Scholarship / "I learned how to play the piano" - Is my essay effective? [7]

Also, does my essay contain any errors?

I'm applying for National merit finalist and I'm wondering if my essay is good enough. The prompt of the essay is: "describe an experience you have had...explain why this is meaningful to you". Here's my essay:

Thomas Edison once said that "genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration". I believe his statement can be applied to other instances as well since perseverance and an assiduous mindset are the basic keys to success in any field. For example, I am proud of learning to play a difficult music piece on piano, performing it in front of the public, and receiving a strong approval from them. I am proud of my achievement because I've never had the chance to hire a formal piano tutor and the piece, Canon in D, was relatively complex and challenging to play but despite these obstacles, I managed to learn it and perform the piece flawlessly through dedication and hard work.

I practiced playing everyday, sometimes repeating a difficult segment for countless times. If I encountered a part that I could not comprehend no matter how hard I tried to, I would ask my friends, who are proficient with the piano, for assistance. There were times that I felt like quitting, thinking that it was impossible for me to learn such a complex piece, but my friends and family were very supportive of me and offered to help me whenever they could. Encouraged by their caring support, I told myself, " while I still have a long way to go, I am closer to my goal then I was yesterday" and reapplied myself to learning how to play Canon in D.

After around half a year, I finally learned how to play the piece without any mistakes. Coincidentally, the Boys and Girls Club in San Pedro decided to host a recital on Thanksgiving Day. I signed up in order to entertain the kids there. As I sat down on the bench, under the gaze of a hundred or so people, my heart seemed to jump out of my throat. However, I was pleasantly surprised when I started playing. It appeared as if my hands were gliding automatically above the keys of the piano: I practiced so hard playing that piece that it had became second nature to me. When I hit the last note, the audience burst into thunderous applause, an assurance that I had performed well.

Although I did not receive any material awards for accomplishing this task, I was still very proud of it because I pushed myself to the limits and accomplished what I thought was impossible. From this experience, I learned that even though there were many obstacles on the road to success, they could be overcome with adequate motivation, dedication, and hard work. In addition, a little advice from family members and friends couldn't hurt either.

Now, three years from that day when I decided to master the piece no matter how inexperience I was at piano, I looked back and was amazed at all that I thought was arduous but had accomplished. Even though most of these accomplishments pushed me to my limits, I was able to persist while other people succumbed to the pressure thanks to the valuable lesson I learned from the experience mentioned above.

Any help would be very appreciated
Thanks!

Undergraduate / Calculator Havoc -- Caltech Humor Essay [3]

Hi guys, I just fininshed an essay on this prompt:

Caltech students have long been known for their quirky sense of humor and creative pranks and for finding unusual ways to have fun. What is something that you find fun or humorous? (Limit 1000 characters)

The biology teacher calls out my friends name during a partner lab: he needs to go to the attendance office to clear up an absence. He forgot to take his backpack with him - a perfect opportunity for me to strike. I reach into his backpack stealthily, and, making sure that I am not being watched, pull out his TI-83 calculator and decide to cause havoc. I enter a simple but elegant program on my friend's calculator and return it to its original place. So far so good. My friend comes back, notices nothing out of the ordinary, sits down, and resumes his math homework since we are already done with the lab. Only after using the calculator for a few minutes has he realized that it has been tampered with: the numbers are all greater than they should be. Not knowing the exact cause, he frantically presses all the buttons, finally hitting the "on" key, terminating the program. Giving away my involvement in this heinous crime by letting out an involuntary chuckle, I proceed to show him the program that I wrote, assure him that no harm had been done, and we all had a good laugh in the end.

What do you guys think about it? Does the essay answer the prompt and most importantly, do you think it's interesting? Also, my essay has 1100 characters. Any ideas on how reduce the length? Thanks in advance for your help.

Undergraduate / Science Research -- Common App Activity [3]

Can you guys help read over my common app activities essay and offer some suggestions?

Prompt: Describe one of your activities (150 words limit)

I chose mine on science research

I wanted to comprehend the world around me more since I was a child. Because of this, I joined my school's science research program - which gives me the opportunity to come up with a scientific question and design an experiment to answer it - during my junior year. However, before I started, I had to read over the research manual and some background material, such as articles and scientific journals, to understand the basic principles behind research and to come up with a topic. Finally, I decided on my topic: to investigate the relationship between certain bacteria and plant growth. Throughout the research, I adhered strictly to the scientific principles and was awarded 3rd place at the PVP Science and Engineering Fair for my effort, even though part of my hypothesis was invalidated. From this experience, I became more dedicated and committed. I also learned to be more accepting of failure.

