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Posts by tonythetiger
Joined: Nov 21, 2009
Last Post: Nov 26, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 14  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 16
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tonythetiger   
Nov 21, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt #2 - Listening to chinese music and how it's inspired me [13]

Prompt #2 (all applicants)

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Among my personal experiences, the most important to me was going through my parents' music albums. About twelve years ago I listened to Wakin Chou's album and song, "Peng You." After listening, I began to become more interested in Chinese music and more importantly, culture and heritage. Shortly after listening to the album, my mother enrolled me in a Chinese school to learn Mandarin. My interest in Chinese music motivated me to learn Mandarin and Chinese culture and history. Today, I'm fluent in both Cantonese and partially in Mandarin and my mother was glad she didn't waste her three-hundred dollars weren't wasted per semester. I began reading Chinese books, watching television shows, and researched about China and Hong Kong's history. The more I learned about my ethnicity it became more interesting.

My two brothers don't know much about the Chinese language and culture, but my little brother, Terence, was curious despite going to the same Chinese school. I decided to teach him about the language and culture. Everyday when we walked back home, I taught him a few words. When we arrived to our house, I showed him the characters of the words I taught him. After finishing our schoolwork, I told him facts I knew about Chinese history. My little brother began working harder in Chinese school; on top of that, my mother started tutoring him after she figured out how I helped my little brother get back on track. I felt very accomplished and now my little brother is also fluent in Cantonese and partially in Mandarin.

I communicate with my family, especially older relatives, in Chinese and enjoy watching Chinese television shows. Chinese newspapers and books are easily readable to me. Listening to the song "Peng You" influenced me and definitely changed my life for the better. I feel proud knowing what I accomplished has a lot of meaning to me. Even though learning Mandarin and Chinese culture did consume lots of time and hard work, I am thankful that I stumbled upon my parents' music albums many years ago. That experience possibly alternated my life in a positive direction.

Word count is 353 words.
tonythetiger   
Nov 21, 2009
Undergraduate / "My father has shaped myself" - Describe the world you come from [9]

Can somebody also read my UC Prompt #1??

*

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I have always thought that the environment in which a person lives in determines their personality and behavior, both positive and negative. The environment also shapes a person's qualities. By using the word "environment," I don't mean where a person lives, but the behaviors and words of the people around that person. My parents have told me a Chinese proverb they learned during childhood - "One takes on the color of one's company." From school, I have learned that "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

I feel very fortunate that I have great company, my family and school. My mother would always yell at me often, but it was for my benefit. When I started playing video games or playing basketball despite not finishing my homework, she would force me to finish it. As I got older, I became wiser and realized she was right, that I should set my priorities straight. Video games and a basketball will always be everywhere, but not school work.

My brothers also helped shaped my personality and behavior. My older brother never worked hard during high school, so he decided to join the Army and might be deployed to Afghanistan in January. He told me not to make the same mistake he made and that I should work hard in all activities. My little brother has helped me through optimism. When I do something bad or wrong, I should cheer myself up and do better the next time I get the opportunity.

My father has shaped myself by teaching me to have adaptation, self-discipline, tolerance, and patience. We always got into arguments as to whether who was right, who was wrong when I was young. As I got older I realized he taught me how to be patient, tolerant, and adaptive and have self-discipline indirectly. Being patient, rather than being hot-headed, has usually led me to better results. Being self-discipline and tolerant has circumvented me from potential and fights. Being adaptive allows me fit in better as he taught me that in the real world, employers expect people to adapt to them and not the other way around. The qualities I learned from my dad have and will help me in the real word.

School has played a big part in developing my personality, character, and behavior. I developed friends through class, recess, and sports. I joined school clubs, sport teams and started being more gregarious throughout my childhood years. I have made numerous friends from these activities. I learned that although school is important, it shouldn't be all work. Students should learn to enjoy themselves because if they only work throughout school without socializing, they won't become a well-rounded person.

My world has developed and shaped me into the person I am now as well as the person I will become. My parents have taught me to prioritize, be adaptive, self-discipline, tolerant, and patient. My brothers taught me to work hard and always have optimism. School has taught me to be confident and enjoy life in the moment. All of the qualities that I have obtained throughout my childhood years allow me to continue to purse my dreams and aspirations, and who I want to be.

Word count is 537 words.
tonythetiger   
Nov 25, 2009
Faq, Help / Is it safe to post my essay here? Or should I be worried about Plagiarism? [175]

i got a question.. is this plagiarism??

i just stumbled on this site a few days ago, so i didn't know anything about the essay till now

https://essayforum.com/undergraduate-2/father-shaped-myself-describe-world-come-10845/

this is my essay, read the intro

now i found another essay with practically EXACT same thing as my into i wrote. this essay isn't mine and was written over a year ago

essayforum.com/undergraduate-admission-essays-2/feedback-please-uc-personal-statement-prompt-describe-world-3264/

should i change my intro?? is it plagiarism??
tonythetiger   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / From Taiwan to the United States -UC Personal Statement #1 - Describe your World [5]

i like your essay.. but i think you should focus more on YOURSELF and your qualities rather than your father. it's important to have him, but not to write about him for 2 paragraphs and almost nothing about you.. the thing is, what are the uc readers going to know about you?? they know nothing and you'll have to explain everything in a nutshell.
tonythetiger   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt #2 - Listening to chinese music and how it's inspired me [13]

listening to the album though can't be a personal quality, accomplishment, talent or contribution though. listening to the album was the experience.

i said among the personal expereiences, listening to the album is one of my most important ones

btw- is the closing statement i put good?? couple posts above.
tonythetiger   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / "My father has shaped myself" - Describe the world you come from [9]

I have always thought that the behaviors and words of the people around a person makes up the environment in which they live in. This environment can determine their positive and negative personality and behavior. It also shapes a person's qualities. My parents have told me a Chinese proverb they learned during childhood - "One takes on the color of one's company." From school, I have learned that "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." These two quotes are the foundation of my world that have shaped my character.

So I found out I have to re-write my introduction otherwise it might be plagiarism.

is it good??
tonythetiger   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt #2 - Listening to chinese music and how it's inspired me [13]

When I listen to Chinese music, it makes me proud to know I am Chinese and it inspires me to never give up because there is always something worth fighting for in the end and you will always get positive results if you never give up.

I'm kind of confused as to how to type this. I have ideas on my mind but can't translate it onto my computer. =/
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