Undergraduate / 'Elder care' - Elaborate One of Your Extracurricular Activity [4]

This was my essay for the activity part on Commonapp. Is that OK to write like that? I'm an international student so I hope someone can help me check the grammar and phrases. Thanks. ^^

Prompt-Please briefly elaborate one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (1000 characters)

Elder care has never been my concern until I involved in an activity organized by the Guangzhou Volunteer Association to visit the widowed elders. I was assigned to an 87-year-old man called Ye Feng, who had severe hearing loss.

The living room was dark and humid, stuffed with an armchair and a muted TV. Greeting me, Ye stumbled to his sit and tried to hide himself into his overcoat due to coldness. When asked about his family, Ye grabbed over a picture with his hands and introduced his daughter to me, showing a rare smile on his melancholic wrinkled face. Though Ye's daughter visited Ye occasionally, he spent most of his time "looking at" TV and talking to himself. He lived a miserable life filled with loneliness and depression.

Ye's case made me aware that eldercare is indeed an inconvenient problem in our society, since getting old is a life stage that everyone goes through. The only solution for us is to take good care of our aging parents, who had made so many sacrifices for us.

Undergraduate / I Am Traditional-Commonapp Essay [6]

Actually I haven't set a title for this essay. I hope you can give me some suggestions on a broad view, about my structure and focus. Is it OK to choose such an example to reflect my diversity? Thanks.

Prompt-A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

I'm a typical Chinese girl, of average height, and have dark brown eyes and black hair. Instead of flamboyant clothes which brighten me up, I prefer ordinary T-shirts, mostly white, and boot-cut jeans. I'm a girl who may seem plain, even uninteresting from the first impression. But despite my common appearance, I own something that is completely distinctive from others, something that defines me.

Diversity goes far beyond physical, extending from races and ethnics to social values. It is composed of myriad uniqueness which is accumulated through different educational and cultural backgrounds. From this perspective, my experience, including spending my years in China, Sweden as well as the United States, makes me an eligible candidate who greatly contributes to campus diversity.

When I first arrived in America, I tried hard to fit in by dressing like others and imitating their exaggerated accent. But this didn't bring me the popularity I wished. Instead, I started losing my friends due to my loss of individualism. Not until the Thanksgiving luncheon did I realize that popularity is actually based on one's seity.

The luncheon was held by Ms. Phillips, our cooking teacher. Besides the students, several other teachers were also invited. The atmosphere was great. Everyone was enjoying the feast as well as a nice chat, except for me, who was eating quietly because I had no one to talk to.

It was Monica, an American born Chinese, who grabbed everyone's attention. She was wearing a well-designed pink blouse with a peculiar pattern on it. The pattern was arranged by thick black lines and curves spreading freely inside a frame. Appreciating the elegance of the calligraphy, a teacher asked Monica what the pattern was. However, Monica just shook her head, looking totally confused. I recognized it was Chinese calligraphy at the first sight. What a pity that Monica lost her heredity in Chinese culture!

"It's Chinese calligraphy. And it means beauty and grace. " I cut in the conversation and answered loudly. All the people stopped and stared at me, a bit shocked at my reply since I was so easy to be unheeded. For the rest of the lunch, I was occupied with all kinds of questions on Chinese culture. I really had a great time at the luncheon.

I wasn't surprised when boys and girls gathered around me during lunch breaks to hear my "weird" stories about Chinese traditions. My distinctive culture bestowed uniqueness upon me.

"Diversity is the spice of life." It enriches our monotonous world and inspires us to maintain our individuality. Though I had spent two years outside China, I never lose my faith in Chinese culture, which is both extensive and profound. Because I know it is my culture that identifies me, and it is my culture that makes me unique.

Undergraduate / 'adequate teaching recourses' - Rice Why Essay [2]

Does this one meet the standards of a why essay? I appreciate all suggestions.

Prompt-What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words

It was a snapshot of the brick red Lovett Hall that initially caught my heart two years ago. In an instant, I recognized Rice as my dream school, which my mother described as "love at first sight". For two years, I have been imagining going through the Sallyport arch of Lovett Hall, running in the Rice Stadium, and wandering on Sunset Boulevard.

Rice offers me adequate teaching recourses with small-sized classes, encourages me to be open-minded through its unique residential college systems and fulfills my artistic pursuits by holding fine exhibitions regularly. Adjacent to Texas Medical Center, Rice also made it easier for me to get internship opportunities, supporting my career as a bio engineer. How I wish to have a chance standing beside Ms. Jennifer West, co-operating her with the development of NO-releasing polymers to inhibit smooth muscle cell proliferation.

Bertrand Russell had lived for three things: the longing for love, the search for knowledge and the unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind and these are exactly what motivated me to Rice.