Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ppham2020
Name: Peter Pham
Joined: Nov 15, 2019
Last Post: Nov 23, 2019
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: Canada
School: Holy Cross Regional High School

Displayed posts: 5
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ppham2020   
Nov 15, 2019
Undergraduate / UBC Personal Profile: Who are you? One who has stepped out of their shell to become a leader [4]

Hey all, I'm feeling pretty iffy about my response to the first personal profile question for UBC. I am trying to emphasize the point that who I am revolves around my passion for serving others, and how I was able to get to that point.

Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

My teachers and friends describe me as a humble and determined person, always working hard to be the best version of myself. They find that I am always contributing in different ways to the school and community, despite the little recognition I get for my work. At home, my parents say that my independence has helped form me into the person who I am today, a "machine" that never breaks down despite the stress put on it by school, work, and life.

Yet, becoming this kind of person required that I step out of my sheltered life and into the real world. As an only child, I was accustomed to relying on my parents to do everything for me. When I entered high school, I was shy and afraid to get involved in volunteer positions. Seeing my friends taking part in such activities motivated me to join them, yet I didn't know what I could do to get involved. I started by entering various groups in and outside of school, sharing my skills and experiences with others. Little by little, I acquired leadership skills, allowing me to serve in more meaningful ways such as teaching catechism, leading a team of videographers, and sharing my academic knowledge to students through tutoring. I am proud of the journey I have taken to form the leader that I am today, as well as the little deeds which have developed a lasting impact on my life, as well as those whom I have served. (Word count: 250)

Thanks in advance for your help!
ppham2020   
Nov 15, 2019
Undergraduate / UBC personal essay:Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends... [4]

Overall, I feel that your essay hits all the points in terms of how others would describe you, yet the essay itself lacks real, meaningful examples that are tailored to your success as a leader and future student at UBC. I suggest you use a different example to show how your "daredevil" mindset has given you academic and personal success, instead of the summer job example. Spend some time reflecting on what you've learned from being a "daredevil," and not necesarrily what you've done.
ppham2020   
Nov 16, 2019
Undergraduate / Valuable person - UBC Personal Profile - Tell us about who you are [4]

Your essay has a lot of of focus on how others describe, yet lacks a bit of detail regarding examples of where those traits actually come into play. I suggest cutting down a little bit on how others would describe you, and replace it with examples to prove the point that you're hardworking.

Also, the last few sentences all start with "I am proud of the fact that..." Try adding sentence variety.
ppham2020   
Nov 17, 2019
Undergraduate / Quality and Consistency - UBC PERSONAL PROFILE ESSAY [3]

and ended my academic career on ...

Just as a technicality, some may perceive ending your academic career as literally ending your academic career. I suggest replacing academic career with school year

... describe me as an extrovert, persistent and ...

Here, you are using persistent as a noun, which is improper. Try saying "...would describe me as an extroverted and persistent student who loves to ..."

Overall, I like the points you made about how others view you, as well as integrating the Gold Medal into your accomplishments.
ppham2020   
Nov 23, 2019
Undergraduate / UBC Essay Prompt - The Best Friend [4]

In the second paragraph, try to condense the explanation of your circumstances and who you are. This aspect of your life should've been answered in the "Who are you" question. Work on explaining the difficulties you faced and the nature of your best friend in fewer sentences. With this in mind, you should have more space to write a meaningful conclusion, focusing on how it makes you a unique applicant to UBC.
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