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Posts by reina92
Joined: Nov 28, 2009
Last Post: Dec 3, 2010
Threads: 5
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 11
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reina92   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / "I learned to give myself to something" - personal essay- Question 1 [4]

Question #1: Evaluate a significant experience and/or achievement you have faced and its impact on you.

A murmur of voices, the noise of machinery, and the robotic whirr of gadgetry was in the air. It was exhilarating. All around, spirits were high and minds were crackling with ideas. Finally the Robotic Technology meet commenced and my two fellow classmates and I waited in anticipation for our objective. We were given bits of wood and plastic, a battery, some wires, a remote controller, and other miscellaneous items and were called to somehow assemble these random parts into a motile, machine-controlled robotic vehicle, all within a timed environment.

I snuck furtive glances at neighboring tables and saw the same apprehensive expressions I felt must be on my own face. I had little idea of the workings of some of the parts, and the thought of making a functional, remote-controlled car with them seemed beyond me.

Eager to meet the challenge presented, however, my team and I put our heads together. I chose to begin with what I learned in school. I knew to connect the wheels to a rotor and then attach the battery as an energy source. As my teammates and I put the pieces together, we began to make connections and formulate designs of the end product. We first tested out the highly critical "mobility factor" of the robotic car. After being successful, we built around the center point, taking care not to let overly weighty add-ons interfere with the car's direction. Several minutes later, my two teammates and I managed to construct an efficient and highly unique car. Although we only placed fifth that day, my team and I were proud of what we had accomplished.

Overall, I thought the experience was enjoyable and wonderfully creative. I never imagined that I could "breathe life" into a random assemblage of parts and put them together to serve a purpose. I learned to be resourceful with what I had to achieve what I wanted done, a valuable lesson I now apply to every area of my life. The challenge has given me the determination to stick to the task at hand, no matter how initially overwhelming the situation may be. I am no longer satisfied with "trying" to do things, because I have no intention of failing; instead, I clearly envision my goals and learn from my journey towards them.

Since then, I have learned to cooperate well with others, listen to their ideas, appreciate their vision, and efficiently incorporate every input into a success shared by all yet also individually rewarding. Most of all, I was influenced to give myself to my endeavors. On the shelf of my school's designated trophy space lies a certain robotic car that is covered with my fingerprints and stamped with my soul. I approach every situation I'm given with a passion, driven not only by progression into my goals but also for the sake of being driven in everything I do.

That day has given me new lessons for all aspects of my life. It has refreshed my mind to think in new ways and has led me to be better as a person.
reina92   
Nov 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "inclined towards music", Common App-elaborate on an activity in 150 words [3]

Coming from a family of musicians, I have always been naturally inclined towards music. When I picked up the bass guitar for the first time, it felt like a puzzle was coming together within me. From then on, my church's youth group band has been a wonderful weekly experience that I cherish to this day. Through the years, my passion for music has grown considerably and I now delve into five other instruments, always looking for better outlets to express myself with. I have done many concerts in other countries and have been culturally enriched by the people I have been privileged to perform before. It always touches my heart to see my playing strike passion within people, captivating myself in exchange. My long devotion to my band has taught me the importance of effort, always presenting my best, and the vision to carry a piece to its beautiful end.
reina92   
Dec 1, 2009
Graduate / I aim to emulate a river / Water is my element - SOP_MS-Chemical_Engineering [8]

"It was when our school organized a river clean up drive that the feeling of doing something for saving our environment came to the fore and made me think a lot."

-This essay has great potential. However, you are using a lot of passive writing which may take away from the impact you're trying to create.

ex: the dog was hit by the car. instead of: the car hit the dog.
see which is stronger?

passive voice is okay but makes it harder to express your passions through. Also, a good writer makes efficient use of BOTH short and long sentences to express themselves. Varying sentence structure makes your essay flow more. =]
reina92   
Dec 1, 2009
Graduate / Personal Statement, Computer Science; 'I was the top one among students' [2]

As a smart and curious freshman three years ago, becoming a computer scientist to lead the cutting-edge ??(cutting-edge describes which subject?) and working with brilliant colleagues from all over the world has been a romantic dream of mine.

Howabout:
it has been my dream since freshman year to be a computer scientist, working with brilliant colleagues world-wide ..

"Although my exact research goals are yet to be refineddefined , my interests include distributed systems and artificial intelligence."
reina92   
Dec 6, 2009
Undergraduate / Brown University supplement: What don't you know? [6]

Actually, I think this was a very powerful short essay. It flows really well and you expressed yourself, your outlook and personality nicely. Although the 2nd to last sentence can be worded a little better? Your use of parallel structure "I know that __" is effective, not just empty repetitions.
reina92   
Dec 9, 2009
Undergraduate / MCPHS 250-word supplement. Why pharmacy & why MCPHS? [NEW]

Please submit a brief 250-word essay discussing your reasons for choosing the specific health care career you wish to pursue and why you are applying to MCPHS. How it's related to health and helping people while in the healthcare industry.

-Through a year's experience of volunteering at my local medical center, I have had numerous dealings with medications and chemical substances. I have witnessed it researched within labs and administered on patients and know first-hand the power wielded by those medicinal combinations to produce both deadly and life-saving results.<[how to fix this run-on/separate effectively?] Through such exposures, I developed a passion to discover how different interactions between chemicals are used to heal the sick and make global differences. <[help to reword?] I realized the impact and influence I could hold over countless lives by professionally dealing with these medications. I knew from then on what my career path would be.

