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Posts by omm13
Joined: Dec 30, 2010
Last Post: Jan 17, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
From: Myanmar

Displayed posts: 8
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omm13   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Difficulty need not foreshadow despair".. AMHERST [8]

You said it made your accomplishment worthwhile. How they come to worthwhile? Explain a bit.
You can omit "myself" and "my accomplishment" in the last sentence. Without them, your essay go well. Next, you don't need to give precise time. Write " every Saturday morning". If so, it will save 2 more words.
omm13   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / A Discerning Sleepless Night - common app essay. [2]

Topic of My CHOICE.
A Discerning Sleepless Night
The clock read 2 am. Although I used to go to bed at a range of 10 and 11 pm, today was exception since I was seeking an answer. However, the beginning of today was typical. Getting up 6 am, I prayed my words for up to 20 minutes and then planned the whole day while having breakfast. Everything was in normal state until I went to English Level V class at American Center where an infuriating dilemma arose.Not only this dilemma needed required a thorough scrutiny but also it would compromise the very foundation of my resolve and drive". It was a case of fissure between hard work and intuition. I needed to determine which path I would pursue in the future.

First, I remembered the event of discovering gravity. Newton may have a puzzle of why objects constantly fall in his mind. If he was hard working man, he would be constantly making experiments after experiments till he found out the gravity. I was not a closest person to Newton as well as didn't know Newton in detail but imagined that he must be intuitive person. That's why he concluded that there must be a downward force, gravity to have objects fall to the ground when an apple fall over his head. If I was him, I, assuming the fallen apple as a reward of hard work, would eat the apple vigorously. I won't take time to relate between the fallen apple and gravity. Intuition surpassed hard work in this event. If intuition invariably trumps hard work, I will need to do anything that help to improve my wit.

Second, Edison came in mind. He is an icon of diligence and prolificacy. He did say these words: Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. He proved his words by inventing thousands of new items. He found and solved a lot of secret hidden by nature. If so, intuition doesn't count in most problems.

My mind split into different parts.

"Yes, it is right" said one part, "think of how many intuitive people you have seemed. It is really rare. You should keep on trying hard."

"No, it shouldn't be" said another part of my mind, "Think of what you have encountered today's class. You fail to win the prize because an intuitive classmate answered better than you did on the issue of the practice of death penalty. You did read many books and prepare for this question, didn't you? Why can't you answer as well as your classmate can? He told you before entering the class that he didn't prepare for today's class due to his grandma's funeral. Remember! Think hard"

"Stop", I shouted and then commanded the brain department to think of other events, principles and facts that will help to determine the way I should continue. I thought of Martin Luther King Jr., Abraham Lincoln, and so on. I recalled the admonitions of parents and other admirable persons. I searched the answer among tons of my experiences.

Among them, I remembered I have faced similar problem during 9th grade. It was a case of hard work Vs irresponsibility. At that time, I was a team leader, and my team members didn't want to take part in a particular school activity because it apparently was very time consuming and futile. I could also neglect it. However, I chose to participate in this school activity as well as to maintain my academic status regardless of the disadvantage I was having because I realized that once I learn to quit, it becomes a habit. I can say now that my decision was right not because it didn't hurt my education but because it kept my willingness to take responsibility.

I tried to relate this experience with the mystery now I am puzzling. If I didn't keep on trying hard, I may suffer a lot in the future. I was not sure I can improve the quality of intuition. In such case, my life would be hell of failures. I would have made impetuous decisions if I decided things so fast in order to answer as quickly as a witty person does.. An intuitive person would not always get the best or most satisfactory answers. It may be in a case due to good luck. Didn't I have a situation in which I answer questions very well without prior knowledge? The main point is to convenience with my principles. I am a diligent man and so enjoy the gaiety after working hard. I didn't see any disadvantage of hard work. Through hard work, I accomplished success after success.

At last, all parts of my mind merged into one and said "You are contemplating this mystery hard without giving up for hours. If you were a type of intuitive person, you wouldn't take time to ponder it but try to solve with you inborn acumen. So, to go well with you principles, you need to keep your type, hardworking. "

Resolve comes. How clear my mind now!

Sun is on the east. Ooh! I missed the sleep. But I am alive because I knew what to do.

I am submitting it soon. Let me know your opinion. Any comments, Welcome
Thanks in advance for all who read my essay.
omm13   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "the sense of familiarity" What influences your desire to attend Connecticut College? [2]

Connecticut College never fails me to provide the sense of familiarity. In fact, I know little about applying to US colleges and started my application process through Connecticut College's website. It virtually provides me everything I needed. Unlike websites of other colleges and universities, it includes a handful of sample essays to help students in writing personal essay. Moreover, I had to contact admission office to confirm some unclear points since website is just a medium to share knowledge. Thus, I had sent four emails to the admission office with lots of question in each mail. Surprisingly, it replied all of my mail within two or three days after I had sent and answered my questions in detail. In addition, the most alluring thing to me is the honor code system that will provide me both freedom and responsibility. With Connecticut's generous financial aid, I've convinced that my journey to pursue a bachelor degree in US came true. For me, Connecticut College is my second parent because it shares me the information needed in applying U.S colleges. Like my parents did, it answered my question patiently with lots of resources. Although I knew that it may be risky to choose college based on emotions, I choose Connecticut College only on my sense of familiarity. Connecticut College is the best school for me among thousands of colleges in US because sense of familiarity is vital to me.

any comments ! really welcome. don't hesitate to criticize harshly
omm13   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "the nation's first medical school" - academic, research paths [3]

The Universities many historical achievements is what mainly enticed me to apply there.
I felt something is wrong.
Presented very well. You answered the prompt adroitly since you describe your intentions as well as college's notable points.
omm13   
Jan 7, 2011
Undergraduate / "I didn't choose Photography, Photography chose me"- F.I.T ESSAY [4]

I am not native speaker. I found some error in your essay.
First, tense error. In 2nd sentence, how does ------ chose ( it must be choose; maybe typing error). You should describe name of fashion magazine. You should also reword that sentence.
omm13   
Jan 17, 2011
Writing Feedback / The success of a community and people's willingness to limit their personal interests [4]

Hi,
I would like to advice some ideas. Btw, I am not a brilliant or smart guy just a normal one. First, in your opening, you use the same word twice in one sentence. It is too bad. You can write like this : " when people share the same dream, all will become one; ... " . And the conclusion, it is very short and not well-developed. No connection to above paragraphs.You should restate your point in conclusion. I won't criticize the contents because I am not an expert. However, your presentation is a bit ambiguous. I found no points.
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