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Posts by yoyofuny
Joined: Mar 22, 2011
Last Post: Apr 21, 2011
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  
From: Taiwan

Displayed posts: 8
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yoyofuny   
Mar 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / I like to study with my teacher rather than studying alone. [3]

Hi, I have read about your essay and have some recommendations for you^^
1. In toefl test, you had better write 320~350 words at minimum. So you may expand your introductory paragraph to make it. For me, my structure of introductory paragraph is as follows:

The topic of _____ can be approached from several different angles due to
its complexity. Some people believe that________ others, however, disagree with this idea and are convinced that ___________. In my opinion, it is recommended or even necessary that_______________.

2. I find that you have some spelling and grammar mistakes. You may enhance your grammar ability by reading some grammar books.

3. You may add some words in the start of every paragraph. Like after the first paragraph, you can add "To begin with" then "In addition", finally "last but not the least" to illustrate your two or three reasons.
yoyofuny   
Mar 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / Media should always show positive people and blame bad charachters [5]

Please help me with my toefl essay. Thanks very much!!
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.

The topic of movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished can be approached from several different angles due to its complexity. Some people tend to prefer movies and televisions should obey the rule that good people with reward and the opposite is true while others seem to prefer movies and televisions should not always do this. In my opinion, it is recommended or even necessary that movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.

First of all, movies and Televisions have educational meanings for an individual to some extent. For example, when people see that a bad person is always punished in the end of the movie or the TV program, they could be more attentive to their behaviors. Whenever a bad thought emerges from their mind, they would remind themselves not to do this. This is especially true because they always realize that bad behaviors have consequences. A bad person will finally be disciplined. On the other hand, when people see that a bad person is always forgiven instead of being punished, they will consider that doing bad things is not so serious for bad behaviors are forgivable. Indeed, doing bad things is sometimes forgivable. However, the more people see a bad person with a good situation on television or movies, the less sensitive they become to them. Eventually bad behaviors do not seem wrong. They may even commit bad acts themselves without being aware of it.

In addition, the educational meanings of good behaviors on movies or televisions are also important. For example, when people see that a good person is always rewarded in the end of the movie or the television program, they would gradually realize the importance of being a good person. The most familiar theme we can see in the movies is that good people are so kind-hearted that they always help people with difficulties and never request the remuneration. Finally, good people always get the most happiness and are highly respected by everyone. Therefore people will be encouraged to do good things to obtain good results. In contrast, if they see that good people with no reward at all, they would have the passive attitude toward doing good things.

It is clear that for movies and televisions showing the concept of good people being rewarded eventually will have a positive effect on the society. Also, they should show the concept of bad people being punished in the end. If they do not always do these, the audience will be misled and there will be a possibility that they will do the wrong things.
yoyofuny   
Apr 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / About sports and international intension. Patriotic emotions? [4]

Hi, here are some suggestions for you^^

1.Even to a quite limited degree, I still cannot say I would like to agree with the argument
-->may be you can simplify it. It seems a little redundancy. You can say" I still cannot agree with the argument."

2. admittedly, international sports may help to let off people's patriotic enthusiasms, However , no one could make sure them safe;

3.Sometimes, international sports events may build up or even strengthen a friendly relationship between a country and another. -->you also can use cement a relationship. It's up to you.

4.on the other hand, if the situation is on the contrary , any kind of sports campaign will not work.

or "if the situation is the opposite"
yoyofuny   
Apr 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl essay-In a team, those who do not accept others' criticism cannot succeed. [2]

pls check my essay ^^ Thanks very much!!!
Topic:Do you agree with the following statement? In a team, those who do not accept others' criticism cannot succeed.

In modern society, people's work output and performance are not always going to satisfy their colleagues and superiors. There are times that people will be misinterpreted and criticized. Some people believe that a person does not need others' judgments to make him successful. Others, however, disagree with this idea and are convinced that a successful person always has the ability to handle others' suggestions. In my opinion, it is recommended or even necessarily that people should accept the advices from others.

First of all, people should accept others' suggestions to improve their work performances, which in turn leads to the success in their careers. Think of a person who always convinces others that they are wrong and he is right. This will lead to arguments and resentment among his team. Then less people in the team will give him advice even if there is an obvious mistake which will lead to the failure in his work. On the other hand, the best way to deal with the criticism is to just accept it. This helps a person to learn that he is not the greatest, and that he is not perfect. He will know where he might be flawed and try hard to modify. In the long run, he will be successful. For instance, my uncle's colleague, who was the salesman in a food company, never accepted any advice from others. When my uncle and other colleagues in the sales team were discussing how to promote the latest products, the man always showed excited at first, talking a lot about his plan regardless of other suggestions. If someone in the team pointed out the disadvantages of his plan, he would get totally irritated and depressed. Ten years later, he could only work for the company as a common salesman; on the contrary, my uncle, who was pleased to hear different voices, gained a promotion.

In addition, criticism can develop the positive attitude when facing difficulties. This provides more opportunities for a person to succeed. There may be different kinds of reasons that people are criticized, whether intentional or unintentional. If a person can keep all these criticisms in mind all the time, then he will grow up an open-mind person and finally obtain his career goal. For example, my brother worked in a team, and there was a routine evaluation between colleagues every week. People in the team should review others' performances and give them advices. My brother always got a lot of criticisms, even deliberate ones to backstab him. At first, he was not used to this rigid discipline and was always frustrated. However, he tried his best to learn from criticisms and apologized for his shortcoming. This nevertheless strengthened his ability to withstand the pressure and foster an optimistic characteristic when facing obstacles. Finally, his boss was impressed with his great fortitude and active attitude and gave him a promotion.

It is clear that people should learn to accept others' suggestion to improve their performances, as well as form a constructive attitude, which will guarantee a more splendid future.
yoyofuny   
Apr 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / should a government focus its budget more on very young children education? [4]

pls check my essay, thanks^^

Topic:For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?

The Government has been more and more concerned with the education issues recently. The object who it should support is now the hottest issue that everyone discusses. Some people believe that the government should make more investments on children. Others, however, disagree with this idea and are convinced that the government must contribute more to the universities. In my opinion, it is better for more resources distributed to the universities than young children.

First of all, a county's status will be solidified by the government's sponsor for research in the universities. If there are more resources allocated to the universities, then professors in the universities will have more budgets on their research proposals. As far as I know, it always has to spend much time and money to produce a great proposal. If the professors do not have to worry about the money, they will be able to totally focus on their researches and have more possibilities to have papers published in the international journals. A country will then be worldwide known for its reputation of education quality. Therefore the station of a country will be more strengthened. Besides, there are always global symposiums for research issues in the universities. If universities have good performances on these seminars, then a country will have more influence in the world.

In addition to anticipated benefit to the rank of a country, auspices for universities also enhance a country's ability to compete with other countries. Students will have more opportunities to go abroad for advanced education if they have government's aid, like the scholarship. In fact, most of western universities, equipped with best facilities and well-educated professional team, can help students to have easy access to the latest knowledge of this society. It will undoubtedly dedicate to students to enhance their knowledge of technology and serve their homeland when they return to their home countries. Hence the quality of a country will be uplifted, which in turn leads to successful development of a country. Besides, living abroad means students may experience a totally different life in contacting with people from different cultural backgrounds. Thus, they will have a chance to establish their individual networks that will promote a country's business in the future. This is undeniably helpful to the prosperity of a country.

With these advantages, we may conclude that government's support for universities leads to great competitive advantages, as well as strengthen the position of a country in the world, which will guarantee a more splendid future for a country.
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