I have chosen Pharmacy as my major because I desire to expand my knowledge within this field. I have read through your highly-recognized Doctor of Pharmacy curriculum and am intrigued by what awaits me in this major. It delves into an array of subjects that captivate me, spark my curiosity, and engage my intellectual thirst. I am also drawn to the six-year degree aspect that would efficiently enable me to reach my career goals in a short time-frame. I feel that this major perfectly caters to my needs and is one that would enrich me greatly and drive me to excel. MCPHS provides the perfect intellectual community and resources I need within its beautiful, well-located campus. <[need a more powerful ending]
reina92   
Jan 12, 2010
Scholarship / "People helping people" Scholarship Essay [4]

Scholarship Essay (300-500 words):
Credit unions are not-for-profit financial cooperatives that exist to serve members, not generate profit.
"People helping people" is the philosophical foundation of these institutions. Explain the value of this foundation. Be sure to include information about:
- the historical importance of the philosophy;>need HELP!
- examples of the philosophy and their impact on society;
- your personal interpretation of the philosophy and how you have demonstrated "people helping people" in your life.

To tackle this essay, I drew out an outline. please critique what I've written so far and tell me how I can mold my outline and eventual essay into something better.

I guess my thesis or, more appropriately, my central idea, would be: "the philosophy of 'people helping people' is one of great value." This is what I hope my essay will convey and continually reflect back on throughout its duration.

Outline:
Opener-
It is so rare today to find a company you can trust, one that provides customers with quality service and regards them as individuals, not merely additional venues for profit. The philosophy of "people helping people" is the type of work practice I hope to see modeled more frequently in our society.

A- Historical importance of philosophy: Any ideas? This was the hardest bullet for me since I don't really know any historical events reflecting this philosophy

B- MY interpretation of the philosophy and how I demonstrated it personally:
a. mention hospital volunteering
Throughout my junior year, I spent six hours of every week volunteering at my local medical center. Working in an institution devoted to bettering the lives of people through health care, I have personally lived out the philosophy of "people helping people" through my experiences with the patients and staff.

b. KEY club fundraising (UNICEF, etc.)
c. walks for breast cancer (mention collaborative effort of people working for a good cause)
C- Philosophy's impact on society
The philosophy of "people helping people" is [essential for progress <re-word?] but rarely found in our society today. In our capitalist-dominated environment, our nation seems to have forgotten the value of working to help others, becoming all-too-concerned with self-profit (selfish gains). It is refreshing to find that there are still companies out there retaining their integrity amidst self-concerned (and profiteering/profit-minded) competition. In our dwindling (/down-spiraling) economy, our nation has to re-learn the value of providing quality service to customers, thereby creating a cycle of progressiveness and mutual benefit.

Memorable Ending: ??
reina92   
Dec 3, 2010
Research Papers / Literature Review Format questions (for my pharmacy college's writing class) [2]

Hi, i am writing a literature review for my pharmacy college's writing class but I have doubts about how the paper is supposed to be set up. Is anyone familiar with this type of paper?

so is the format as follows?
title page : title centered in the middle of the page with my name, date, class, professor's name
abstract: summary of the paper. do i introduce the guide questions here or the intro?
introduction: does the thesis go here or in the abstract?
body: with paragraphs under subheadings (which are the guide questions)
references

Here is the bare bones of what I have so far. I left out most of the body. Please critique what I have. :)

The Effects of Gender Upon the Physical, Intellectual, and Emotional Responses to Stress Among Students

Reina Grace Salazar
Professor xxx
WR-101-07

Abstract
Stress is defined as a state of anxiety within the body caused by ___ (__, 200_). Many studies have been conducted searching for the link between stress and its effects on the body, mind, and emotions of human beings. Stress occurring among students has overwhelmingly been associated with the deterioration and degradation of overall health within the human population. This review focuses on the stress experienced by students and how gender influences the stress response. Students of all ages and fields of study all face similar stressors with varying degrees of severity.

Introduction
introduction to the body of the paper.. thesis here?

What are the physical manifestations of stress among students?
In a 2006 study entitled, "Examination stress as an ecological inducer of cortisol and psychological responses to stress in undergraduate students," researchers hoped to find a correlation between stress among students and levels of cortisol...

How does academic stress affect intellect?
In Abdulghani's previously mentioned article, a degradation of mental health and academic performance was linked to students when they started medical school (an environment that is highly stressful academically)...

How does academic stress affect emotional health?
Abdulghani's 2008 article, "s tress and depression among medical students: a cross-sectional study at a medical college in Saudi Arabia," sought to discover how widespread academically-related stress was among students in a medical school in Saudi Arabia...

References

Weekes, N., Lewis, R., Patel, F., Garrison-Jakel, J., Berger, D., Lupien, S. (2006). Examination stress as an ecological inducer of cortisol and psychological responses to stress in undergraduate students. The international journal on the biology of stress. 9(4). 199-206.

Abdulghani, H. M. (2008). Stress and depression among medical students: a cross-sectional study at a medical college in Saudi Arabia. Pakistan journal of medical sciences. 24(1). 12-17.

Kosmala-Anderson, J., Wallace, L. M. (2007). Gender differences in the psychosomatic reactions of students subjected to examination stress. Electronic journal of research in educational psychology. 5(2). 325-348.

Yousefi. F. (2010). The effect of test-anxiety on memory among Iranian high-school students. International journal of psychological studies. 2(1). 137-141.
Takakura, M., Kobayashi, M., Miyagi, M., Kobashigawa, H., Kato, T. (2006). Can physical activity moderate the relationship between school-related stress and health complaints among Japanese elementary school children? International journal of sport and health science. 4(1). 265-272.

Yousefi, F., Mansor, M.B., Juhari, R.B., Redzuan, F., Talib, M.A., Kumar, V., Naderi, H. (2009). Memory as a mediator between test-anxiety and academic achievement in high school students. European journal of scientific research. 35(2). 274-280.
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