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Posts by pekingduck
Joined: Oct 30, 2009
Last Post: Jan 17, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 8
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pekingduck   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay-- A Train Ride In Japan [3]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I climbed up the worn stairs. I was sweating from heat and anxiety. Surrounded by a horde of unfamiliar faces, I stood on the platform waiting for the train. I couldn't understand what anyone around me was saying; I couldn't read the signs surrounding me. I was nervous, but I tried to act as if I belonged. I began to wonder if anyone could look through my attempt to act like a regular on this train.

I was extremely afraid. My parents never allowed me to go anywhere alone in my small town back at home. Now I was alone in a city in Japan. The sights and sounds filled me with terror. I had only used the sub way a couple times as a child when I had visited the city with my parents. I wasn't sure how I would survive on my own. I was used to someone holding my hand through life. This seemed like a bad social experiment to see how well I could hold up on my own.

As the train halted to a stop and people stepped aboard, I found a seat. A wave of relief crashed over me as I realized I could just look outside the window and clearly identify my stop. As the train began to move again, I realized that all the stops looked the same. But panic overtook me again. I took a deep breath and I began to count each station we stopped at. I remembered I had been told to get off at the fifth stop, Okayama Station.

I looked around at the array of people in my compartment. Their faces were relaxed and indifferent. They rode the train every day. They just suggested how naive I was.

I never thought much about my train ride in Japan, until I returned home. I realized that that train ride was the first time I had ever been completely alone. I was granted total freedom for 20 minutes. I had nobody telling me what to do. I had to rely on my own judgments and decisions. I was free.

After that first train ride, life seemed easier. I had finally gained courage. I walked taller and looked people in the eyes a little longer. Major changes in my life didn't occur because of this one ride, but it opened my eyes to the world around me. I learned that I didn't need to be guided around as a child anymore, because I was more than capable of taking hold of my life.

There is so much to see in the world. I can't allow myself to be limited. I have realized that to overcome your fears, you must face them head on. Once you have done that, you can conquer anything.
pekingduck   
Oct 31, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay-- A Train Ride In Japan [3]

Over the summer I went to Japan and I was staying with a Japanese host family. I had to ride the train alone to school.

Thank you so much for your suggestions! They were very helpful.
pekingduck   
Dec 2, 2009
Undergraduate / The Essay Qualifies the Requirement? - U of Central Florida's Applicant [3]

In today's world and civilization, knowledge and experience are never to be apart when participating in particular activities and are assumed as two of the most important qualities human life.

In today's world and civilization, knowledge and experience are never to be apart when participating in particular activities. They are assumed to be two of the most important qualities within human life.

Growing up in a developing country and currently studying in the U.S, I have been affected by both the cultures of Asia and America.

Since I grew up in a developing country in Asia, and I am currently studying in the U.S., I have been affected by both cultures.

It does not sound somewhat huge but simply to help people meet their needs and to comfort them is to achieve a good life.
It doesn't sound like it is a large accomplishment, but to help comfort people and meet their needs...
I'm not quite sure what you were trying to say there.

You have a good start! Good luck.
pekingduck   
Dec 4, 2009
Undergraduate / Rice Supplemental: Choice of of academic study: Am I clear and concise? [4]

Management of environmental resources to protect human health and the eco systems that support life is one of the most significant challenges that faces society. With a commitment to the understanding of these challenges and strategies related to protecting the environment, I look forward to my studies at the George R. Brown School of Engineering.

I fixed a few things for you that you might have overlooked.

The small class size, reputation for academic excellence and a commitment to leadership is the catalyst for my applying to Rice for a career in environmental engineering.

That part sounds a little awkward.

Overall, your answer to the prompt is extremely well-written.
pekingduck   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / "Single-eyed giant" - WoW essay: good or bad? [21]

Your essay is fantastic! It's incredibly unique and the imagery in the first paragraph is wonderful. I love how you compare yourself to your character.
pekingduck   
Jan 16, 2010
Undergraduate / Personal statement-"My failure" [4]

My dreams of fulfilling my parents hopes, were dashed to pieces.
... Norman Anderson that stated, "If you want to lift yourself up, lift someone else up."
I started to assist my Student Government teacher with leadership class, and began to counsel students who suffered academically and emotionally.
I conducted workshops and games designed to help thesethose students build better leadership and communication skills. I incorporated my perceived failure into one of the workshops,where we discussed overcoming adversities.

Disappointmentsdoesdo not always have to be viewed in a negative light, but can be used as a form of motivation and inspiration, just as I attempted to use mine.

Instead of walking around with a dark cloud casted over my head, I hadhave decided to transform this cloud it into a ray of sunlight. It was the sense ofThe maturity and sensibleness that I gained was priceless.

... my transition into the adult world was smothersmoother .

This is a good essay :) I love how you took your loss and turned it into a learning experience.
pekingduck   
Jan 16, 2010
Undergraduate / "Life of Pi" by Yann Martel, Short Answer - your most recent summer vacation [3]

This past summer, I read one of my favorite books;, "Life of Pi" by Yann Martel. After yelling my throat dry on roller coasters at Six Flags, I went on a road trip to Chicago came next. There,While in Chicago, I enjoyed fun-filled days with my ten cousins. We laughed at our embarrassing moments captured on ancient home videos, andthen we proceeded to create new ones, as we ran around, dripping wet after water fights.

You don't have to use what I added on your last sentence. I think you should cut out the running around part or try to make it blend somehow :p
pekingduck   
Jan 17, 2010
Undergraduate / Eugene Lang- Tell us a time you were the minority [4]

It was 4:30 pm on a Friday afternoon. I was searching for a lane at the grocery store to buy mini apple tarts. The store was crowded, and the lines were long, it was an unpleasant situation. As I darted towards cashier number one, I accidently ran into an elderly woman's shopping cart. I repeatedly apologized and began to turn a bright shade of red. She turned her head slightly, and preceded to give me a dirty look that sent shivers up my spine. As she wheeled away, I heard her mutter in a disgusted voice, "Go back to your own country." I stood in shock.

Do you have any suggestions to what I should add or change? Thanks in advance!
The max. is 250 words, I've only used 106.
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