Undergraduate / Eating roti canai - common application long answer [3]

I'm still not sure whether my essay qualifies fo "Topic of your choice". Anyway thanks for reading!

"Topic of your choice".

The morning sun peeks through the trees that form a canopy above us. Waiters weave themselves around bustling tables, diligently tossing pieces of bread, plates of fried goodies and bowls of curry into the loving arms of ravenous customers. You might probably think that this is an Indian restaurant, with a complicated name and the Indian waiters, but I prefer to think of it as a Malaysian eatery. I am pretty sure you won't find traditional Malay Nasi Lemak or Chinese soya bean drinks being served in a Madras joint. At that moment a waiter suddenly flings a piece of bread onto my banana leaf. This crispy, flat piece of bread is why there is a line of impatient people waiting outside the restaurant. They are all here for Roti Canai.

Us Malaysians' love for Roti Canai probably began during the colonial times when it was generously shared with the locals by the South Indian immigrants. Since then the Roti Canai has earned its position as one of the three most popular foods in this country. It even has been reinvented more times than Madonna, from being twisted into different shapes and adorned with additions of the weirdest possible fillings ever. Sardines, bananas and cocoa powder anyone?

But the whole Roti Canai experience extends from just originates in the taste alone. Since I was a kid I loved to watch how the cook would lovingly knead, stretch and flip the dough into the air with as much finesse as an Italian pizza maker. He would then toss it onto the grill and it is allowed to crispen up. Waiters hung around the grill like vultures, waiting to snap up the bread the moment they are ready.

My attention is drawn back to the circular piece of grilled dough sitting idly on the banana leaf in front of me, glistening in all of its oily glory. What sheer bliss!

Looking around, I can see the same contented expression on everyone's face. Whether it's the Chinese family to my right, the Malay couple to my left, the group of students in the corner or the Western tourists behind me, it feels amazing how to see how all of us can sit down together and enjoy something as simple as a piece of bread. It is at moments like this when I truly feel grateful to be living in a country where different cultures are so genuinely respected and embraced.

And even though our dietary habits may be less than exemplary (the gentlemen sitting in the opposite table is dexterously wrapping a greasy piece of roti canai around a chunk of deep-fried chicken), I am proud that Malaysians are still passionate about our local fare and that many of us still can't let go of our morning roti canai. Did I say morning? I meant morning, brunch, lunch, tea, dinner and supper. Well what can I say, Malaysia is a land of eating after all.[/quote]

This is an excellent descriptive essay! Well written over all, but make sure all of your tenses are correct - the nature of the essay is to bounce from memory to present tense, so it makes it a little trickier to get it right...also, lose the contractions.

The essay doesn't say where you are when you are in the present...I would like to know...
I am not sure whether or not it is appropriate for a common app essay because I never had to apply to college (I was middle age when I entered community college through the military, so the application process consisted of signing on the dotted line and forking over the dough:), but maybe someone else can advise you on that.

This was a real pleasure to read, Ashwini, and if you change nothing, they are only minor errors. Good job.
Blue skies!
Jeannie Oops! I forgot to address the first paragraph!

"You might probably think that this is an Indian restaurant, with a in light of the complicated name and the Indian waiters, but I prefer to think of it as a Malaysian eatery."

"At that moment a waiter suddenly flings a piece of bread onto my banana leaf."

Undergraduate / Why Carnegie mellon: small classes, the eminent professors, the diversity [4]

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know.

I would really like to know what you think. Thanks for your help!

If you had asked me last year where I would be in the fall of 2009, I would have told you that I would be in university, living the life of a college freshman. But instead, here I am now, writing application essays, pursuing teachers for recommendations and pouring over SAT books, once again. Why? Because I am not giving up on my dream of getting a world-class education at Carnegie Mellon. I know that to earn a place to at a world-class university, one needs to be a world-class student and I am reapplying this year to prove that I am one.

If accepted into Carnegie Mellon, I intend to pursue a business degree in the Tepper School of Business, with finance as a track. Growing up with an economist as a father, I have always had an interest in the economic and financial world. However, it was not until I became an Economics and Business Studies student during my A-Levels that my passion for these fields truly surfaced. My bedtime novels were gradually replaced by books by Thomas Freidman, Jack Welch and Paul Krugman. The connections between interest rates, currencies and Gross Domestic Products became a puzzle that I enjoyed solving. I savored the moments when I was able use my business skills in projects. Even the global economic crisis, though adverse, managed to fuel my interests further.

My reasons for wanting to study at Carnegie Mellon are exhaustive; the small classes, the eminent professors, the diversity of the student body. But in a nutshell, there are several characteristics of this university that really make it my dream college. Firstly, it has a strong business program. Besides having one of the best finance tracks in the world, I strongly believe that Tepper's programs such as the Professional Service Project as well as the activities organized by Tepper's clubs will definitely mould me into becoming a better leader. Secondly, the freedom given to Carnegie Mellon students truly excites me. I believe that an education should be holistic, and that a student should be allowed to explore different academic areas, not only their chosen major. It is remarkable to me that while pursuing a business degree at Tepper, I can also explore areas as diverse as cell biology, globalization, and Mayan America!

After the completion of my A-levels in June, I decided to take a gap year. Since then, I have been involved in several projects and activities which I believe will be useful for my studies in the future. Firstly, I have started taking Spanish lessons, which I am confident will be invaluable for me in the future career-wise, given the global nature of today's trade. Besides that, I have created a website called MOVEmalaysia, which aims to promote volunteerism amongst Malaysian youth. Not only did I learn a great deal about graphic design during this project, I learnt how to promote my website as well. I also used my website to promote the International Coastal Cleanup in my country. This year, I volunteered to be a site captain; a role which required me to scout for a suitable cleanup site, organize all the resources needed, organize the transportation, and liaise with Ocean Conservancy as well as The Body Shop (Malaysia's country coordinator). In the end, we managed to collect 80 pounds of trash in a single day! This experience really highlighted the plight of Malaysian beaches to me and I vowed to organize more coastal cleanups in the during my gap year.

My plans for next year include volunteering in Sri Lanka, interning in a local financial firm, climbing Mount Kinabalu in Sabah (Borneo) and much more. The excitement of new experiences has filled me with a new vigor as this is my chance to learn, not just from books but from the world around me. Next year will undoubtedly bring new opportunities to explore my interests. But the highlight of 2010 for me would be earning a place at Carnegie Mellon University.

Thanks again! :)