Undergraduate / "Being myself & Try to help my community" --UC prompt #1 [5]

I just finished the rough draft for one of the UC personal statements. Can someone correct it for me? (I know it is really terrible) Thank you guys.

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Living in a traditional Chinese family, my parents always want me to be someone who they can be proud of before their friends and relatives. In their opinion being successful is to be wealthy and educated. However, I have my own definition of success; I will not let others to determine who I am.

My experience of being a volunteer has greatly influenced my values and shaped my aspiration. Starting in my freshman year in high school, I joined a youth program which helps people who live in SRO (Single Occupancy) buildings. While working as a youth volunteer, I have met people from different estates in the society, including poor seniors and helpless immigrants. Most of them lived with untenable living conditions. They share bathroom and kitchen facilities with other tenants. In the hall way, wires and clothes are hung all over the place. The whole family lives in a one single tiny room. Some seniors even live just next to the public garbage can. Because of their lack of English, these tenants can't, or don't dare to ask for any help from the public. After seeing how these people suffer, I have asked myself, "What can I do for my community? How can I bring a change to these people?" Soon afterward, I realized that it is time for me to do something solid for my community. I started using more of my spare time on community service. With the grant from the government, I also created youth projects with other youth leaders to work with the residents and give out various workshops to the SRO families and public. My teammates and I tried to provide a cleaner environment and better living conditions for families who live in the SRO buildings. There is a Chinese proverb called "Happiness just simply comes from helping others." I think it is true because heartwarming smiles from those who are helped always bring me great satisfaction. Despite of getting volunteer experience, I want to get involved, learn and improve my community.

I have struggled between my parents' expectation and my own idea of who I want to be. My parents want me to be a accountant or lawyer in the future like most of my peers do. However, after realizing that my efforts have brought changes to the oppressed people, my determination of being myself was formed. I decided to be someone who can benefit and serve the community in my future. My motivation then leads to my interest in the field of social work and medines. As a immigrant from China, I would like to use my bilingual skills, patience and enthusiasm to solve problems for those who don't dare to speak up for help.

It will not be enough with only ambition and enthusiasm. Education also takes up a big part in establishing my own road of success. That's why I need to go to college. With knowledge and skills, I will be able to pursue my dream and a career that shows who I really am.

Undergraduate / (Working with seniors) Short Answer for Common Application [2]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

"It would be much better if you fold it in this way," I said when I was teaching the seniors to fold an origami crane. I've been involved with the Chinese senior community through my participation in a youth project called Intergeneration Bonding. This project offers me an opportunity to work with other high school students and organize monthly activities for seniors who live in Chinatown. Beside teaching seniors to make art crafts and cook food, I introduce them with the western cultures and holidays. In return, they share with me their experiences and life lessons. It helps me to realize that learning is a two-way process, and it works better with good communication. Moreover, in planning activities and coordinating other volunteers, I learned to be a creative, responsible and approachable leader in my school and community.

word count:137

Undergraduate / (change lives of others)UC Irvine nursing supplement personal statement. [NEW]

Please provide information regarding your goals and plans for the future as it relates to the Program in Nursing Science and the Nursing profession. Please limit statement to 200-225 words.

The most inspiring experience for me in these a few years is taking care of my sick brother. In my first year of moving to the U.S., my brother was diagnosed with lymphoma. His first reaction to this terrible news was frustration and helplessness. Through taking care of him, I realized that looking after a cancer patient was never an easy task. I didn't only have to simply help him physically, but more importantly, encourage him to stay positive. For instance, losing hair after his chemo-treatment has really saddened my brother and irritated him. Therefore, treating him like a child, I had to be extremely patient and kept telling him jokes in order to ease his depression. I tried to let him see the side of life that was filled with hope. Because of my efforts, he gradually became more optimistic and attained a positive attitude in fighting his cancer. The whole experience helped me to come to the realization that nursing will exactly suit my compassion and innate desire to help other people. I want to become a registered nurse and dedicate myself in working with terminally ill patients. I hope to let them understand that having incurable diseases is not the end of the world; faith, hope and emotional concern from others will be their best medicines.

word count:222

I am appreciated to any comment and help~