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Posts by otacbateman
Joined: Aug 26, 2011
Last Post: Aug 27, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 7  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 9
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otacbateman   
Aug 26, 2011
Writing Feedback / Neolithical Agricultural Revolution (change to society) [5]

I am looking for feedback on this thesis i had to do on a non poltical revolution. I chose the Neolithical Agricultural Revolution. the criteria for this thesis are as follws: Identify one nonpoltical revolution that brought about important intellectual, economic, and social change to society and: Describe two changes brought about by this nonpoltical revolution and Discuss one impact this nonpoltical revolution had on a specific society. any feedback is welcome, please read!

Throughout time there have been many important nonpolitical revolutions. These revolutions changed accepted ideas in areas including agriculture, settlement and science. The Neolithic Agricultural Revolution was perhaps the most important non political revolution. Without the advances made during this revolution, the society and culture that we know today would be drastically different.

There were many changes brought about by this agricultural revolution. The Neolithic Revolution brought us out of the Old stone age, a period when humans were hunting and gathering nomads. One change is the change from hunting and gathering to farming. When the ice age came to an end, it was easier for plants to grow in abundance. Humans started planting and domesticating seeds and different plants. They were able to successfully grow different grains, which lead to surpluses. According to the book Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond "They [were able to] constitute 90 percent rather than 0.1 percent of the biomass on an acre of land." This increase is what allowed civilizations to thrive and develop.

As well domesticating plants, we also domesticated animals such as sheep, cows, the ox and other large mammals. They contributed to agricultural as well. Their manure proved as a useful fertilizer, and still today is the preferred plant fertilizer. Also, animals such as the horse cow, and ox were used to pull plows. This allowed greater areas of land to be plowed much faster, it also allowed thicker, and rockier soil to be farmed. Animals such as cows also provided milk which then could be made into butter, cheese and other dairy items. Animals were no longer only killed for meat and clothing, but they were domesticated and used for many more things. The domestication of animals is very important to the lifestyle we sustain today. The idea of keeping animals as pets was developed during this revolution, something that is a large part of our culture today

The Neolithic Agricultural Revolution has had a huge impact on societies and civilizations all over the world. One great impact it had was the growth and development of cities. The Fertile Crescent in the Middle East was one of the first settled civilizations. This wouldn't have been possible if not for the domestication of plants and animals. Human's ability to farm created surplus, mentioned earlier in this thesis, and surplus allowed populations to thrive, simply because there was more food. Before this settlement, there was not enough food in nomadic cultures to support a lot of people. Now that farming created surplus, small farming villages developed into huge thriving cities such as Mesopotamia and Assyria. These great empires, and many others were a direct result of the Neolithic Agricultural Revolution.

Although not as well known as revolutions such as the Industrial Revolution or the Chinese Cultural Revolution, the Neolithic Agricultural Revolution was perhaps the most important and influential revolution that contributed to modern living. Without these advances in agriculture we would still be nomads roaming the land in search of food and shelter.
otacbateman   
Aug 26, 2011
Scholarship / "knowledge is well-being" -Computer Science scholarship [3]

Great essay! i think the word count is fine, but if you are going to revise it try not to make it too much longer. i think adding extra reasons as to why you deserve the scholarship would be benifical, the more reasons, the more inclinded they will be to choose you. I think you might have a better shot if you mention your family's bad financial situation, i think that they are more likely to award a scholarship to a person that isnt doing well finacially as opposed to a wealthy person. However since thats very personal its enirely up to you! I hope this helped and good luck with that scholarship, i think you have a great chance of getting it!
otacbateman   
Aug 26, 2011
Essays / A compare and contrast essay on two people i know - writing an introduction! [3]

I like your intoduction so far! does your aunt come over often? if so write about how they act when they are together, being that there so different. Say something about how your aunt is the opposite, shes carefree and scoffs and your moms structured living. hope this helps and goodluck!
otacbateman   
Aug 26, 2011
Undergraduate / English and Political Economy- interest in study, Georgetown University essay [3]

Wow! the imagery in the intorduction is beautiful, but i think that it shouldnt be goosebumps intruded into, but goosebumps intruded in... also, this might only be the way is copyed but is it only three paragraphs? essays are usually 4 or 5, besides that i think its great! good luck with georgetown!
otacbateman   
Aug 26, 2011
Scholarship / "She's not wearing makeup so her face just looks like skin" [5]

wow i would love for you to be my makeup artist! I think the essay is great, but you may need a stronger opening sentance. Ithink that " Imagine these scences..." part is a little out of place. Your opening sentance needs to be the strongest part, because often the reader's opion on the article is decided in the first sentance. Maybe have it be how you feel when doing makeup? i really hope this helped and good luck with your makeup artist career!
otacbateman   
Aug 27, 2011
Essays / (create a compact disc) Song title for global history, odd assignment [3]

This assignment is a little odd, here are the instructions:
Your are to create a compact disc. the front cover should include: a band name, an appropriate title for the CD and four visuals.
the back cover should include: The titles of 8 songs that reflect important ideas, issues, themes discussed in the readings about the dawn of history, understanding the past, and the beginnings of civilization. In the song titles, at least 10 of the following must be mentioned:

geography, latitude, longitude, prehistory, steppe, cultural diffusion, neanderthal, homo sapiens, anthropology, culture, archaeology, artifact, echnology, historian, nomad, glacier, anmism, domesticate, paleolithic, neolithic, hunting and gathering, culture, civilization, surplus, polytheism, artisan, pictogram, scribe, empire,

in theory this assignment shouldnt be difficult but im having trouble coming up with song titles. You need to cover 10 topics in 8 titles. Any and all help/imput is greatly appreciated!! thank you :)
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