Undergraduate / Common App Writing - local baseball field crew membership [2]

Prompt: In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

As a member of the [local baseball field crew] throughout my high school career, I learned how to work with other people efficiently and how to contribute to society honestly. While working on the baseball fields, I did not have a boss of any sort to make sure I was doing my job correctly; however, I always made an effort to do every part of my work the way it was supposed to be done and to submit my hours honestly. During my first season working as a freshmen, I had very little experience. After my sophomore year, my superiors graduated from high school and I took the initiative as lead crew worker. I recruited more members and did what was best for the fields. Making the fields the finest they could be became an incentive besides the regular wage, and working everyday after school was enjoyable for me.

Thanks for the help, is this bland... or making myself look too good?

Undergraduate / outside of the bubble that I live,good choice of topic and first paragraph? [2]

It's for the common app. This is only my first paragraph... before I finish I want to make sure this is what the readers are looking for.

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Ever since I was a kid I knew that someday I would have the opportunity to see what is going on outside of the bubble that I live in. I live in Brentwood, Tennessee, where most everybody's opinions are the same. The surrounding areas call us the "Brentwood Bubble" because we are like our own microcosm in the state of Tennessee. Everything and anything we need is right here. Brentwood is definitely not a melting pot; I had not been exposed to many other varying viewpoints or cultures except on the news and internet. Graduating from high school and moving on to college would hit me in the face if I did not start getting exposed to the world outside the "bubble". My life changed when I went to Mexico to build houses for people in poverty in the spring break of 2007.

Undergraduate / Global society, maximization of benefits - UT Honors program essay [3]

This essay is still pretty rough... just hoping I answered the question correctly and completely. (Sorry, it's pretty long... the requirement is at least 1,000 words)

Prompt: Select one of the following: literature and the arts, politics and business, science and technology. Discuss one specific aspect of its importance in current global society, including benefits and problems. How would you promote and develop this specific aspect to maximize its benefit to society? Indicate what you believe the financial costs and staffing needs would be for implementation of your proposal over the first five years.

Global society entails a need for scientific advancement. Communication, disease control, and environmental preservation require advances for the quality of life to increase universally. Disease control is top priority since an outbreak can yield human death. Alternative energy, the space program, and other concerns are important; yet, disease control saves human life. Prevention of diseases that have not been contracted yet could avert a new age plague from happening. Disease affects all people living on Earth; thus, progress in the control of disease would dramatically increase the standards of living. One way to prevent or at least decrease disease is to raise awareness of zoonosis- the transfer of disease from an animal to a human being. Furthermore, the study of zoonosis would reduce the probability of a new virus from breaking out.

Uncivilized tribes tend to hunt animals viewed as unconventional in the western hemisphere to serve as food, such as primates. A majority of native people are oblivious to the possible spread of disease, not because they are ignorant; rather, they have a history of living this way. Educating indigenous people or forcing them to hunt in different ways could adversely affect their way of life. The study of animals with possible zoonotic diseases that are hunted by tribal people may hinder their ability to get adequate food, resulting in malnutrition. In most cases, natives do not have a need for understanding, a fear of global spread of disease, nor an incentive to cooperate. The way they live has worked for hundreds of years. Why should they change now? Forced cooperation in such a study could result in a loss of history and could affect hunting patterns leading to a famine. However, a tribe's ability to hunt for their food rightfully could cost the globe an unstoppable pestilence.

Human immunodeficiency virus is an example of a zoonotic disease that could have been prevented. HIV can develop into acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS). AIDS is an incurable virus that has killed millions of people worldwide. Primitive tribes often hunt without protection from the environment, which puts them at risk of having an open wound. HIV was transferred from chimpanzees to tribal members in West Africa. Contrary to popular belief, the transfer of disease was most likely transmitted via blood, since the indigenous people could have easily received infected blood by means of an open wound while hunting. The highest infection rate of HIV is from cross contamination of blood, not sexual intercourse. Indigenous people are at risk of being wounded because for centuries they have hunted with little clothing. An infected chimpanzee could scratch a hunter and infect him or her. Protection against such an attack would prevent an infection.

The primary concern regarding disease control is education. Since a chimpanzee can not learn about disease prevention, the natives need to know what to do to stop an outbreak from happening. Educating the native people could be effective; however, educating all uncivilized tribes would be tremendously tedious. Yet, a simple education regarding sanitation and protection could make all the difference. Making indigenous people aware that raw meat puts their health at risk could drastically improve disease control. Supplying crude appliances that could prepare food would also help. All of these services could be used in exchange for a few blood tests to study. Every improvement should be made in consideration of how they live. Preserving the way they want to live should be a main concern. Such a large amount of public funds are used on medical research and other methods of disease control, and educating indigenous people would be just a small fraction of money spent on other disease control programs.

The possible benefits of increased awareness of disease control are boundless. An outbreak of the next plague could be eliminated before it starts. The next "superbug" could be diagnosed early and exterminated. Money spent now could be a great investment, considering that medicating people after a new illness could cost billions of dollars. Also, new knowledge of ways to combat illness could stop natives from being wiped out. For example, many of the natives in the Americas were killed by small pox when foreigners arrived. They had no knowledge of such a disease, and with an awareness of measures to stop disease, the wipeout of Native Americans could have been prevented. Plagues have killed countless people, and although much medical advancement has been made, all precautions should be made to ensure another will not happen.

