Dear all,
Below is my essay about the topic "Univerities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extend to you agree or disagree?"/
Could you please help me to correct it? Thank you very much for your help.
Thanks,
Nhon
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Regarding to the idea that universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject, we can understand it by two different meanings. Firstly, it indicates that there is discrimination between male and female students and I agree that this is a bad aspect of a society. Secondly, the sentence can be understood that we should keep the balance between the number of male and female in universities and I disagree with this idea.
From my point of view, everyone has the right to study regardless they are men or women. This problem has been solved in the developed countries a long time ago so now you can see women in those countries can study whatever they wan and take many important positions including the Ministers, Presidents. However, the situation is quite contrast in the developing countries, especially the Muslim ones where the women must stay at home, deliver babies and take care them. As the result of this, women in these countries could not reach knowledge of the world and hence could not play the leading roles to change their fates.
By the other meaning, the number of men and women must be the same, I don't think this is a good idea because every subject has its own characteristics. For example, it seems that women are not suitable for technical subjects but they should study art, economics, etc. Another objection of this idea is that women by themselves don't want to study some subjects and cause the unbalance between men and women.
To sum up, we should reduce or even eliminate discrimination between men and women in universities. However, we still need to make it natural, meaning the number of men and women should depend on the needs of students but there shouldn't any force on it.
Greetings!
I'd be happy to give you some editing advice for your essay.
Regarding =[delete "to"] the idea that universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject,
everyone has the right to study regardless of whether they are men or women.
so now you can see women in those countries can study whatever they want and take many important positions including [delete "the"] Ministers and Presidents. However, the situation is a quite contrast in the developing countries,
women in these countries could not reach knowledge of the world - this is a rather awkward phrase; better would be "women in these countries do not have access to education"
it seems that women are not suitable for technical subjects - I don't think you meant to make a sexist comment, but you did! Don't say "not suitable"; this means women aren't capable of doing it. I think you meant to say that there are statistically fewer women who are interested in the hard sciences and technology.
Best of luck in your studies!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssyForum.com
