Undergraduate / "I live in Sri Lanka" - Yale supplement essay [9]

This is the essay for my Yale supplement. I will add it to my Harvard supplement as well. Please read through and tell me what you think. Please tell me if something is wrong or if it could be improved with better words or phrases. Thanks!

I live in Sri Lanka; a country which used to be driven by war. A country where you didn't know when you'll get blown to bits while innocently traveling to school by bus in the morning. My home, though, was situated in a safe place, where nothing dangerous ever happened. But the place my mother came from was different. It was a place where death was a part of everyday life. And I would soon experience it myself.

With my mom, I had to travel to Jaffna. Jaffna was the hub of the war. It was the place the terrorists called home. It was where all the attacks were concentrated. We had to get some documents from the council in my mother's birthplace, or she wouldn't be allowed to stay at our current home. We arrived and found that we had to stay for three days to get the needful done. It felt like time was flowing much slower in Jaffna. It definitely was.

It was the second day and we were having lunch. The pain and suffering the people of Jaffna were going through was clearly represented by the food they ate. Just as I lay down the spoon after having taken another mouthful of rice, we heard an intensely vociferous bang outside. It sounded dangerously close. There was screaming. I couldn't determine whether the screaming was due to agony or despair. For a moment we sat there. Petrified. The screaming had ceased. We went over to the window to see what had happened outside. Calling the sight horrendous would be a huge understatement. The cracked road and the grass beside it were sprayed red and had pink chunks of dead life littered across. We were safe from the blast, but the sickening sight was too overwhelming to feel anything other than despair and abhorrence.

This happened two years ago, but I can still see it clearly. I can still remember the way my eyes scanned the scene - from the bottom left of my vision to the top right. The two women who stood there, dumbfounded and oblivious, after narrowly escaping the blast. The detached head that was looking straight up at God with vehement resentment. The many severed limbs, of which one seemed to be moving. The macabre emanation that could be seen as well as smelled. I can still see it all. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget any of this. I wouldn't want to.

Having retrieved the necessary documents, we left for good the next day.

This rather disturbing experience has left me with something a lot of people lack today: the appreciation for life. People aren't grateful for what they have been offered. People kill themselves due to problems that can easily be overcome. Kids call themselves 'emo' and cut themselves intermittently in order to maintain that qualification. While there are people struggling to stay alive, losing lives due to the very reason of being at the wrong place at the wrong time, there are others who simply give it away. I have learned to appreciate and accept everyone around me, regardless of ethnicity, place of birth or skin color. I hope to pass this message on to as many people as possible.

Undergraduate / "Sensei about life: it's about doing it or not doing it" - CommonApp essay [5]

This is my CommonApp essay. I'm not sure about my use of certain words. If you find any word that seems out of place, please point it out to me. Also, please give me ideas on how to improve the essay overall. Thank you very much.

"Life isn't about what can or can't be done; it's about doing it or not doing it". This is what Sensei told me when I tried brainwashing him into believing that I am not ready for the upcoming karate tournament. I was never really the type to get galvanized by adages and proverbs but what he said and the way he said it made me venerate him.

Sensei was a person I used to execrate with passion. His training was brutal and excruciating. It was torture. We spent more time mastering the art of punishment than the art of fighting. I once had to jog non-stop for one hour, out in the blazing sun, for repeatedly calling him 'sir'. You're supposed to call them 'Sensei', Japanese for 'Master'. As I grew acclimatized to the training, I started understanding and appreciating what he did. I started noticing how he had great discipline in everything he did. How he solved problems easily and perspicaciously. How he remained serene and tranquil at all times. How he taught with great sagacity and proficiency and without any sort of discrimination. How he had great knowledge about everything he talked about. He was perfect in everything he did. He wasn't just trying to teach us martial arts. He was trying to teach us everything he knew.

I used to be a person with very, very little confidence. I backed away from any task that would exhibit me to multitudinous eyes. I was afraid of making mistakes. Whenever I had to stand and read things out to my class, my hands would shudder with such great amplitude, even people sitting three seats behind me would notice. I wanted to do everything on my own, as I believed that people would somehow find something about me that they could criticize. They always did. Secretly, I dreamt of becoming a great actor, but I would never participate in any school performances due to diffidence and fear. Apprehension and perturbation was a part of everyday life for me.

Coming from a low-income family, I felt like an outcast in school. International schools aren't exactly for lower class people but my parents were determined to give me a good education. Due to the fear of being discriminated against, I stayed away from the rich kids, which included pretty much the whole school. All this contributed greatly to lowering my already dangerously low confidence levels.

This rather broken personality of mine was completely revamped over the past couple of years. And it was all thanks to Sensei and karate. "You can do anything you set your mind to", he says intermittently. His intense training has given me a hard work ethic. I have learned teamwork, endurance, fortitude and perseverance. Sensei shares his words of wisdom and advice with the whole class, but it always felt like they were directed at me, because they suited my state of mind perfectly. So there I was, training hard every day, improving as a person.

Now I'm in twelfth grade, and have won three gold medals in a row as well as being chosen as the captain of the dojo. I'm an active member of the drama club and have already acted lead roles in two school dramas. I have started playing soccer, which I always loved but stayed away from, due to the fact that you had to play together with other people. I laugh at myself for thinking others were better than me because they had more money. Perseverance and determination is pretty much all you need to succeed. Looking back, I feel sorry for myself for having missed many opportunities due to a lacking personality. But now my personality has been completely altered. It's like I'm a new person, and I know I've made Sensei proud in many ways. I may use second-hand gloves and a three year old karate uniform torn at the knees, but I know my strikes will be just as powerful.