I would promote knowledge of disease control by expanding involvement with the Peace Corps, churches, and health organizations to endorse volunteers in order to go to areas of the world with uncivilized people. Having volunteers would decrease the cost of labor of the entire movement, and would save money for the equipment to give to natives. A good estimate of the number of volunteers needed would be to find the approximate number of villages in each country. Sampling the entire population for blood tests is not required for the study. A random sample representing the population would be sufficient, lowering the cost of the study. The enlightenment of disease control would have to continue past five years because there will always be new measures to ensure protection. As for education, a mentor program with five volunteers per village would be adequate. Lastly, donating equipment is vital in establishing disease control. Long sleeve clothing, footwear, and appliances for cooking would be required to protect against wounds and to purify food. Afterwards, one final trip back would be made to evaluate effectiveness and to make changes for the better. The promotion would take place to advance and protect the people for today, tomorrow, and the future.

Science and technology is an ever growing industry, and disease control must continue to grow with it. If not, the very well-being of society is put into jeopardy. One major cause of disease is zoonosis, which is preventable. Zoonosis can be avoided by educating indigenous people in contact with animals similar enough to humans to have the ability to transfer diseases. However, preventing is easier said than done, and although the benefits are limitless, there are a few disadvantages. Changing the way of life for indigenous people is not something that should be forced. While prevention is not easy, it is necessary for the well being of the global society and definitely possible, but do the benefits exceed the liabilities? (1,070 words)

Scholarship / Important activity+motivation for making application-UT Honors Short Essays [NEW]

I have two essays that I have completed and I want to make sure each are grammatically correct and answer the question completely.

Prompt 1: Describe one important activity outside of class that has been an important experience for you, particularly one in which you have played a leadership role. Explain how this activity has helped in your own growth and development (maximum length: one typed page).

As a member of the Brentwood Civitan Youth Field Crew throughout my high school career, I learned how to work with other people efficiently and how to contribute to society honestly. While working on the baseball fields, I did not have a supervisor to make sure I was doing my job correctly; however, I always made an effort to do every part of my work the way it was supposed to be done and to submit my hours honestly. During my first season working as a freshman, I had very little experience. After my sophomore year, my superiors graduated from high school and I took the initiative as lead crew worker. I recruited more members and did what was best for the fields. My goal was to make the fields the best they could be in the city, which became my incentive besides the regular wage. This goal made working everyday after school enjoyable for me. I also learned what it is like to be in a working environment. Working taught me the real value of a dollar. Also, some of my best friends are my co-workers. I became good friends with them because I worked with them on a daily basis. We solved each problem together. Furthermore, I was able to see the baseball fields improve over the four years I worked, and I knew that I had played a major role in making the positive changes.

Prompt 2: In order to complete this application, submit your scholarship essay and provide a short answer (maximum 300 words) to the following question, "What is your principal motivation for making application to the Chancellor's Honors and/or the Haslam Scholar's Programs?"

My principal motivation for applying is primarily an intrinsic motivation. I have always strived to be the best and to take the hardest courses. As a junior, I took AP Calculus when I knew that almost everybody received a grade lower than an 85, thereby affecting their GPA. I persisted, and received a five on the AP exam. I am enrolled in five AP classes this year. I continue to challenge myself to take the harder courses. Why would I not apply to the UT Scholar's Program? There is too much to lose in not applying. I am excited to have the opportunity to be part of the Chancellor's Honors program. If I were to go to UT, I would not feel complete if I were not part of the Honors Program. My primary motivation is that I have an internal ambition to succeed and I have a thirst for learning. (151 words)

Undergraduate / Northwestern supplement short answer (atmosphere / location) [2]

I'm not 100% content with it... just want a quick check to make sure I'm on track.

What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Northwestern University is the school of my dreams. Northwestern has every attribute of a college that I want to be educated at. The academics, the size, and the student atmosphere of Northwestern is what I am looking for in a school. As an aspiring computer science or biomedical engineering major, McCormick School of Engineering and Applied Science is the ideal place to study. Northwestern University would be the perfect fit for me.

The academics at Northwestern are among the best in the nation. I have always been motivated to take the hardest courses in school, and would like to continue to challenge myself by attending Northwestern. The quality of education at Northwestern would enrich and develop my abilities; there will be no doubt that I will succeed after graduation. The variety of labs at McCormick in the Electrical Engineering and Computer Science open up endless opportunities. The labs are state of the art and offer a learning environment that surpasses my expectations.

While searching for the perfect school, Alfred Bonds III, a professor of computer science, biomedical engineering, and electrical engineering and graduate of Northwestern University, referred me to Northwestern when I visited Vanderbilt University's computer science department. He told me Northwestern was the school that I was searching for, and that Northwestern had the best computer science department in the central time zone. Northwestern University is the perfect school for me.

Northwestern has the location and student body size that fits me. Chicago is my favorite city in the United States. Northwestern stands out because it is close enough to Chicago, but not too close to the point of being an urban school. Furthermore, the number of students at Northwestern is just right: enough to feel different from high school, but not a huge state school. Also, Chicago is located far enough away from where I live now to simulate life away from my hometown.

The atmosphere of a school is extremely important, and having a competitive football team is imperative to a school's atmosphere. Northwestern competing in the Big Ten conference is great. I take great pleasure in cheering for my school's team. My father went to the University of Minnesota, and a little family rivalry is always fun. I would be able to take part in watching the Wildcats for the rest of my life.

Northwestern is the school with every aspect that I look for when it comes to education. Education is vital to starting a career, and most of all I know that an education at Northwestern would plant a firm foundation for me to succeed. Northwestern has the facilities, the location, and the atmosphere that connects with my thoughts of what the ideal place to learn is.