Writing Feedback / Ielts: In some places, teenagers are motivated to get part-time jobs while they are still in school [4]

part-time job for teenagers

Topic:In some places, teenagers are encouraged to get part-time jobs while they are still in school.
Do the advantages of teenagers working outweigh the disadvantages?

I am going to take the ielts exam at the end of this month.So I really want you to help me correct this essay.Thanks in advance.

Here is my essay:

It is true that these days more part-time jobs are stimulated for adolescents to pick up while they are still in school in many places. Despite some obvious advantages of this issue, I would argue that these are outweighed by the disadvantages.

On the one hand, there are two major benefits when teenagers take a part-time work. Firstly, starting to work at a young age prepares children more adequately for adult life. It teaches them how to react and behave in situations they would not encounter at home or at school. For example, many teenagers with a part-time job can easily adapt to life compare to the others. Secondly, children often have to work part-time to help their parents make end meet which also makes them appreciate the value of hard work and money.

On the other hand, I believe that the drawbacks are more than such advantages. One reason for this view is that children could not possibly do a job with school duties and extracurricular activities. If teenagers have to work part-time, their study could not be totally concentrated which leads to a poor academic result later. Besides, having to work and go to school at the same time would greatly reduce the amount of time children can spend with their parents or their friends. Another reason is that adolescents are vulnerable and can be easily exploited by employers. In some developing countries, children do manual labour under terrible conditions that can be a severe problem to their health.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the disadvantages of part-time job for teenagers are more significant the the advantages.

Writing Feedback / Vegetarianism is better for everyone's health because there is no meat in such diet [5]

Topic: Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet.

Do you agree or disagree?

It is a common belief that becoming vegetarian is better for everyone's health because there is no meat in their diet. Although meat brings a lot of nutrients, I personally agree with the idea becoming vegetarian and have no meat in diet.

On the one hand, vegetables give us adequate nutrition to support our bodies. A well-planned vegetarian diet contains all the nutrients that we need. It is naturally high in fibre and low in saturated fats, which can help to prevent cancer. Vegetarian also reduce the risk of heart diseases due to the fat in meat. For example, many vegetables are great sources of vitamins and mineral such as vitamin A,E as well as calcium. Therefore, instead of eating many kind of food to get these vitamins, everyone only need to eat these vegetables.

On the other hand, having vegetarian diet and stopping to eat meat can improve the environment as well. It is high time people stopped killing animals necessarily. Growing vegetables and cereals for ourselves rather than for cattle will greatly reduce the human impact on the environment. For instance, livestock farming has a vast environmental footprint. It contributes to land and water degradation which can lead to biodiversity loss,acid rain and deforestation. Nowhere is this impact more apparent than climate change-livestock farming contribute a noticeable proportion of human produced greenhouse gas emissions worldwide.

In conclusion, I believe that vegetarian diet is better for everyone because of its nutrition, and having no meat in our diet also help to improve the environment.