Undergraduate / More Than Notes and Chords-Commonapp Essay [2]

Here is my essay for commonapp. I hope someone can help me check the grammar and sentence pattern. Is the structure and focus okay? Thank you.

Prompt-Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you

Whenever I wanted some music, a special album-'Vincent's best collection', lying silently among the masterpieces composed by Beethoven and Chopin, will always be my best choice. Well, to be honest, my English name is Vincent.

When I first touched the ivory-black keys, I asked myself what the meaning of music was, but then failed to give an answer. This question came up to me again when I first tried to compose a song to please my favorite girl who later turned me down. However, the moment I saw my fellows singing my song together with tears at my junior high school graduation ceremony, I suddenly realized the answer went beyond notes and chords, for something that should have existed privately between me and the girl now belonged to everyone at the hall. The answer was to share a passion, and to influence more people by my music, though I wasn't a professional pianist.

At the end of 10th grade, I set up my own website and uploaded my original music, and it has thousands of followers up to now. Nothing can be more gratifying to me than to communicate with different people from different corners around the world through my music. I tried to use my "special language" to understand, to connect, to melt the coldness in strangers' hearts, and to tear down the barriers between us. Through this process I had discovered my curiosity in exploring people's internal world, which explains for my decision to study psychology in the future.

In 2011, after knowing that there is an organization - the Maitian Project of China, which aims at helping school children in poverty-stricken mountain areas, I began to plan for a charitable project to donate money to them. I conveyed this idea through my website and received warm responses. I teamed up with some of my talented followers to carry on this project and we successfully published and sold over 300 albums of my compositions. All the money we earned was donated to the charity organization. First touching this album, I felt like touching a substantive network that brought various people together to cooperate for the same goal.

Every time I play this CD, it reminds me of the figure of my past, a sentimental boy who was crying for the rejection by a girl. The figure is now fading and instead I can see a confident smiling young man who knows the stage of life won't be limited to a piano. There are more than notes and chords we can hear from his music but an ideal bound with the movement - an ideal which brings us trust, sympathy and love.

Undergraduate / 'a tradition rebel in my own little world' - Freshman essay-UC [NEW]

Can anyone help me grammar check this? Any suggestion is appreciated.

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Though my parents and teachers sometimes criticized me for my sharp, unacceptable attitude which reflected my inner maturity and inversion, I never cared much about it, for I thought it was merely a generation gap. Not until I became more self-conscious did I realize I was in fact a distinctive member of a pure Chinese family and a Chinese school, a situation that I was beyond tradition. (REVISE!)

Since my childhood I have been inculcated to 'play safe' so that all the time I have to suffocate the spirit of adventure whenever it flowed in my vessels. Indeed, I was influenced by these traditional concepts. Facing a challenge, I would choose a safer way. Had I kept doing so, I should have followed all my teachers' guidance, devoted myself to schoolwork to got a considerable score to a considerable Chinese university and then become an engineer or officer - as others hoped - however, never is it the life I want to have.

Referring to many books, once I thought deeply why adults, such as some of my teachers and relatives, created certain policy, new or old, fair or unjust, written or spoken, and why we chose to compromise. Eventually I drew a conclusion. The reason was that we were afraid - afraid of precariousness which new things bring so we tend to stay in tradition to keep safe. It can't be denied that some of the traditional creeds are indeed wise and valuable. But the everlasting existence of the stagnant parts did show the psychological banality possessed by most Chinese people. Actually, analyzing people's internal thought, this awareness was the beginning of my interest on psychology.

Since then I realized I had to create my own path for life instead of following the traditional one. Nevertheless, such independence brought me a huge dilemma. Sacrificing my spare time, I put much energy into student government, trying to create more activities for my fellows to participate in. Teachers also impugned my lack of concentration on study because of my holding private concerts in school. Meanwhile, my dream major, psychology, has always been shunned by relatives and teachers as it is too demanding for an international student. More than once I asked myself - was it worth doing so? Have I considered my parents' feelings? The answer temporarily remained unsure. But I believed one day I would confidently say "yes".

There was a book named The Shawshank Redemption which profoundly impressed me. I consider myself as a tradition rebel in my own little world, just like Andy in Shawshank prison. What Andy and I have in common is an innate resistance to be institutionalized. My world, in the end, failed to shape me into a product on an assembly line. However, it successfully endued me with a unique mind, which constantly illuminates me and guides me to a bright future.