Posts by xkq0802

xkq0802

Nov 18, 2020

Letters / Letter to express my interest in studying at University under Stipendium Hungaricum Scholarship [5]

I think it would be better if your letter is more focused and organised with all details. It is quite difficult to follow up and picture who you are and what you want from this letter. Maybe you can simplify it by stating why you think you are the best candidate for the scholarship: reason 1, reason 2, reason 3, etc.

xkq0802

Nov 18, 2020

Undergraduate / The most important thing to me is family - UBC Personal Statement [3]

What is important to you? And why?

(250 words)

"The most important thing to me is family. This is because family members are the people that a person can trust the most in their life. Just as a tall and mighty building will need a strong foundation, I need my family as a foundation for me to build upon and achieve my goals. I believe that behind every successful person there is a lot of people behind the scene who is responsible for their success. I am very reliant on my family; they are the reason why I am here today. Everything that I have achieved, done or made would never be possible without the people who are unconditionally watching my back ever since I was born. However, I will acknowledge the fact my family is a caring and supporting one; and I am not naive to the fact that it is not the case for everyone. Some grow up in troubled households which push them into a life of crime and let whatever potential they might have to go to waste. Therefore, I believe that a strong and loving family requires stability, a strong sense of belonging in the community, and the willingness to make the world a safer and better place for future generations. Conclusively, the idea of family is a personification of love and caring, an important factor behind a person's future, and is the centerpiece of everything that I hold dear in my heart."

Thank you in advance for your comments

xkq0802

Nov 18, 2020

Writing Feedback / THE GRAPH BELOW SHOWS ELECTRICITY PRODUCTION (IN TERAWATT HOURS) IN FRANCE BETWEEN 1982 AND 2012 [4]

I think your writing is concise but lack of cohesive. It describes the graph in details with good grammar. It would be better if you can have a transition between paragraphs.

xkq0802

Nov 18, 2020

Undergraduate / A creative family - What is important to you? And why? UBC APPLICATION [3]

Hi, I'm struggling with the same question, too. So I guess, it may be a little odd to give comment here. However, I still think that it's better to exchange idea. In my opinion, your essay is about creativity, not family creativity so you should eliminate the "creative family" word. You may want to elaborate how family affects your value of creativity.

xkq0802

Nov 19, 2020

Undergraduate / The most important thing to me is family - UBC Personal Statement [3]

@Holt thank you so much for your comment. I'll work on other things that I value which play important role in my life and my direction.

xkq0802

Nov 20, 2020

Writing Feedback / The view that providing free public transport could resolve traffic jams [4]

Hi, I think you should double check your essay for grammar mistakes. There are quite many mistakes in there. For example: it is "argue", etc. Besides, the topic asked you "to what extent do you agree or disagree" and didn't ask you "what solutions".

xkq0802

Nov 20, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The report, based on graphs, regarding US charity for children [3]

I think you cover all features of the charts. However, it would be better if you could draw certain conclusion or explanation after describing and comparing those 2 charts. Maybe you should pay attention to the use of your tenses as well.

xkq0802

Nov 21, 2020

Undergraduate / My future after high school graduation - Help With Clearly Expressing My Personal Qualities [3]

It's quite difficult to follow your essay. I think it would be better if you could be more concise. I also think it's not strong enough to convince the reviewer that you're the right candidate. I didn't see many positive words, which I was told that the reviewer would look for. I didn't see you mentioned your accomplishment, too.

xkq0802

Nov 23, 2020

Essays / What is the most important thing - Question about topic? [3]

What is important to you? And why?

(250 words)

I would like to ask your comment on the topic that I am going to choose. There are couple of values that I really want to talk about. I wrote about "perseverance" but then I think it is too cliche. I'm also thinking of "compassion" as the most important value in my life, both compassion for myself and compassion for others. But I'm not sure if it would be too broad or too cliche. If I narrowed it down to "compassion for myself" in the context of a student life, would it answer the prompt?

Thank you in advance for your suggestion.

xkq0802

Nov 23, 2020

Essays / What is the most important thing - Question about topic? [3]

Thank you Holt for your critical comment. They all reflect the values that crucial to me, but I guess I am a bit confusing now while trying to present the most important one in a narrative way.