Undergraduate / Common App Short A. - Metaphorical significance or tangible significance? [4]

Hi!

Prompt: common app short answer; In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

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I'm not sure whether or not I should go for:
1. the more metaphorical kind of answer;basically, saying just what playing the djembe means to me personally
2. how my djembe playing affected others or where I served. In this one, I did try to squeeze some of that "personal meaning" in there...but it seems totally unfocused.

below are the respective drafts;

1. Several guys standing nearby smirked - they found the sight of me carrying a giant, African hand-drum an oddity.
Five years ago, I was initially hesitant to take up the instrument; though I loved percussion, who had ever heard of a girl, and a short, Asian one at that, playing the djembé? But that very notion spurred my desire to learn.

Today, I play for my church's services, children's program, and youth group praise team. I also play the djembé on short term mission trips to Brooklyn and the Dominican Republic. This is my third year serving on my youth group's praise team. I've noticed, with delight, the growing number of girls learning the djembé. Many of them had noticed me, the sole female percussionist on the team. I've been able to teach or encourage them to pursue whatever instrument they choose. For some, it is a hobby. For me, the throbbing of the drum is much more than the rhythmic pulse of a song; it is the vehicle/medium by which I define myself in the sight and hearing of all others.

2. I heard a snicker. A group of guys smirked at me - they found the sight of a diminutive, Asian girl carrying a giant hand-drum an oddity. I set my jaw, sat on a boulder nearby, deposited the djembé on the ground, and began to play. They fell silent.

Five years ago, I had been hesitant to take up the instrument; I loved music and had a knack for rhythm, but who had ever heard of a girl, and a short, Asian one at that, playing the djembé? But that very notion spurred my desire to learn.

The throbbing of the drum is much more than the rhythmic pulse of a song; it is the medium by which I define myself in the sight and hearing of all others. The drum beats are my feelings, my expressions of personality beyond the stereotypes for all to hear. Just as the djembé can beautifully enhance songs most would assume percussion is incompatible with, so do I seek to challenge assumptions and surprise people, through the shades of sound produced by the pounding of the drum.

Both a bit on the long side/180 word mark.
Any critiques or advice or suggestions are very much appreciated! Tear it apart :D

Grammar, Usage / "peer WHO or peer THAT"? [3]

"I would rather learn among peers THAT are friendly"
or
"I would rather learn among peers WHO are friendly"?

Also, is it bad if at the end of a 1st person (not very formal) essay, I incorporate a lesson that I learn and end by saying something about the opportunies "we" (not I) have to apply this lesson?

Undergraduate / Statement - I come to Brooklyn to teach these kids [4]

I see. Thanks!

below is my essay..the statement in question is the very last.

Someone once said that children are little, adorable personifications of innocence. Fat little cherubs gilded with gentleness and goodness. Well, whoever said that has clearly never taught fifth-graders.

"Miss Christine? Miss Christine?" a little girl whispered hesitantly, as she tugged at my shirt. It was the middle of the Brooklyn Music Camp's morning rehearsal. Her whisper was nearly drowned out by the singing of forty boys and girls aged 9 to 12. My back was to her - I had been helping a little boy next to me read the song lyrics. I shifted and turned to see her wide-eyed, anxious face.

"Miss Christine, I think Jackie and Kevin are fighting," she said, still in that same hesitant whisper. My eyes widened, and I looked to the middle of the row of children behind me to see two fifth-grade boys swinging and kicking at each other, approximately twenty feet away. Jackie and Kevin were so engrossed in fighting with each other that they had exchanged blows without uttering a single sound from their mouths. I think I might have flown the distance, and I immediately stood between the two as a human barrier. Lord help me, I thought grimly, if this is what the second day of music camp looks like, I sure don't want to see the third.

When I complained loudly to fellow camp counselors that afternoon, they nodded sympathetically. After all, I was the counselor who had "the Three Musketeers" in my group; each was like a migraine. Put any two of them together (like Jackie and Kevin), and you've got the equivalent of a water-boarding experience. Add the third, and you produce a highly unstable hydrogen bomb. They're only simple, raucous boys living in the Asian part of Brooklyn, I grumped.

Until my team leader cleared her throat at the team debrief and began to discuss the five "problem kids" in the camp, three of which were my musketeers. In a quiet voice, she related the miserable family background of each of them. The entire room of counselors fell silent. I would behave a lot worse than my musketeers had if I was traded off annually between inhospitable strangers, or abandoned to live alone in Brooklyn for an entire month. The behavior of my musketeers was nowhere as bad as I would have expected from kids with their backgrounds.

I felt sick inside, aghast as I mentally replayed my condescending behavior towards Jackie, Kevin, and Stephen. Overwhelmed and ashamed, my eyes filled when I failed to recall an instance in which I had treated them with the love they had never received from their families. Their unruly behavior bore no underlying malice or bitterness. In spite of their sobering experiences, they were still uncomplicated children.

I had always prided myself on refusing to let people define or label me, delighting in the liberty I had in creating my own image, free of stereotypes. But here, I had labeled the kids based on a mere two days of limited interaction - who they were, and what their limits were. I had become one of those people I'd previously condemned for stereotyping.

I resolved to start over with an open mind. With new eyes, rid of the cataracts of prejudice, I could clearly see my kids for who they were: precious, feisty, children who deserved credit for rising above broken homes and broken families. When they saw that I was proud of them, they grew to respect and love me. As the days passed, they began to share with me their jokes, their little secrets, and their hugs.

I had come to Brooklyn to teach these kids; instead, I had become their student. They taught me their special version of "chopsticks" (complete with imaginary flamethrowers) and the most powerful Yu-Gi-Oh cards. But the lesson they had unknowingly imparted to me was a humbling reminder about a concept I thought I had already mastered: everyone has a story. Everyone is a story, not simply a "misfit", "migraine", or "musketeer". There are triumphs and difficulties unique to each person, and lessons I can glean from them, regardless of the gilded or worn exteriors of the covers of their narratives. Everywhere we turn, they are just waiting to be heard.

Grammar, Usage / Grammar question: More knowledgeable than "I" or "me"? [9]

"This problem has occupied the minds of experts vastly more knowledgeable than I"
Should it be "more knowledgeable than me"?
I've said both out loud dozens of times and cannot remember which is the grammatically correct one.
Thank you!