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Posts by kunalsikri [Suspended]
Name: kunal sikri
Joined: Jun 2, 2020
Last Post: Jun 3, 2020
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  
From: India
School: Fanshawe

Displayed posts: 7
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kunalsikri   
Jun 2, 2020
Writing Feedback / Some people today spend too much money on their phone. What do you think? [2]

I am preparing for IELTS as well and having hard time for correction so I would suggest you as much I can.

Further, my analysis.
I believe you should stick to certain ideas and elaborate them rather than introducing new idea.
As an example, I would have wrote below points for para1 and para 2, you can write the same way and just elaborate them.
T is Topic, S is support sentence for the topic, E is an example and R is a result of previous statements.

Body 1
T: professional advantage
S: certain features come with more price
E: a professional photographer needs better phone
R: can earn more

Body2

T: more features and ruggedness
S: outdoor adventures
E: waterproof phones
kunalsikri   
Jun 2, 2020
Writing Feedback / Recently, abortion increases rapidly and becomes a controversial topic [IELTS] [3]

Recently, abortion increases rapidly and becomes a controversial topic.


Some people suppose that abortion should be legal while others are against it.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


In the recent years, there are has been rise in numbers of women aborting the unborn child. While some people believe that abortion itself should be banned, However, I would argue that abortion should be made legal but only in certain cases. In this essay, I will discuss both sides and elaborate my opinion.

On the one side, there is view that abortion should be illegal due to number of problems, one of most important being unborn child's sex preference. This is a problem because, there has been huge fall in population of female in certain countries as certain illiterate people prefer to give birth to a boy over a girl and do not hesitate to murder the unborn just for sake of choice. As an example, in country India, 1 Million female fetus have been aborted in last decade as the mother's preferred to give birth to a boy and this female fetus abortion number is continuously rising every single day.

Nevertheless, in my opinion abortion should be made legal but only in certain cases. Not everyone is ready to give birth to a child. For instance, there have been several cases in which minors were raped, which lead them to pregnancy. As per the research there is higher chance of unborn loosing life during delivery if the mother is minor. In addition, as it is increasingly common for teenagers these days to have pre-marital physical relationship with their partners and certain times under the influence of alcohol or emotions they end up with pregnancy burdens. Which is a problem, the only solution to this is abortion as minors cannot be pushed to give birth when they themselves are not experienced and settled in their lives.

In conclusion, While some people abortion to be banned to issues like female feticide, I argue that it should be made legal but only in certain situations where the mother is not mentally and physically prepared to give birth to the child.
kunalsikri   
Jun 2, 2020
Writing Feedback / Every country should have a free health service even if this means that the latest medical treatment [10]

I read it and as per my restricted knowledge, You are using too much vocab!
Please don't try to use so much vocab assuming you will gain extra points of it. if you had used some common but not so common words, this essay will be very much better.

For example, I would put intro as below(I am assuming question to be " Every country should have a free health service even if this means that the latest medical treatment is costly, what is your view)

There is not doubt that healthcare is the most important agenda of any country. There is a view that it should be made available for free to all citizens without any restrictions, I would argue that medical support should be made free to a certain extent. In this essay, I will elaborate my opinion with examples.
kunalsikri   
Jun 3, 2020
Writing Feedback / Every country should have a free health service even if this means that the latest medical treatment [10]

@Bhavi
Hi,

Please have a look on the documents which is used for IELTS corrections.
Lexical resources is the category which includes vocabulary and as per lot of high ranked Ielts teachers on sites like Liz, Ieltsteacher.com and so on, it get easy for the marking officer to detect that your vocab is not to fill the space but to attract them, so it negates more then helping. It leaves the impression on officer that you most likely have overdone it and used incorrect synonyms.
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