kunalsikri
Jun 2, 2020
Writing Feedback / Some people today spend too much money on their phone. What do you think? [2]
I am preparing for IELTS as well and having hard time for correction so I would suggest you as much I can.
Further, my analysis.
I believe you should stick to certain ideas and elaborate them rather than introducing new idea.
As an example, I would have wrote below points for para1 and para 2, you can write the same way and just elaborate them.
T is Topic, S is support sentence for the topic, E is an example and R is a result of previous statements.
Body 1
T: professional advantage
S: certain features come with more price
E: a professional photographer needs better phone
R: can earn more
Body2
T: more features and ruggedness
S: outdoor adventures
E: waterproof phones
I am preparing for IELTS as well and having hard time for correction so I would suggest you as much I can.
Further, my analysis.
I believe you should stick to certain ideas and elaborate them rather than introducing new idea.
As an example, I would have wrote below points for para1 and para 2, you can write the same way and just elaborate them.
T is Topic, S is support sentence for the topic, E is an example and R is a result of previous statements.
Body 1
T: professional advantage
S: certain features come with more price
E: a professional photographer needs better phone
R: can earn more
Body2
T: more features and ruggedness
S: outdoor adventures
E: waterproof phones