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Every country should have a free health service even if this means that the latest medical treatment

Bhavi 2 / 6  
Jun 2, 2020   #1

Basic right to receive health services

An individual's health plays an indispensable part of nation's prosperity which is why it is cited by many that medical services should be of no charge irrespective of its quality.I partially agree with this. As I postulate, that general basic medical care should be free from charges. However ,some advanced treatment which are pivotal should not be compromised only due to monetary aspects.

Undoubtedly, in every country there are class of people whose financial situation are not well enough that they afford even rudimentary consultation charges of doctors.This lead to economic deprived people not seeking medical treatment. So either there situation get worse due to no medication or if it's contagious then wide spread of disease occur.In both cases, this perilous situation proves catastrophic not only for that person but also for nation. Hence, to mitigate this condition, it is advisable to give fundamental treatment without asking for money from patient.

To shade some light on other perspective, this contemporary aeon have witnessed new fatal diseases such as: cancer aids, endocrine disorders, and so forth.For a diagnostic and prognostic purpose, latest equipment and medicine is required.As New Armamentarium's price is exorbitantly high, for authorities to pay for this or to exclude this facilities from needy people is cumbersome.So, bureaucrat should find some alternative options , like various schemes or discount to muddle through this state of turmoil.

Thus, to recapitulate this essay, although for many healthy and taxpayers citizens this idea me seem trivial albeit , to view things on wider scale , it is basic right for any human being to take health services. Nonetheless, it should be in proper way otherwise it will be like blessings in disguise.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,939 3570  
Jun 2, 2020   #2
The problem with your point of view is that you still did not come to a solid conclusion or decision with regards to the question provided. To what extent do you agree OR disagree? By the end of your discussion, you should be agreeing or disagreeing with the given point of view. You are scored based on your ability to make a decision and defend your opinion based on the extent of your knowledge regarding the topic.

The extent of your knowledge will be scored based on the following discussion portions or reasoning paragraphs (in no particular order):

- Your personal knowledge that will support your given position (extent of agreement or disagreement. Pick one only)
- The commonly known information that you can present which further supports your point of view. (One point of view only that corresponds to the response you gave (extent of dis/agreement)

The essay is testing your ability to use various words that will depict your range of vocabulary based on the given discussion instruction. It also assess your ability to analyze a complicated question. This essay is the most confusing for students to write because they always refuse to take a clear position on the given topic. A clear position is based on a singular point of view. All agree or disagree essays are single point of view presentations. These are 4 paragraph essays that require you to learn how to make a decision and discuss it based on reasons, examples, and opinions (both public and personal) in a cohesive and coherent manner in the essay. Your essay failed to do that.
OP Bhavi 2 / 6  
Jun 2, 2020   #3
Thank you so much for your guidance.. I will definitely improve..
chinhsy2 3 / 4  
Jun 2, 2020   #4
You did not give the full demand of the essay, therefore making it hard to determine whether you're on topic or not. If it was an agree/disagree kind of essay, then yours is not on point since you didn't give your opinion.

Also. on the first line of the second body paragraph, I think you were meant to say "To shed some light..." rather than "To shade some light ....".

Hope this helps.
OP Bhavi 2 / 6  
Jun 2, 2020   #5
Yes of course! It was my mistake, thanks for correcting it 😇
kunalsikri 1 / 6  
Jun 2, 2020   #6
I read it and as per my restricted knowledge, You are using too much vocab!
Please don't try to use so much vocab assuming you will gain extra points of it. if you had used some common but not so common words, this essay will be very much better.

For example, I would put intro as below(I am assuming question to be " Every country should have a free health service even if this means that the latest medical treatment is costly, what is your view)

There is not doubt that healthcare is the most important agenda of any country. There is a view that it should be made available for free to all citizens without any restrictions, I would argue that medical support should be made free to a certain extent. In this essay, I will elaborate my opinion with examples.
OP Bhavi 2 / 6  
Jun 3, 2020   #7
@kunalsikri isn't it good to use high vocabulary?!
kunalsikri 1 / 6  
Jun 3, 2020   #8

Please have a look on the documents which is used for IELTS corrections.
Lexical resources is the category which includes vocabulary and as per lot of high ranked Ielts teachers on sites like Liz, Ieltsteacher.com and so on, it get easy for the marking officer to detect that your vocab is not to fill the space but to attract them, so it negates more then helping. It leaves the impression on officer that you most likely have overdone it and used incorrect synonyms.
OP Bhavi 2 / 6  
Jun 3, 2020   #9
Okay,, will review those sites and will simplify in next essay ..
thanks for your help 😇
kunalsikri 1 / 6  
Jun 3, 2020   #10
Thank you.
Please feel free to review mistakes on my essay ;)

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