Any suggestions is appreciated. Thanks!

Undergraduate / (father debate, natural world, dishes) Why Stanford, Intellectual Vitality and Letter [8]

Hi
Here are my three Stanford Essays

1. Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

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"Dad, you are wrong. It is just not possible for 1.9Ě... to be equal to two."
"I'm not, son. You just need to think about it more carefully."

I still remember that intense debate between me and my father clearly. What began as a casual discussion about what I did in school evolved into a statement that shook the foundations of my mathematical beliefs to their core. He tried to introduce me to a deeper understanding of math by stating 1.9Ě... is equal to 2. How could this be possible? At the age of fourteen and only taking Algebra courses at my high school, I could not bring myself to accept this fact: to me, 1.9Ě... is only 1.9Ě... and 2 is only 2; these two numbers are distinct and separate. I argued vehemently against my father's statement, until it was bedtime. As I climbed into bed, I remembered my dad said a word several times during our conversation -- calculus. What is this strange term? Why did my dad mention it so many times? These questions bogged my mind as I twisted and tossed around in my bed, unable to sleep. "Know thyself and thy enemy," I mused to myself, "I'll do some research to find out this "calculus" really is."

The next day, I quickly finished my homework and eagerly turned on the computer to start my research. Thus, I began my journey of understanding calculus. What I saw intrigued me deeply: the concept of infinity, of limits, and slopes. These novel ideas were difficult to grasp at first; Later on, however, I learned to appreciate their importance once I witnessed real-world examples that could relate to my life, such as instantaneous velocity of a car etc.

Naturally, I conceded defeat in the argument with my father after becoming more familiar with calculus. Nonetheless, as the old saying goes, "the more you know, the more you know that you don't know." Looking back, I realized that although I had taken two calculus classes and engaged in many discussions with my parents and peers, there are still numerous area of knowledge that are unknown to me. However, according to an old saying, "learning has no end." I am eager to open the doors that lead to these uncharted areas.

(2117 characters)

2.Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.
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I am always fascinated by the minute details of our natural world. Not only do I comment "Wow, that's cool!" when I observe an interesting phenomenon, I also want to delve deeper, right into its essence, and understand the principles behind it. Only then can I be satisfied. Therefore, I am deeply intrigued by chemistry because many aspects of it are unknown but it is omnipresent in every aspect of our lives.

I believe that the Chemistry Department at ...
After changes:

I delicately placed an egg inside a clean jar and immersed it with vinegar. My teacher said that calcium could be dissolved by acid, but did not demonstrate it. Wanting to see the reaction myself, I set up the experiment in my kitchen and, after a week, observed that the shell had been dissolved.

Even as a child, I was very interested in science, especially chemistry. My parents often told me stories of famous scientists. I admire these people who have contributed to our society. Like them, I am simply not content to be told of a phenomenon, but have to dissect it and see the principles that make it function in order to be satisfied.

In addition, I have a younger sister who was born with Cerebral Palsy. Deeply saddened whenever I saw her perform everyday tasks with great difficulty, I dreamed of becoming a researcher, specifically an experimental chemist, who can contribute to the society with my scientific knowledge.

Stanford has excellent courses for undergraduates with a strong background in Chemistry. Having earned a score of 5 on the Chemistry AP exam, I plan to enroll in advanced courses such as Chem 31X, which will provide the foundation for conducting research with the distinguished faculty in the Chemistry Department. Particularly fascinating to me is Prof. Cegelski's research project on Chemical Biology and Drug Discovery, which I intend to participate in. Her idea of using small molecules to disrupt cellular processes in bacteria interests me deeply because it may be an effective way to study pathogens' cell wall biosynthesis. In addition, Prof. Cegelsky's approach emphasizes biology, chemistry, and physics. This interdisciplinary nature is very conducive to my development into a well-rounded person, ready to face the challenges of graduate school and most importantly, the modern world.

With its advanced courses and its prestigious research activity, Stanford is the perfect place to help me narrow the gap between my dream and reality.

