Writing Feedback / 'eliminate discrimination'; Equal numbers of male and female students? [2]

Dear all,

Below is my essay about the topic "Univerities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extend to you agree or disagree?"/

Could you please help me to correct it? Thank you very much for your help.

Thanks,
Nhon

----------------------------------------------------------

Regarding to the idea that universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject, we can understand it by two different meanings. Firstly, it indicates that there is discrimination between male and female students and I agree that this is a bad aspect of a society. Secondly, the sentence can be understood that we should keep the balance between the number of male and female in universities and I disagree with this idea.

From my point of view, everyone has the right to study regardless they are men or women. This problem has been solved in the developed countries a long time ago so now you can see women in those countries can study whatever they wan and take many important positions including the Ministers, Presidents. However, the situation is quite contrast in the developing countries, especially the Muslim ones where the women must stay at home, deliver babies and take care them. As the result of this, women in these countries could not reach knowledge of the world and hence could not play the leading roles to change their fates.

By the other meaning, the number of men and women must be the same, I don't think this is a good idea because every subject has its own characteristics. For example, it seems that women are not suitable for technical subjects but they should study art, economics, etc. Another objection of this idea is that women by themselves don't want to study some subjects and cause the unbalance between men and women.

To sum up, we should reduce or even eliminate discrimination between men and women in universities. However, we still need to make it natural, meaning the number of men and women should depend on the needs of students but there shouldn't any force on it.

Writing Feedback / What is most important factor affect the characteristics of a person? [3]

Topic:
"Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.

Which do you consider to be the most major influence?"

Please help me to review and modify my below essay.

Thank you very much for your help,
Nhon

My essay:
In recent years, there are many researches related to the characteristics of people have been launched by the groups over the world. Some researchers reported that people are not influenced by the outside environment but the most major factor is the DNA inherited from their parents. However, in my opinion, this result does not sound correct for the below reasons.

Firstly, it is obviously that education does influence people on their personality and development. As can be seen from any newspapers, most of the serious criminals are uneducated people regardless where they were born, who their parents are. In addition, there are many criminals became good people after a couple of years educated in jail. With this reason, we parents should not discriminate our kids' friends just because he or she was born in a bad family because we can help them become better.

Secondly, I believe that the outside environment will affect people who live in that area. For example, children who were brought up in the countryside and cities have different characteristics even though they were born in the same place. Furthermore, adults also are influenced by their surrounding people. Let me as an example, when I first met my wife, we are quite different students because I was born in a small province while she was born and grew up in a big city. However, our characteristics are nearly the same after ten year communicate to each other.

To sum up, I think people are born with their own characteristics but they were changed by their education, living environment. As a result of this, everyone should always try his/her best to become a better person regardless whether his/her families was good of bad.

Writing Feedback / Co-operation and competition, which is better for children? [2]

Dear all,
I have an essay for the below topic. Please help me to review and correct it.
Thank you very much for your help.
Nhon

Topic:
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My essay:
Although education has been changed a lot from what it was since thousands of years ago, the spirit of co-operation are still kept and encouraged to develop in schools all over the world for years. However, schools also hold many competitions to choose the best ones among students. Some people think co-operation is better than competition while others think the other way. In my opinion, these terms are two aspects of the same object so they always go together and we can't split them out.

Physically, the most difference between people and other animals is that we live in society. As a result of this, everyone must contact with other ones, not only people in his/her family but also outside people such as his/her friends, colleagues. It is the reason why we have been studying about co-operation since we were children. As an example, until now I still remember my first lessons of my life such as sharing the toys, helping people. These lessons did help me a lot since they are always in my mind to prevent me from doing any bad thing.

In contrast, competition is another characteristic makes people and society become better. In order to archive a good position among people, everyone must study and work very hard and it does not only help himself/herself but also the whole society. Consequently, this ability is taught to children via the contests to help them prepare for a competitive society when they become adults. In fact, in my opinion, how to compete is an important subject people should study. It means we should help others in our way to improve ourselves instead of ruining people to reach our target.

In conclusion, co-operation and competition are two aspects of the same subject and they can't be separated. We should always try our best to achieve the target but remember to help others to make a better society.

Writing Feedback / Eastern countries; Should artists always be given the freedom to express ideas? [2]

Dear all,
Please help me to correct my essay about this topic.
Thank you very much for your help,
Nhon

Topic:
Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music or film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do.

To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?

Essay:
Nowadays, artists have received much more freedom than the previous generation had. However, some creative artists still request the government to relax the limit in order to help them to create more beautiful works. In my opinion, the governments should base on the cultures of their countries to modify the rules.

In Western countries, freedom is always put to top so the artists can express their own ideas in whichever they wish. As a result of this, there are many beautiful nude pictures and movies have been composed and widely accepted by most people in the world. However, freedom is also exploited by many bad artists to create a lot of non-value sexy products. To avoid this, I think the government should make the rules to distinguish between a beautiful work and a sexy one.

Conversely, Eastern countries, where there are many restrictions about arts, it is very difficult for artists to express their creative ideas to the movies and pictures. For example, many pictures about the beauty of women are strictly prohibited in Arab world. Since our world is changing day to day, I think those governments should relax the rules to help us to have more beautiful works about the Arab world.

In particularly, Vietnam has changed a lot and we are going to have the first nude exhibitions of Thai Phien, who has composed a great number of pictures related to Vietnamese women. After this exhibition, Vietnamese may change their views about nude pictures.

To sum up, I think any freedom has it own limit so the government should define the restrictions for the works of artists. Furthermore, these rules should be made based on the culture of each country because everyone, every country has a different view about the beauty.

Writing Feedback / Problems with bad student behavior - Solutions [3]

Hello everyone,

Please help me to correct my essay about the below topic:
Why do many schools have severe problems with student behaviour? What solutions can you suggest?

Thanks,
Nhon

---

Nowadays, most schools encounter the problem that their students make more and more trouble in school. There are many reasons causing this problem becomes more popular and severe.

Firstly, the children were not bad but it is because they were taught by bad school and family. Since the children are too young to distinguish between good and bad behavior, they copy all behavior from the surrounding people such as their parents and neighbors. Secondly, the students may become bad because they got some problem with some subjects and feel bored of studying. It is obviously that most bad behavior comes from students who also study badly.

In my opinion, there is no common solution to make every student better. However, the schools must analyze every case and have appropriate actions. For example, if a student did bad behavior because of his bad scores, we may help by having teacher or friends teach him and explain what he has not understood. If the bad behavior comes from a student's characteristic, we should let him take an important role, such as leading position, of his class. This will help because with this new position, that student may think that he is a useful student and consequently, he will avoid trouble to keep the position and make the class better. If a student is affected by his family, we should have a meeting with his parents and ask them to corporate with school to make their child better. This solution will work because every parents love their children and want the best thing to them.

To sum up, there are many reasons make the bad behavior of the students. To completely solve this problem, we must investigate to understand the behind causes of each case and have appropriate actions against them. I would like to emphasize that everyone is good when they were born.