made up my distinct personality, and if those aspirations had not been reinforced with my own knowledge and research, I likely would have received disapproval and become yet another voiceless soul in the crowd. However, just like how Theseus used a thread to navigate his way out of the labyrinth, we can utilise critical thinking to find our way out of our own maze of options by weighing the potential ramifications of our choices and making sound decisions best tailored to our individual selves.

Done by:
Jean
Jean145   
Jan 12, 2019
Undergraduate / Academic and Practial World - University of Waterloo. AIF. Reason for choosing to study CE program [4]

You could write more about what your intended program in Waterloo offers in particular that makes it different from other institutions, so something more specific to your program in addition to the co-op. You could elaborate more on what you aim to achieve academically as well when you join that program rather than simply stating CS or CE.

Hope that helps.
Jean145   
Jan 15, 2019
Undergraduate / A New Light (Ringling College of Art and Design Application Essay) [4]

Writing Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
(The Common App only allows up to 3,500 characters in the answer space)

My role in a Model United Nations



Going through life's trials is like navigating our way through a dark room. Although we may be unaware of what lies ahead, we stumble on, trying our best to work with the limited knowledge we have gathered in our younger days. However, once in a while there will be a guiding light that shows us a new path; and as we follow that light, we come across experiences that will help us grow to become better individuals. In my case, I encountered it about a year ago when I took up the position of Under Secretary-General of Photography as part of my first ever secretariat experience in a Model United Nations conference.

Having been in the MUN scene since 2015, this was a significant milestone for me. Never in my life had I envisioned myself taking on a major leadership role in an annual event, let alone on my university's campus. Of course, getting there in the first place had its own setbacks. After years of determination, failed applicant interviews, and working as a minor crew member completing miscellaneous jobs, I worked my way up from being a participant to an organiser. As my first time becoming Head of the Photography department, it acted as a launchpad that took me to greater heights, filled with new experiences and realisations about myself and my friends.

Prior to this, I consistently doubted my own abilities and preferred to blend in with the crowd, foregoing my chance to shine for the sake of my own insecurities. However, being part of the secretariat helped to grow my inner seed of self-confidence. Like a plant under sunlight, I was placed in a nurturing environment that encouraged others to speak their minds. Gradually, I too became more outspoken and less hesitant to voice out my ideas. Being a leader also meant being independent and having good organisation skills. I took this opportunity to learn the ropes, from coordinating secretariat photoshoots to planning and producing the opening ceremony video. I learnt how to set my own logical and achievable objectives, all with little reliance on others. Consequently, I could produce work that matched the secretariat's sky-high standards as I was able to formulate clear-cut goals that my department could work towards, effectively preparing myself for the target-oriented working world.

In addition, this experience shed light on some personal aspects I never realised I had. One of these revelations was the the fact that I was very emotionally-driven. I took constructive criticism from fellow secretariat members to heart and felt discouraged as a result. However, I soon came to terms with the hard-hitting truth that listening to what others thought about my work was a crucial component of self-improvement, leading me to change for the better. In fact, the harsher the criticism got, the more I pushed myself to produce top-notch work, which turned me from an emotionally fragile person to someone more resilient, never buckling under pressure or negativity. Due to the collaborative nature of our tasks, my friends and I also began to communicate more openly, allowing me to better understand their ideals and personalities which strengthened our bond.

Although I encountered many unfamiliar things during this job, they helped with my personal growth and progress from a bumbling and nervous student to a proactive and well-prepared leader. For many of us, life is like a puzzle; the experiences we gather are the essential pieces we place together to reveal our hidden potential.

Any feedback would be appreciated!
Jean145   
Jan 15, 2019
Undergraduate / Driven / Debate Club - UBC Personal Profile - who you are [3]

I would suggest switching out the part about your mother finding you good-looking for something more significant and related to the question, so it would be better to pick a more concrete personal trait that makes you stand out from others rather than a superficial quality. For example, you could write about how your mother thinks you are extremely considerate and empathetic, that you put the needs and well-being of those around you in front of your own.

Another minor change I suggest you take into consideration is removing the term "satisfactorily" from the phrase "satisfactorily completed", since this could undermine the message you intend to get across, as that term could mean that you only do things up to a minimum standard or an average level.

Hopefully my feedback would help you improve your work.

It would be great if you could comment on mine too!
Jean145   
Jan 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2. Encouraging children to live separately from parents [3]

I think the overall content of this essay is fine, with the exception of a few grammatical and vocabulary errors:

"Despite I personally..." = "Despite the fact that children can receive some potential benefits from living with their parents, I personally..."
"provide with relevant examples" = "provide relevant examples"
"it is undoubtful" = "there is no doubt"
"as soon as an infant leaves..." = "as soon as a young adult leaves..."
"that are convinced infants..." = "who are convinced that young adults..."
"timespending"= "spending time"
'could nothing but contribute" = "could contribute"
"Additional benefit of" = "An additional benefit of"
"or pay off the student loan" = "or for paying off student loans"
"since only then can juveniles can stand on their own feet and become self-sufficient as well" = "since only then are juveniles able to stand on their own two feet and become self-sufficient"

That's about it for my feedback. Hope that would help.

I would really appreciate it if you could give feedback on my essay too!
Jean145   
Jan 15, 2019
Undergraduate / Statement of Intent (Loyola Marymount University Application, Fall 2019) [4]

Statement of intent: Please briefly state your reason for wishing to attend LMU and how you came to choose your academic program.
(The Common App only allows up to 750 characters in the answer space)


reasons for wishing to attend LMU



As an ambitious film student looking to broaden my horizons and refine my craft, I have chosen LMU not just for its dedication to providing experiential education, a Jesuit value that encourages students to apply knowledge they have learnt in the lecture hall to real-life scenarios which helps to redefine their learning experiences, but also for its diverse and open-minded community.

Although filmmaking was something I constantly did at a young age, I initially never planned to pursue it as a career. However, I rediscovered my passion for film and decided to seriously commit to the medium. By attending LMU, I aim to push creative boundaries and produce films that make audiences think beneath the surface, opening the door to new ideas.

Any feedback would be appreciated!
Jean145   
Jan 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS task 1 - the variation in types of food which, were consumed by Europian people [3]

The overall content of the writing piece is fine, except for a few grammatical errors:

"variation in types of food which, were consumed by Europian" = "various types of food consumed by citizens of a European country"
" how these Europe figures differed during a 5- year period" = "how these figures have changed in 5 years"
"while much smaller of fish had been consumed" = "while fish was consumed in smaller amounts"
"until the middle of the 1990s" = "until the mid-90s"
"a decrease was recorded for consuming three of the four types of food" = "a decrease in consumption was recorded for three of the four types of food"

"whereas poultry rose enormously" = "with the exception of poultry which saw an exponential increase"
"it is thought that around 250 grams of chicken were consumed" = "roughly 250 grams of chicken were consumed"
"hitting a low of 100 units and 75 grams" = "dropping drastically to 100 units and 75 grams respectively"
"fish was the least commonly used food" = "fish was consumed the least"

That's about it for my feedback. Hope that helps.

Would really appreciate it if you could comment on mine too!
Jean145   
Jan 16, 2019
Undergraduate / A New Light (Ringling College of Art and Design Application Essay) [4]

Thanks for the feedback. Personally I dislike word limits because they don't allow me to expand on some of my essay ideas. Is there anything I can cut out from the essay so that I could work on the shortcomings you have pointed out?
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