1975 characters

(1867 Characters)

3.Stanford: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.Characters available 1800

Dear Roomie,
I am so happy to hear we will be sharing a room. My name is Hanqing. No, not Hanging; Hanqing. Many people mistake the "q" for "g", but actually it sounds like a "ch". Or you can just call me "Han". I was born in China, moved to Singapore at the age of six, and immigrated here at eleven. On the outside, I look like a typical Asian: I eat rice with almost every meal, play the piano, wear glasses, and like to study hard in school.

I also possess a unique sense of curiosity. They say that curiosity killed the cat. If I were a cat, I would have probably died hundreds of times. In all seriousness, I enjoy testing out new methods to conquer challenges. You brought in some kimchi? I haven't tried it before. Can I have a bite? I am open-minded and like to learn about the world around me. Therefore, I spend a lot of my leisure time looking at news articles on websites such as CNN and BBC. To satisfy my thirst for knowledge, I'm an avid reader. I read a wide variety of genres, from the Harry Potter series to The Lost City of Z, a nonfiction account of explorers in the Brazilian jungle. With so many books in our tiny room, it will be a huge mess. So, please do not be surprised when the ROTC enters and transforms it into "Hazardous Environment Training Course Number 4".

Lastly, you should pay for the meals that I cook. I really enjoy cooking, and have a lot of recipes ï both eastern and western ï at my disposal. Although my dishes cannot compare with Wolfgang Puck's, I believe they are of restaurant quality (at least according to my family members and friends; take it with a grain of salt).

Hanqing
P.S. I was kidding about paying for my cooking.
P.S.S. Please disregard that burning smell. I was attempting to overclock my computer for the third time. Looks like I failed again.
(1974 Characters)

Please critic my essay. Were my essays interesting/insightful? Also, how should I shorten my essays to fit the character limits? Thanks!

Undergraduate / My dream of being a medical researcher: Cornell CALS essay [2]

Cornell College of Agriculture and Life Sciences: How have your interests and related experiences influenced your selection of major? (500 Words Limit)

Biology and Life Sciences

I became fascinated with science at an early age. My parents, who are both scientists, would often tell me stories of famous researchers such as Louis Pasteur and Alexander Fleming. Their scientific curiosity led to breakthroughs that changed the course of history. For example, imagine how much suffering has been prevented by the advent of pasteurization and development of vaccines. Similarly, I am not merely content to just hear about the phenomena of our natural world. Not only do I have to witness the phenomena myself, but I also desire to understand the underlying principles behind these events. Because of this characteristic, I felt myself becoming more and more interested in research and dreamed that I would become a professional scientific researcher one day.

While growing up, I gradually begin to feel the hardships present in the world. As a first generation immigrant to America, I struggled to adapt myself to a completely different culture. However, this hardship pales in comparison to my sister's lifelong challenge: she was born with Cerebral Palsy with R Hemiplegia - brain damage that causes weakness in the right side of her body. As my parents worked hard to financially support our family, I invested lots of time helping my sister with physical therapy. I was deeply saddened whenever I saw her perform a simple, everyday task with great difficulty. During my second year in high school, one of my friends, Kevin, confided with me that his father suffers from renal failure and is dependent on frequent dialysis. Though his father wished to play tennis with him or at least attend one of his tournaments, his treatments usually left him too debilitated to even take a casual stroll. I now realize that such stories of families supporting a sick loved one are common. Witnessing my family's and other's sufferings, I became determined to use my love of science to benefit society but could not decide on a specific career choice to accomplish such goals. This indecisiveness took a drastic change after a summer internship at Los Angeles Biomedical Research Institute.

This internship proved to be extremely unforgettable: while there, I further witnessed the agony of patients who suffered from their ailments. For example, a CT scan revealed a spine so bent and twisted that it was impossible to imagine the resulting pain. This fact reminded me yet again of the hardships in this world, but I also saw a glimmer of hope that modern scientific knowledge can offer, particularly the many advances in medicine discovered by my mentors. My internship has shaped my dream: to become a biomedical researcher and give back to humanity by developing breakthrough pharmaceuticals that either cure chronic diseases or at the least help ease the patients' suffering.

To accomplish this goal, I am eager to pursue a biology degree from the Agricultural and Life Sciences College in Cornell University as it will provide me with a strong foundation and prepare me for a future in the medical sciences.

(497 words)

In addition to pointing out the grammatical errors, please tell me whether the idea is good too and whether my essay conveys that idea effectively. Thanks for reviewing my essay!