Writing Feedback / Whether it is better to work as a team than as an individual to succeed [4]

Hi! I'm practicing for the Toefl writing task 2. Please help me review my essay. Many thanks for your comments!

Topic:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

It is better to work as a team than as an individual to succeed.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My essay:

There are a variety of ways in which people can approach works. However, in my opinion, working in a group is more advantageous than working individually. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, when it comes to addressing problems, teamwork enables us to produce effective and diverse solutions. Since each person views the problem from different angles, having a large number of people working together means having more creative ways to solve the issue, which brings benefits to the whole group. For instance, in my business class, when I and my classmates were assigned to work on a projects regarding how to cope with economic crisis, we gathered together and worked as a team to figure out the answers. We had five people in total, each member in the group came up with a method to overcome the obstacles. As a result, our group has eventually produced many creative ways to deal with the problem and achieved a high score. If I worked on this task by myself, I would not be able to finish the task such successfully.

Secondly, teamwork is also important when we encounter difficulties during working process. People in the group are willing to offer help whenever one member runs into troubles. Take my experience as an example, when our team was conducting some experiments in a physics class, I had a hard time understanding and operating a machine. Fortunately, one of my friends in the group gave me elaborate instructions and kindly showed me the way to properly use that equipment. Thanks to his assistance, I was able to complete the task quickly and effectively. That is how colaborating as a team can help us succeed.

In conclusion, I believe that we should always work in a group rather than on our own, for it not only helps increase effeciency and effectiveness of the task, but also benefits us in case we face unexpected problems while working.

Writing Feedback / Whether smartphones have caused more harm than good to our society. [6]

Hi! I'm practicing for the Toefl writing task 2. Please help me review my essay. Thank you!

Topic :
DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT?
Smartphones have caused more harm than good to our society.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My essay:

With the developement of modern technology in this day and age, smartphones has become increasingly popular in society. However, whether this equipment has a positive or negative influence on our life remains controversial. In my opinon, its drawbacks far outweights its advantages. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, smartphones pose a threat to human's health. Spending too much time on this gadget can adversly affect our eyes in the long run. Take my younger brother as an example, instead of hanging out with friends or participating in outdoor activities, he spent most of his spare time texting, playing games or surfing the net on his smartphone. It appeared that he was addicted to the phone. As a result, after a long time, he suffered from several serious vision issues, such as dry eyes or short-sightedness. He regretted having used smartphone in an uncontrolled way. That is the reason why this tool is harmful and we should be careful when using it.

Second, smartphones also reduce communication and interaction among people. Nowadays, teenagers have a tendency to stick to their phone screen even when their friends are around. Due to the presence of smartphones, youngsters are less likely to have face to face conversation with people around them. For instance, one time I had a meeting with my old classmates from highschool. We gathered in a coffee, however, instead of talking, exchanging information, sharing stories or recalling memories together, everybody seemed to be distracted by their phones. We did not pay attention to the subject of the talk and wasted our times dealing with personal things on the phones. Hence, there seemed to be an unvisual barrier between us.

In conclusion, I believe that smartphones adversely impact our society, for they not only cause damage to our health, but also reduce interactive activities among people.

Writing Feedback / Whether people should choose high paid jobs that they dislike or low-paid jobs that they enjoy. [4]

Hi! Here is my Toefl writing task 2 essay. Please help me review it. Thank you!

Topic:

DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT?

It is better for people to choose jobs that come with high salaries even though they do not enjoy doing it than to choose jobs that they enjoy but come with low salaries.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My essay:

There are many factors that need taking into account when making a career choice, including salary and personal interests. Nevertheless, whether people should pursue a well-paid job that they dislike or a low-paid job that they are passionate about remains controversial. In my opinion, chasing our dream jobs is always better even if they offer low wages. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, following the job that we have no interest in reduces our chances of stepping up the career ladder. If we do not love the job, we are likely to give a poor performance in the workplace and not being able to achieve the highest level of personal productivity. Working environment is highly competitive and people with passion and dedication for the same job can easily outshine us. They produce better outcomes at work and make better impressions on the manager. Employers prefer someone with willingness and capability to complete the work efficiently and effectively. Consequently, those with no interest for the job face the risk of being passed over for promotion.

Secondly, people choosing a job that they do not enjoy may suffer from pressure and job-dissatisfaction. The majority of our time during the day is spent on work. Hence, having to deal with tasks and projects that we find boring can cause us to feel stressed and discouraged. Take my uncle as an example, in order to cope with financial burden, he decided to choose a job that offers a high salary even though he did not enjoy. It was demanding and my uncle had to work very hard. As a result, he did not derive any pleasure from his job. Sometimes, he even stayed up all night to meet the deadline, which was extremely unpleasant. Having to struggle with works that he does not enjoy made him feel irritated and upset.

In conclusion, I believe that people should pursue a career that they love despite the low salary rather than a high-paid job that they dislike. Otherwise, they not only have less opportunity of promoting to higher positions but also suffer from job-dissatisfaction.